


crash and burn, baby. crash and burn

by yashalex



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: AU, Bipolar Disorder, M/M, kind of story of forbidden love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2020-02-10 07:29:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 80,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18655783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yashalex/pseuds/yashalex
Summary: It’s not a problem when your best mate finds a new crush and forgets about you.It’s the problem when his crush takes an interest in you and you don’t really mind.Or: Lucas Lallemant, a new guy in the school, attracts Eliott's best mate attention... and not just his.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> That idea just stuck in my head and here we are))
> 
> There're new students in the school and while Eliott isn't interested at all, his best friend Emile is absolutely sure that he found the love of his life.

"I think I fell in love."

Eliott heard this phrase so many time that he paid no attention to his best mate’s words. Emile was one of those guys who used to fell in love every week until he met a new crush. Sometimes it wasn’t even week but days. And when Eliott heard Sofiane and Idriss’ laugh he knew that he wasn’t the only one who didn’t take it seriously. And Emile was offended.

"I’m serious!" He exclaimed, running his hand through the hair.

"Mate, we’re in the school," Sofiane stated the fact. "We know all the people in here. You couldn’t have fallen in love with one of them otherwise it would have happened years ago. Well, if it’s true love, of course."

Eliott smiled at that. He liked how Sofiane was always trying to be reasonable and logical what was the opposite of Emile’s nature.

"Aren’t you listening to me at all?" Emile sounded outraged. Eliott knew that tone. That was a bad news.

"I guess it’s about new kids?" Idriss said, and Eliott and Sofiane looked at him surprised. "What? Imane and her friends are giving them school tour today." After that Idriss returned to his food like he’s done everything he could. And Sofiane began to smile dreamily. It was Imane’s effect.

"Yeah! And I’ve been telling you about them yesterday!" Now Emile was gazing at Eliott. Shit. Now he definitely had a problem. And he even started to remember something. "There was some boiler accident in their school, and that was so serious that all the students were transferred to other schools. And ours was a part of the program. So we finally have some new faces here!"

Emile looked excited. Like really excited and Eliott didn’t really understand it, but he didn’t judge. Eliot himself didn’t really care about the news. He was never close to his old classmates, and a couple of new kids hardly could change it. One look at Sofiane and Idriss made him realize that they were on the same page with him. But none of them stopped Emile from happy blabbering.

"I saw the group of four guys earlier. They’re a year younger than us, and they were with your Imane by the way," these words were addressed to Idriss, but it was Sofiane’s eyes which lightened up once again by the mention of the name. Eliott chuckled. If only Idriss knew… "And as I’m very polite I decided to go and introduce myself. And that was the moment I saw him. Guys, seriously those eyes…"

"Ok, ok, mate, we’ve got it. It was the man of your dreams." Idriss didn’t let Emile finish because he knew that it’s easy for him to be carried away.

Emile was an open gay. He never hid it and he never tried. That why Eliott admired him so much. Having lived through some hell times, he never changed himself, and he tried to teach other people to do the same. Emile was still trying to make Eliott fully accept himself, though this mission was bound to fail. But that was nice of him, he always was a fighter. He always fought for his life, for his rights, and for his friends. 

"And what is the boy’s name?" Eliott asked as he knew how important it was for him to have support. Sometimes Idriss was a little bit rude with him (he always regretted it later), and that was one of those times. Probably the guy had some problems with parents again, but it shouldn’t have had an effect on Emile.

"That’s the saddest part. I don't know." Emile sounded a bit upset, but surely it couldn’t have been a big problem for him. And Eliott was right in his thinking as the guy continued. "But his next lesson is Biology with Imane and Alexia, so I’m going to fix this." Ok. He was really prepared.

"We’re coming with you!" Sofiane said too fast and was smiling too wide. Eliott tried his best to hide his own smile. But Sofiane got it and added: "I mean we all want to meet him, right?"

He looked at Eliott, and Eliott nodded his head. He couldn’t believe that he will go to watch how two lovesicks (one with less serious diagnosis) will make idiots out of themselves. Well, at least it would be fun.

 

**[** **Emile]**

the guy from last night keeps asking for your number

tell him to fuck off

you know that I can’t

then ignore him

I don’t give a fuck

you can write it to him if you want

you sure?

he’s quite hot

and he’s deffo interested

you can take him if you want

nah, I’m alright thanks

have my blue-eyed angel to think about

so it’s 100% no from you?

101%

you’re cruel

tell me something new

Eliott had one rule in his life and it was not to get attached to the people. And though he one hundred percent failed it when he found his friends, he was still trying to stick to it in personal life. Serious relationships were a big «No» for him. He tried once, everything went to shit, and he gave up. There was no point. And it wasn’t about him being cruel or heartless, it was about him being a good person actually. A good person who was saving people from himself. And Emile usually called it bullshit, but he will never understand. And Eliott was happy about it. No one deserved the shit his life was made of.

 

There were times when Eliott just wanted to skip lessons and go home. That was one of these days. After the «Literature» he sneaked out of the school and went to the bus stop. He was careful as never as he really hadn’t any desire for his friends to catch him. There’d be definitely questions after, but as long as it wasn’t right now he was alright. He just wanted to be in peace for a while. There was no reason behind it, he just felt like that, and he did that.

When he came to the bus stop there was already a guy sitting there. He looked a little bit younger than Eliott, and he was looking for something in his bag, holding a joint between his lips. Probably, it was someone from his school, but he couldn’t figure out who as he didn’t see the face. Anyway, the thought of him not being the only one who was skipping the school in the middle of the day made him smile, and he sat beside him.

"Mate, don’t you have a lighter? Can’t find mine." The boy said as soon as he noticed that he wasn’t alone anymore.

"I don’t smoke, sorry," Eliott answered not looking at the stranger. The fact was that he really wanted to smoke, but he couldn’t. That was a rule he had no right to break. Not anymore.

"That sucks." There was a pure disappointed in the boy’s voice. Eliott chucked. "Oh, I think I know you. Saw you in the school earlier. With Imane’s brother."

And these were the words which made Eliott turn his head to him.  And when he finally saw a guy, the face in front of him took his breath away. He definitely saw some beautiful people before. Some people even considered him quite handsome, but that boy was in absolutely another league. His face was a masterpiece Eliott couldn’t stop looking at. And his blue eyes were the ocean in which Eliott was ready to drown in.

"Wow, you really look like a model. Girls were right." The stranger smiled. And that was really ironic thing to say as Eliott couldn’t stop wallowing in the guy's beauty. That’s why it took him a couple of minutes to realize what he said.

"Sorry?" He asked, trying to look away because he didn’t really want to look creepy. Though he probably has already failed.

"We were on the school tour with the girls, and they told us about everyone we saw on our way.  You included. Emma called you a model and Alexia said that you’re one of the hottest guys in the school. I didn’t pay to it attention then but I can see it now." The boy said shamelessly, and Eliott couldn’t have believed his ears. Did he just call him hot? Or was it just his imagination?

"So you’re one of the new kids?" Eliott decided not to pay attention to the boy’s words in case he's got something wrong. The boy nodded his head, putting the joint in his pocket. "And you’re skipping already? I know for a fact that your classes are not finished yet." He knew it because nobody finished at this time.

"Let's call it a family emergency."

"But it doesn’t look like you’re rushing!"

"Well, I’m waiting for a bus, aren’t I?" The boy looked at him again. And Eliott could swear that he saw real sparks in his eyes. Oh, his eyes. They were driving him mad. "And what’s your excuse? Why are you here? _«I know for a fact that your classes are not finished yet.»_ " The boy imitated Elliot’s voice and tone and that made Elliott laugh. Sincerely.

"I'm just not in the mood." He said and the boy smirked.

"Sound like a good reason."

"Yeah, it is."

And then there was a silence. But that wasn’t anything awkward or something like that. Not at all. They were just smiling looking at each other. And Eliott had no idea what was that, but he wished this moment would never stopped. He really could feel like the world was good to him again. And the reason was this boy.

But the moment didn’t last as Eliott’s phone began to vibrate. So he was the first to break off their eye contact to check what that was about. He hoped that the boy wasn't too disappointed with his actions. Because he regretted doing this as soon as he took away his gaze.  
  


**[Sofiane]**

mate, where are you?

we’re meeting Emile’s new love here

you forgot?!  
  


"Fuck!" Eliott’s whispered. He really forgot. That was quite a shitty situation.

"What’s happened?" The boy asked. Eliott could feel that his eyes were still on him.

"Just forgot about something. Not a big deal." That was a big deal actually. But he didn’t need to know.  
  


**[Sofiane]**

fuck, I forgot

sorry

how is it going?

you can relax

the boy wasn’t there

we left

Emile stayed with his friends and the girls

that’s shit

but he’d get over it

btw, where are you?  
  


That was the question Eliott chose to ignore. That wasn’t the time for worrying Sofiane.

And as soon as he closed one chat another began. And Eliott didn’t want to look at it as he really wanted to spend a little bit more time with the boy, but that was Emile. He couldn’t ignore.

**[Emile]**

a blue-eyed angel wasn’t there

but Imane told me the name

Lucas?

isn’t it beautiful?  
  


_«Blue-eyed», «wasn’t there», «Imane»_. His messages struck him as he began to realize something he didn’t even consider before. The boy with ocean-blue eyes was sitting now with him and he was supposed to be at his classes right now. Earlier he had a school tour which was led by Imane and the boy Emile liked was then with her. And Eliott didn’t really want to think about the possibility, because there were a lot of new boys in the school, but, still, the worry settled in his gut.

"Sorry, I didn’t ask your name." Eliott looked at the boy, hoping that it would be Axel or Isak or David or anything else but not THAT name.

"Oh, yeah, I’m Lucas." The boy said still smiling, and Eliott felt like the earth began to slip under his foot.

The world was against him once again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliott decides to forget about the blue-eyes boy, shame the blue-eyed boy isn't ready to forget about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that there're people who liked the first chapter! Thank you for your response!  
> And as I have some days off here comes the second chapter... enjoy!

**_two missed calls from Idriss_ **

**_three missed calls from Sofiane_ **

**_five missed calls from Emile_ **

Eliott was in trouble. Or more precisely he was in real shit. And he didn’t even see messages in the chat yet. But he knew that he would pay for it later. There were no doubts about it. But at this moment he didn’t care. He wanted some peace, and he got it. It wasn’t his house where he found it. But this place was close to being called «home». It was «La Petite Ceinture». His safe place. His shelter. His everything.

Eliott always loved to be dramatic, so he loved the idea of having a secret place. A place where he can hide and think. A place nobody knew about. And when he found it, he finally felt safe again. And when it was really hard for him to move on with his life he always came here to find some comfort. And that’s why he came here after the bus stop. After the meeting with the blue-eyed stranger. After meeting with Lucas. One message from Emile was enough for him to let the boy go.

Emile was a real friend. A real friend who sacrificed a lot for him. And he never asked anything in return. And if there was a tiny possibility of Emile’s sufferings from Eliott’s actions, Eliott had no other choice but to stop it straight away. Yeah, he liked the boy. And he would have been happy to give it a try and spend a little bit more time with him. But not if it would risk him his friendship with Emile. And maybe for Eliott, it wouldn’t have ended up as something serious at the end because he closed himself from relationships, but for Emile… yeah, sometimes he was really inconstant, but he was always trying to find something serious. And Eliott had no right to ruin his searching. Even if it won’t work out for his friend and the boy at the end. He had to let it go.

 

"You’re doing this disappearance act again, and I’m moving out of this fucking flat!"

These were the first and the only words Emile said when Eliott came back home. Then he rushed to his room. A loud slam of the door followed after that. That was the main problem of living together with your best friend. He cared too much. It wasn’t the first time when he said those words. And it definitely won’t be the last time. But it didn’t make Eliott’s guilt any lesser. He felt like a real shit at those moments. He really didn’t deserve Emile.

They decided to move in together a year ago. When Eliott couldn’t live with his parents and their over-protective mood anymore. But he couldn’t have been trusted anymore. And Emile suggested living together and that seemed like a great idea. Well, it was a great idea, and they enjoyed each others company most of the times. But there were moments like this. When Eliott acted like an asshole and Emile had to put up with it. It was unfair to him, but there was nothing Eliott could do to make him leave. So once again he had to fix the situation as soon as possible.

In five minutes he opened Emile’s door and stretched his hand through the crack holding two bottle ob beers. He didn’t show his face.

"I came in peace." He declared, hoping to get a reaction of his friend.

"Are you trying to buy me?" He’s heard Emile’s voice and smiled. That was a good start.

"Maybe?"

"Are these both for me?"

"Maybe," Eliott repeated his words, keep smiling. He didn’t feel anger in Emile’s voice anymore. It was a good sign.

"Ok. You can come in." Emile finally said, and Eliott let out the breath.

Emile was lying on his bed with the phone in his hands. He didn’t look at Eliott, but he accepted the bottle out of his hands when he lay next to him. Eliott saw that Emile was scrolling down Instagram pages of unknown to him people. But that wasn’t his interest now.

"I’m sorry." He said sincerely.

"I know," Emile answered, still keeping his eyes on the phone. Eliott knew what that meant. He wasn’t angry, but he wanted to show that it wasn’t alright at all. And he was right. Guilt consumed him again. "You can’t do this anymore. When we knew that you were out of school, and when you didn’t pick up your phone, we were scared as shit. Sofiane even wanted to call Lucille and your parents!"

"But he didn’t do it, didn’t it?" That was panic in Elliott's voice. There was no way he would want for them to interfere in his life now. He loved them, but recently they were not helping at all.

"Of course I didn’t let him!" Emile knew too well how bad it could have ended. Once again, he was a good friend. Sofiane and Idriss were close to Eliott too, but they never truly understood him. And that was totally fine, as long as Emile was there to back him up.

"Thanks."

"But you can't blame him for this. We all were worried that something had happened."

"Yeah. I get. And as I said I’m sorry. And I will call the guys later and tell them the same." He promised.

"Oh, you better do it!"

Emile finally looked at Eliott and made the first sip out of the bottle. Now that was it. The problem was solved. For now.

"But don’t you think that I’ll forget that you dumped me when I was going to introduce you to new guys today."

That has been said in a funny tone as if it was a joke. But Eliott didn’t want to laugh at all. He knew that now the conversation was leading to the boy. And no way he was ready to go there now. He needed some time but Emile didn’t give it to him.

"That’s so disappointing that a blue-eyed angel wasn’t there, but at least now I know his friends and his name. By the way, I’m looking through their pages right now." Emile showed Eliott a screen of his phone, and Eliott showed a little bit of interest before looking away just not to look too weird. He didn’t want to see it.

"I don’t want to kill the mood, but what if the boy is straight?" Eliott asked. And that was the question of which was on his mind a lot. If the boy was straight, then it would have solved a lot of problems. Both Emile and Eliott would have no chances, they both would have suffered from it a little and then moved on. That would be the perfect scenario for both of them.

"Then my heart would be crushed in pieces," Emile answered. Eliott smiled as his friend clearly exaggerated. How could he say it and be serious? He didn’t even know him.

"So are you going to ask him or what?" Eliott didn’t want to look like he was too invested in his friend’s new crush and their relationships because it could look suspicious. He never paid attention to Emile’s love life before. Well, there was one time, but the situation was really extreme back then. But now it was usual Emile’s crush, and Eliott shouldn’t have been interested in it. But he was interested. He just couldn’t help it.

"I’m thinking on my strategy yet, but I have a good feeling about it, you know? Let’s just keep our finger crossed, yeah?"

Emile smiled at Eliott and Eliott smiled back while there was a mini-Eliott inside him who wanted to scream.

 

Eliott had a tendency to draw some moments of his life which were making him smile. Two bottles of beer became such a moment. It wasn’t the first time he used such trick to get Emile’s forgiveness, but it was the first time he decided to capture it. So he drew two bottles with smiley faces leaning on each other. That took him 10 minutes to finish the sketch and upload it on Instagram. It was a habit. He didn’t post there anything but his sketches and drawings. He wasn’t a social media guy, but there was something special in sharing his works with the world. And actually quite a lot of people were following him, and he had no idea why, especially when he followed no one. Not even his friends. But when his pictures were getting some reaction he was always feeling a pleasure. As if the things he did had a point. He liked that feeling.

«There is no problem which couple bottles of beer couldn’t solve ;)»

He wrote a caption to the picture and completely forgot about this post by the evening.

He and Emile had dinner in front of the telly. Then Eliott called Idriss and Sofiane to apologize and listen to the lecture from both sides just to be forgiven at the end. And then he was just studying as he missed his last classes, and he knew that the teachers won't let him off the hook easily. He wanted to be ready. And by the end of the day, he was so exhausted, that he wanted just to go to bed. But that wasn’t meant to happen as he saw a notification under his last post which made his heart skip a beat.

**_lucallemant_ left a comment under your photo**

**_«these are some wise words, man»_ **

Logically Eliott knew that could be literally anyone. There were thousands of Lucases in this world and this one could be anyone. He had no reason to lose his shit over this. And just to prove he was right he decided to check the stranger page to calm himself down. On the main picture there was a photo of the boy with the ball which gave him absolutely no information about the person. But that wasn’t the only problem. He couldn't check his other photos as the page was private. And there was no way Eliott would have followed him, especially in the case he was wrong and that was _that_ Lucas. And at the end he didn’t need to do anything to know the truth, as he saw:

**followed by _emile.elime_**

Emile was following the boy. And Eliott didn’t want to think about bad stuff, but the possibilities of the guy not being that Lucas were becoming lesser and lesser. And the fact that the boy found him and left his mark… well, it wasn’t good at all. And it would be wise of Elliott to delete the comment before Emile noticed it. But he couldn’t make himself do it. He just closed the app and went to bed hoping that the next morning the comment would disappear itself.

 

The bad news was that this comment didn’t disappear. The good news was that Emile didn’t see it. Eliott had no idea how it could have happened because Emile was the guy who notices everything. Especially on Instagram. But in the morning he didn’t say a word and that meant only one thing: he didn’t know. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have given Eliott a break with his questions. 

At school, Elliott was trying to forget about the whole thing and that was easier to say than done. Emile couldn’t stop looking for a boy. Being in the company of Eliott, Idriss and Sofiane his eyes were still wondering somewhere else. He was observing the whole school, and the guys were laughing at it without him even noticing. Eliott had to pretend that it seemed funny to him too. But in fact, he was dreading it. He was dreading to see the boy and lose himself in his eyes again.

But the boy didn’t appear before their eyes, and they all went to their classes and everything was calm. Before Sofiane decided to speak with him.

"Why is it Emile’s Lucas commenting your photos?" Sofiane asked and it would be an understatement to say that Eliott was surprised. He expected it from anyone but not from Sofiane. The guy was usually too busy with his life to notice such things. At least Eliott thought so.

"You know that I have no idea what you’re talking about?" Eliott asked, trying to sound neutral.

"The boy Emile has a crush on commented your photo yesterday, you didn’t see?" Eliott shook his head. Liar. «That’s strange, don’t you think?»

"Not at all." Eliott had to make him believe that it was an absolutely normal thing. And that was probably an absolutely normal thing. "Emile followed him on Instagram, and the boy probably decided to know his friends. It’s a good sign, right?"

"Well, he didn’t leave a comment to me or Idriss or Emile!"

When did Sofiane become so attentive to Instagram shit?

"It’s not my fault that my posts are cooler than yours." Eliott joked and Sofiane bumped him in the shoulder.

They laughed together, and that topic was closed for now. And Eliott hoped that all Sofiane’s suspicions went away. He didn’t need these troubles right now.

  
Eliott was the first who came at their table in the cafeteria. He had no idea where his band was, but he didn’t really mind sitting a little bit alone for a while. Without Idriss being moody again. Without Sofiane looking for Imane in the crowd. And without Emile looking for the boy around. He put his tray on the table and sat down. And as soon as it happened, somebody else took a seat in front of him. Eliott expected to see one of his friends, but he defiantly didn’t expect to see _him._

"Hi!" The boy smiled. And, oh God, he had a beautiful smile.

"Hi," Eliott mumbled. The alarm was ringing in his head. «Did you want something?» Eliott took a sandwich in his hand trying to show that he had no interest in the conversation. What a lie!

"Yeah. I came to say that I’m deeply offended." The boy announced and Eliott looked at him confused. «At first you leave me at the bus station not even saying your name and then you pay no attention to my comment on your Instagram. That’s very rude of you.»

And that’s all was said in such a serious and childish tone that Eliott couldn’t hold his laugh. And judging by the satisfied smile on the boy’s face it was exactly what he was trying to achieve.

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, sorry." Eliott smiled at him, having bitten his sandwich. The boy's eyes were following him. «Did you want anything else?»

"Nah, I’m just sitting here until my friends come." The boy said, looking around. "I’ve skipped a couple of lessons, and they already found some new friends."

"That sucks."

"I thought so too, but looking at my position now… " The boy leaned over the table and whispered. "I don’t really mind."

The boy winked at Eliott and Eliott's nearly choked with his sandwich. How could this angel-like boy so shamelessly flirt with him in the middle of the school? And how could Eliott enjoy it? How could he let himself enjoy it? He literally couldn’t stop smiling at the boy and take away his eyes of him. They were holding each other’s gaze and nobody was ready to finish this game. This stupid game in which their eyes were playing and which what the opposite of what Eliott was planning. He wanted to let the boy go, and definitely not to get attracted to him even more. And he failed. He failed and at that moment he had no regrets. There were no regrets at all until he heard the voice behind his back:

"Eliott, sorry, we held up. Do you remember those new guys we were talking about, right? We’ve just met them and…" Emile stopped the second he saw who was at the table with Eliott. "Hi." He whispered to the boy and smiled. And the way he looked at him made Eliott's heart squeeze. Because that wasn’t a look of _«I have a crush»_ Emile. But that was the look of _«I fall really, really hard»_ Emile. Eliott knew that Emile too well.

"Hi, I’m Lucas!" The boy introduced himself. And that was it. There was still a tiny hope in Eliott’s heart that it wasn’t _that_ Lucas. That it was just a confusion. But as soon as Emile and the boy's hands touched in the handshake all the hopes have vanished. That was a lost battle now.

"I didn’t know you and Eliott knew each other!" Sofiane, who was standing right behind Emile, looked at Eliott. Fuck! He knew that something was off.

"Yeah!" Emile nodded his head. "How do you know each other?"

He looked straight at Eliott, expecting an answer, and Eliott knew that he had only one chance not to fuck it up. He needed to tell the truth.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Lucas isn't really subtle here, isn't he?)  
> Please let me know if you liked this chapter and let me know if you didn't because every opinion matters!  
> Thank you for reading! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sofiane's suspicious, Lucas's offended and maybe ELiott is a little bit lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to the previous chapter was truly overwhelming! Everyone who reads this story makes me so much happier, so thank you! You're just the best!

“We met at the bus station yesterday,” Eliott wanted to tell the truth, and that was it. The truth.

“You didn’t mention anything,” Emile noted while they were settling in around the table.

Eliott knew that at least two pairs of eyes were looking at him now: Lucas and Sofiane’s. _Shit._

“I forgot, didn’t I?” He shrugged his shoulders, trying to avoid Lucas’ gaze. Part of him hoped that the boy wasn’t offended by it. Another part of him was fuming that he really cared about it.

“That’s a real crime, isn’t it?” Emile said, but his words were meant only for Lucas.

The boy captured all of Emile’s attention. Eliott was sure if the bombing had started outside right at this moment, his friend wouldn’t have even noticed. And that thought was killing him. He seriously hoped that it was a simple crush, nothing too serious as usual, but by the look on Emile’s face, it was obviously not the case. If they had been in some cartoon right now, he would have had heart-eyes on his face.

“How are you finding our school?” Emile asked Lucas while Sofiane was eating Eliott with his eyes. Idriss was the only one who acted absolutely normal, eating his lunch. Eliott was staring at his sandwich. He knew that one glance in the wrong direction would be the end of his.

“Well, at first it seemed really strange to be here. But with every second I enjoy it more and more.”

Eliott didn’t see Lucas’ face, but he was sure that the boy glanced at him the second he said those words. _What a fucker!_

“That’s great to hear!” Emile exclaimed.

Luckily, being in love for him meant the same as living in the fool’s paradise. He was becoming blind to the most evident things. And that was the first time when Eliott was really grateful for it. Shame he couldn’t say the same about Sofiane. He could feel future problems with him with his bones.

“So are you going to tell me where did you bury bodies of my friends or I need to call the police? Cause you were the one with whom I saw them last time.” Lucas said playfully and Emile laughed. And he wasn’t the only one as Idriss smirked too. Sofiane was still too busy with glaring at Eliott. _Shit!_

But there was something that let a tiny smile appear on Eliott’s face for a split-second. Lucas’ friends didn’t dump him for his new friends, but he dumped them. He saw Eliott’s gang with his friends, and he decided not to join them but come here and sit with Eliott. And Eliott was 99% percent sure that it was his imagination playing with him, but, still, the idea was warming him inside. And that sucked.

“Don’t worry, they’re going to be here soon,” Emile said. And Eliott wasn’t sure if his eyes even left Lucas’ face during all this time.

“Yeah, the girls caught them, and your guys probably have some problems to run away from them now,» Idriss added, and Emile nodded his head in agreement.

“Was Daphne there?” Lucas asked. Idriss nodded while chewing his sandwich. “Then it’s probably girls can't run away from my boys and not another way around. Bazile lost his head over Daphne, and now she is the only thing he can talk about.»

Lucas tried to sound irritated, but his voice was really soft while he was talking about his friend. Eliott liked that.

“I better go and save them.”

Lucas stood up, grabbing his bag. Emile clearly wasn’t happy about it.

“You can always sit and eat with us,” he suggested, but Lucas shook his head. Thankfully.

“Maybe another time.” The boy winked to them and left. Finally, Eliott could breathe again.

“He’s so cool, right?” Emile was looking at his friends. He definitely expected them to support him in his thinking.

“He’s alright,” Idriss commented, but the tone of his voice didn’t show any interest in the boy at all.

Suddenly the phone vibrated in Eliott’s pocket, and he totally missed what Sofiane had to say about the new guy while pulling it out. When he saw a notification, his hands began to shake. And he didn’t want to think about the reason behind it.

**_lucallemant_ ** **sent you a message**

Never in his life had Eliott wanted to open and no to open the message at the same time. Still, Lucas’s gone just a few seconds ago, and Eliott was dying to know what he could have possibly sent to him. But the fact that Emile was sitting right next to him didn’t make anything easier. And his best friend was clearly under «Lucas’ effect». However, so as Eliott, so after a couple of moments of staring at the screen, he finally opened his message.

 **lucallemant**  
forgot about me?  
seriously??!!!  
now i’m even more offended

It was a miracle how Eliott managed not to burst into laughter after reading this. That was really funny and even cute in a way. And he couldn’t stop smiling at his phone. He just couldn’t control his face. And he knew that it was stupid of him, and it wasn’t the place for this shit, but he hoped that nobody would notice it. _How naïve._

 

It didn’t take long for Sofiane to catch Eliott after the lessons and took him «to talk». Eliott wasn’t stupid, and he knew that it was coming, especially after all the glares of the guy in the cafeteria. His friend surely suspected that something was off, and he wasn’t the person who was ready to let go of something easily. It was now Eliott’s task to persuade him that he saw things, which weren’t real. And that was a hell task to do.

“You can start talking,” Sofiane said while they were walking down the street.

Idriss and Emile were still in the school as they had one more lesson. And now Eliott really wished they were with them just to stop Sofiane from sniffing around.

“Can you at least explain what I have done wrong now?” Eliott said playfully, knowing pretty well that no way Sofiane would buy this.

“Eliott, can you not disrespect me like this, please?!” Sofiane said, being unimpressed.

“Ok, just ask what you want to know, and I’ll answer if I’ll have the answers you need,” Eliott gave up immediately. He didn’t want to fall out with Sofiane. Not because of something that wasn’t even a thing. And that was the point Eliott had intentions to prove.

“Why did you lie about not knowing the boy when I asked you about his comment?” Sofiane went straight to the questions. Actually, it was a pretty easy one.

“I didn’t know it was him. And as I’ve said, I totally forgot about this bus-station meeting.” That lie was easy to say. And that was a lie. Because this «bus-station meeting» was everything he could think about that day.

Sofiane was looking at him with suspicion. He didn't believe him or didn’t believe him fully. He clearly had his doubts, but he changed the course of his «interrogation». And his next question wasn’t so easy to answer.

“Why are you both were acting so strange when we came?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” That was the truth. Eliott tried to act as casual as possible, and he’s done nothing but stared at the tray on the table. And apparently, that was the wrong thing to do.

“Then why did you avoid looking at us and especially at Lucas and Emile while the boy was fucking you with his eyes right under our noses?”

Sofiane stood in front of Eliott, expecting to hear a good, reasonable explanation. But Eliott wasn’t rushing with his answer as his mate’s words gave him something to think about. Was Lucas’ staring really so obvious and bad? Eliott knew that the boy was looking at him from time to time, but «fucking him with his eyes»? No. Sofiane clearly overreacted.

“I didn’t notice such a thing,” Eliott said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Of course, you were too busy with your tray!” Sofiane exclaimed, and Eliott chuckled.

“Look, mate, till the moment the boy crashed at the table I even didn’t know his name!” _Liar._ “I have no idea why he left me that comment, and I don’t know what you saw at the table, but you clearly misread the situation. I don’t know the boy, and it looks like he’s just trying to be friendly with everyone. And I wasn’t in the mood for this bullshit, so that’s why I didn’t pay to him any attention at the lunch!” Eliott put all his soul into these words just to sound sincere and for Sofiane to believe him.

“Why? What happened? Was it connected with your disappearance yesterday?” Now Sofiane was worried about him. _Great!_

Eliott began to feel like he was doing everything only worse. Maybe, he really should have told the truth, called the boy some crazy stalker and maybe it would have taken Emile’s interest off him. But somehow Eliott couldn’t do such a thing to the boy. So the lie kept coming.

“No. I just studied till late and didn’t get much sleep,” he reassured his friend and put his hands on Sofiane’s shoulders. “My point is that there is nothing going between me and the boy. I swear. ”

“OK. I believe you,” Sofiane finally said, and it felt like he was serious. Eliott smiled at him while his conscience was eating him up inside. He hated lying to his friends. However, he had good intentions. “I just see how Emile looks at this boy, and it looks serious. And if there is something between you and Lucas, then you better tell the truth now. You and Emile are both my friends, and I love you, so I don’t want one of you to suffer at the end. And today I felt the vibe that it’s pretty much possible.”

Sofiane was always a very perceptive person. He knew when someone was feeling bad or hiding something. He noticed things which others didn’t. He asked questions which others were afraid to ask. And he was always there for you when you needed even if you didn’t ask him. And that was the moment when Eliott saw all of it in him and even thought about him being right. Maybe he should have told everything straight away. To him. To Idriss. To Emile. And not just about his meeting with Lucas, but also about the feelings which the boy made him feel. And maybe it would have saved him from a real misery in the future, but there was one problem: he saw the way Emile was looking at Lucas too. There was no going back now.

“If Lucas is into guys then Emile can take him, I don’t care. No man can stand between the best buddies, right?” Eliott was smiling at Sofiane until he started to smile back.

Eliott clapped him on the back, and they continued to walk not mentioning Lucas anymore. And Eliott hated himself for talking about the boy like he was some object which they could pass to each other, but he had to do it that way. Sofiane had to hear it like this. He knew that there was no way Eliott would have said something like that about the person he really cared about.

 

Eliott and Emile were chilling on their sofa, eating pasta and watching some crappy TV show. They were talking about school and the stuff they had to do but were too lazy for it. And that was a typical evening for them. They both were checking their phones times from time… well, Emile actually didn’t take his eyes off his, but Eliott wasn’t so addicted to that thing. Thank God. But one notification was enough for him to lose his shit over it.

**_lucallemant_ ** **sent you a message**

And for some reason, he didn’t hesitate this time and read it straight away.

 **lucallemant**  
still offended  
…

Once again that made Eliott smile, but not for long, as Emile was sitting in a couple of inches from him. And probably it was Lucas’ page he was obsessively looking through even if he already saw it a thousand times.

Looking at Lucas’ messages, Eliott began to think what under other circumstances he should have done. He should have clicked «follow» and that would have been the next move Lucas was clearly waiting from him. And in this reality, he was almost ready to do it, as they officially knew each other now. Emile and Sofiane have already followed him, and that wouldn’t have been weird if Eliott would’ve started to follow him too. But that could have given the boy the wrong idea, and Eliott didn’t want to do it. And he also didn’t want to get too close to the boy. He knew almost nothing about him, and his page could give him something, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to get even more attached to him. He couldn’t let it happen.

“This is so interesting. He’s so open and so closed at the same time,” Emile said thoughtfully, having attracted Eliott’s attention.

“Who?”

“Lucas!” Emile answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “His page is full of photos of him and his friends, but still it says nothing about him as a person!”

That was ironic how just a couple seconds ago Eliott was thinking about not wanting to know anything from Lucas’ page, but Emile decided to give him something to cling to anyway. As if the universe was laughing at him. But Emile’s started it, and now Eliott was too intrigued to let it go.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Well, if you look at your page you’ll see that you like drawing, your stupid dubstep music and that you have the “Polaris” project in which you put all your soul. Sofiane’s page is all about dances, charities and child-football. Mine is a fan-page of every hot dude on this planet and Agatha Christie. Idriss posts nothing because he doesn’t care about the shit. Lucas’ friend Bazile is a guy who loves stupid memes, jokes and girls. And looking at Lucas’ page, it’s all just him and his friend doing stupid things with dumbasses faces!”

“Maybe he’s just a dumbass?” Eliott suggested, wishing it would be the truth. If it were like that, it would have been so much easier for him and Emile to forget about his existence.

“Nah, you saw him. It’s obvious that he’s much more than that.”

Unfortunately, Eliott couldn’t but agree. And that was a funny thing. He and Emile didn’t know the boy at all, but they both felt his energy which was screaming about him being unique in some way.

“Well, not everybody loves to show the whole world his life. It’s a normal thing.”

“Yeah, I know. I just want to know something about him. If I even have a chance for starters. But I have no idea where to start.” Emile sounded desperate, and that didn’t look like him at all. Usually, he always knew how to make the first move and what to do next. But now he looked lost. He was afraid to fuck all up. That was too important.

“Just write to him,” Eliott suggested, thinking about their own chat which Lucas’s created earlier.

“Won’t it be too weird? Just to write to him out of nowhere?” Clearly, Emile wasn’t sure that it was a good idea.

“Well, just ask him if he managed to save Daphne or some shit like that. If he will answer, that’s great. If he won’t… well, his loss!”

Eliott clapped him on the shoulder and went to wash their dishes. He saw that Emile was thinking about his words for several moments, and then he started typing. A few minutes have passed when Eliott’s heard a happy squeal from him. There were no questions needed. It seemed like he’s got his answer. And despite the fact that Eliott was partly the one who helped it to happen, he still didn’t feel like sitting and witnessing the scene. He finished washing the dishes and went to his room. Emile was too busy to notice his absence anyway.

That night he went to sleep early. And right before it, he checked his phone one last time. There was one new message.

 **lucallemant** **  
** :((

Eliott’s heart sank, and he closed the chat immediately. He didn’t want to think about why the boy just couldn’t leave him alone. But Eliott was going to help him with it. If Eliott would ignore him then the boy would give up. Probably he’s already done that. And that was quite a painful thing for Eliott to think about. But that was the only way. He was doing the right thing. At least he wanted to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You see, Eliott's a really good friend, right? But how long will it take for him to give up... ? ;)  
> As usual, every opinion will be appreaciated!  
> Thank you for reading! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliott's invited to the party and his tongue gets him in the troubles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's still here and who's still reading! Love you all!

The day was calm. Actually, it was Friday, so everybody was just patiently waiting for it to pass to finally enjoy weekends. Idriss decided to give himself one extra day off, so he skipped school, having said that he didn’t feel well. Of course, it was a lie, and nobody knew where the guy really was. Because he definitely wasn’t at home. Imane said that. However, it didn’t really bother his friends that he lied. If he needed time, they were ready to give it to him.

“Do we have plans on these weekends?” Sofiane asked while they were chilling on the bench outside the school. That was a sunny day so most of the students were crawling back from the building just to enjoy a little bit of sun on their break.

“No, as far as I know,” Eliott said, having closed his eyes. He was facing the sun. Its tender rays were having a relaxing effect on him.

“Emile?” Sofiane turned to another friend.

“What?” Emile asked because he clearly didn’t hear the question.

The fact was that Emile wasn’t with Eliott and Sofiane that day. He was with his phone. More precisely, he was with Lucas. Since Eliott left him yesterday evening, he didn’t see his mate let his eyes off the thing. And that was irritating. For more than one reason. But he was smiling a lot, and that was enough for Eliott to put up with this. Though he desperately wanted to know what was so interesting in their conversation that couldn’t let Emile go. But Eliott didn’t ask. He wasn’t sure that he was ready to know the answer.

“I’m starting to get jealous here!” Sofiane resented, but the smile was giving him away. Eliott opened his eyes just to see it, and that made him smile. Emile rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything back. Emile’s phone vibrated again, and he turned his attention to it. “See? We’ve lost him!”

“Hi!” Eliott had no time to answer, as he heard a grating girl’s voice.

“Hi, Daphne!” Sofiane answered.

Daphne and Imane were standing in front of them, and it wasn’t the blond Sofiane was looking at. Of course.  Once again Imane became the center of his universe. And it was clearly a mutual thing. How nobody noticed how these two were looking at each other yet was beyond Eliott. He’s been waiting for an invitation to their wedding since they met the first time. And they were just kids then!

“We came to invite you to our party tonight at Emma’s,” Daphne said excitedly.

“Tonight?” Eliott asked confused. Was she serious? “Who’s inviting people to the party on the day of the party?”

“Well…” The smile vanished of Daphne's face. She clearly didn’t have an answer.

“Every time we invite you, you turn us down, so what’s the difference? You just say “no”, and we’ll leave you alone,” Imane said, and that was a good point. They really were rare guests at the girls’ parties. It wasn’t that they didn’t like being there, but it didn’t feel right. Imane was always trying to look after Idriss for him not to get too drunk. Sofiane was running after her just in case she needed help. Emile was «too cool and old» to make out with his classmates and always ran away to the local gay bars. And Eliott was simply bored. So in the end, it wasn’t a pleasure for anyone, so they skipped what the girls were offering them quite a lot. Still, Daphne was always trying to get them in, Eliott gave her credit for that.

“And before you say “no” just hear us out!” The Daphne asked, and that was the least they could do. “This party is devoted to all the new students in our school. We want them to feel like home, and we want to welcome them properly. So it would be great to gather as many students as possible!»

“Well, that sounds nice, but…” Eliott began, but Emile woke up in time to stop him.

“That means all the new guys will be there?” He asked, and Daphne began to nod her head like a crazy energized bunny. That was scary as fuck. “We will be there!” Emile announced.

Daphne squealed with excitement and began to jump, clapping her hands. Imane smiled too, but Eliott knew that it wasn’t about them coming. It was about Sofiane coming.

“Great! That will be great!”

These were the last Daphne’s words before the girls went away. Eliott and Sofiane were looking at Emile with the question in their eyes.

“What?” He said. “There’s no better place to know the people than a party. So I think that’s a great idea.”

Of course, he wasn't fooling anyone. The only reason he dragged them in this was Lucas. He wanted to reach the boy, and he was clinging to every chance. Eliott could understand it, but it didn’t make him less frustrated. It was a real challenge to watch them texting to each other, but to watch them interact at the party where will be a lot of alcohol and no shame? That would be torture. He really needed to find a way to avoid this execution. And when he started to think about all the possibilities, the phone vibrated in his pocket.

 **lucallemant**  
I guess i see you at the party then? ;)

This message made Eliott look around immediately to find what he was looking for. Lucas and his friends, Eliott still didn’t know them, were standing right in front of the entrance of the school. Lucas was lazily leaning on the wall, turning his phone in his hand, while his mates were actively discussing something. And suddenly Eliott wasn’t sure if he really wanted to miss this party.

 

“Are you alright?” Emile asked Eliott when he noticed that his friend was too quiet.

Eliott was sitting on Emile’s bed while his friend was running around in a panic, trying to find what to wear. Everything he chose he showed to Eliott and every time Eliott nodded his head as his approval his friend decided that it wasn’t that. So Eliott was nothing more than an accessory at this moment, and he didn’t mind. It was nice to see Emile so excited.

But there was something that was bothering him, and he knew that Emile would be the only one to understand.

“My mum and dad want to meet me tomorrow. They say they have some news,” Eliott shared with a friend with what he’s heard only an hour ago on the phone. Emile stopped with his fussing and sat on the bed facing Eliott. He looked concerned.

“And what did you say?”

“I said that I’ll let them know later.” Eliott sounded guilty. He knew he did because he was feeling it.

After everything his parents did for him, he was really shitty with them. And him not wanting to go to see them was a real example of it. He didn’t deserve them.

“Don’t feel bad just because you feel what you feel,” Emile said the same thing he was always telling him when they were talking about Eliott’s parents. He knew what emotions this topic was arising in him. “If you don’t want to go, tell them. They’ll understand. If you want to go, but if it’s still hard, I can go with you, it isn't a problem. But you don’t have to do anything that doesn’t sit right with you, OK?” As always, his tone was caring and reassuring. Emile always knew what buttons were needed to push.

“Yeah, I know.” Eliott smiled. “But this time I think I need to go. Alone. I owe them that. And I think it’d be right.”

“Only if you’re sure.” Emile reached Eliott’s hand and squeezed it. “But if you change your mind, you know where I am. Don’t you ever forget that you are not alone.”

Emile smiled at him once again and then returned to his wardrobe. Eliott looked at his phone.

**[Mother]**

Write me a place and the time and I’ll be there

He pushed «send» and put away the phone. And as Eliott couldn't have thought any good reason to save himself from his future suffering, he and Emile still had a party to go to.

 

When they arrived the place was already filled with loud music, smoke, and drunk students. Emile had a habit to come to the parties later because it was when all fun was starting. So the fact that half of the people were already lost to this world didn’t surprise Eliott at all. He knew that Sofiane and Idriss have been already here, as they came together with Imane. Eliott and Emile were trying to break through sweat drunk bodies with Eliott trying to avoid all the unnecessary tactile contact with them. And it was a challenge to go past them without somebody pouring the content of his cups on them or something worse. Actually, there was already a pretty awful smell in the flat, but everybody was too out of their minds to notice it.

“Awww! You came!” A blonde fury rushed on them with a big hug. That was some awkward shit, but Emile and Eliott just accepted it, smiling.

“Sorry, we’re late,” Emile said to Daphne, giving her one of his charming smiles. Despite him being gay and everybody knowing about it, he still had an effect on the girls, and he knew how to use it. “So are all the new students here?”

“Yeah, we’ve read them a welcome speech and half of them probably have already fallen asleep somewhere.” Manon appeared next to Manon with the cup in her hand. With the cup of something non-alcoholic. Every time she drank, she was getting into troubles, so she decided to quit it. And when Eliott and his friends came to the girls' party after all, she was his non-drinking buddy. Actually, he liked her and enjoyed her company. Sometimes they even had a «non-drinking quartet» with Imane and Sofiane when they were kind enough to join them.

“And Sofiane and Idriss? Did you see them?” Eliott was trying to find his friends in the crowd. Emile was looking into it too, but Eliott was sure that it wasn’t his mates he was looking for.

“Oh. You better see it yourself!” Manon smiled at them mysteriously and led them to another room.

All the people gathered in the big circle there, focusing all the attention to the center, clapping their hands and cheering. It took the company some effort to squeeze through all the bodies to know what that was about. And when Eliott saw the action a huge grin lightened his face.

“Are these two having a dance battle?” He shouted to Manon, and she just pointed to them, what meant “and what do you think?”.

At the center, Sofiane and Imane were standing facing each other and giving one of their best moves at a time. And that was fascinating. They were rivals, but they acted like a duet. They wanted to defeat the other, but they obviously didn’t want it to stop. The way their bodies moved, the way they looked at each other, the way they smiled, that all was screaming about some great story between them, which just couldn’t get started.

“Fucking soulmates!” Eliott commented, and Manon smiled at him because she knew.

Somehow, in the crowd, he lost Emile, and in an attempt to find him, he bumped into some boy, who poured his beer on Eliott’s shirt.

“Fuck!” Eliott roared, but the boy didn’t even notice it.

Thankfully, Eliott has already been in Emma’s house, so he knew where to start looking for a bathroom. Probably it had no sense to go there because some loved up couple has already probably occupied it. But he couldn’t go around, smelling like a beer barrel, so he had to try. When he opened the door, he got an impression that it was empty there and he rushed to the sink. However, he really should have looked around.

“And here I thought that you’ve been avoiding me.” Lucas’ voice made Eliott jump. Lucas’ drunk voice.

The boy was sitting in the bath with a bottle of beer in one hand and a joint in another. He was wearing black jeans and a dark-blue skirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His hair looked really wild, and Eliott thought that they were messy before, but that was something else. They were pointing in different directions, and a couple of locks were cascading over his face. And that was one of the hottest things Eliott ever saw. And that was scary what influence the boy’s look had on some of his organs.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Eliott turned to the sink and turned the water, trying to wash the smell of the beer of his hands and not to think about blue eyes, which were looking at him now.

“I’m waiting for my friends. They left to bring more booze, but I won’t be surprised if they have forgotten about me already. So do you want to join me?” Lucas extended his hand with a beer, and Eliott had no other choice but to look at him. Actually, he has had a choice, but who cared, right?

“Thanks, but I’m not drinking.” Eliott smiled at the way the boy’s face changed. He looked like he was trying to figure something out, but he couldn’t.

“You’re not smoking and you’re not drinking. Are you trying to be a perfect future son in law for your future girlfriend’s parents?” Lucas assumed, examining Eliott with his eyes. It made Eliott chuckle.

“Maybe,” he said with a smile. “Not necessary girlfriend’s though.” And that really slipped off his tongue, and that was too late when he understood what he’s done. He realized it only when he saw the way boys’ eyes brightened up, and he licked his lips. Fucking hell, Eliott really wasn’t handling it well. And it was definitely getting too hot in the room.

And luckily for Eliott, he was saved before he said something he could regret later as the door opened, and three boys rushed into the room, screaming and shouting something. Eliott caught a glimpse of disappointment on Lucas’s face before it was replaced with a wide smile. And here was the moment when Eliott decided that he needed to go. Well, he ran away from there actually.

The party was gaining momentum as the people were getting drunker and craziness around has become more surreal. There were couples making out at every corner of the flat. And it wasn’t possible to hide from the view of tongues and naked bodies anymore. Eliott felt like he was ready to go home any time soon, but still, he was staying, chatting with Sofiane and Manon. And part of him knew what didn’t let him go so easily. The boy who was passing him by with his mates a couple of times and glancing at him secretly. But those glances were enough for Eliott to start burning inside.

“When are you going to talk to her?” Eliott asked Sofiane, trying to distract himself. Imane came to them earlier and took Manon away because Emma needed their help. And when he saw once again a look of a loved-up puppy on his friend’s he couldn’t help himself. Sofiane looked at him questioning. Eliott rolled his eyes. “Come on, mate, you and Imane are soulmates, even the blind can see it. Just go and talk to her!”

“Like it’s so easy!” At least Sofiane wasn’t denying his feelings.

“You’ll never know if you won’t try,” Eliott said, and Sofiane clearly began to think about it.

“Hi, Eliott!” A brunette suddenly jumped out in front of him. Liana. He remembered her. A nice tiny girl with whom he was making out on some parties before but nothing more. She definitely had a crush on him, but he was always clear about not wanting anything serious. But she was too clingy, and he decided not to go there again.

“Hi,” he said, having zero interest in her.

Actually, there was something much more interesting in the background. Lucas and his friends were in the frame again, only this time Idriss and Emile joined them. He saw only Lucas, Idriss and the blond guy with the glasses on his face, but it was clear that all their attention was drugged by Emile. He was telling something waving his arms around. The company was constantly laughing. Lucas was laughing too. And probably it could have upset Eliott, but it wasn’t like that. Because he knew that the boy was glancing at him again from time to time, but he was doing it carefully. Nobody has noticed a thing. But Eliott did. And he saw how hard Emile was trying to attract the boy’s attention, and it wasn’t fair to take it away, from him, so Eliott needed to act. And he needed to act fast.

Liana was still standing there, talking some shit about «good old times» and «having fun», and Eliott saw an opportunity. He knew that it was the wrong thing to do, he knew that he would regret this in the morning. But that was an extreme measure. So he grabbed her by her jacket, pulled her closer, closed his eyes and kissed. That wasn’t even a kiss, but a weak attempt. But Liana didn’t notice it apparently, as she grabbed his face with hands and responded to the kiss. And Eliott felt nothing, absolutely nothing apart from a desire to finish it as soon as possible. And that «kiss» didn’t really last long, 10-15 seconds, but for Eliott, it seemed like an eternity. And when he opened his eyes, he saw that company disappeared once again and Lucas too, so he broke off the kiss immediately, said Liana something about calling her later and rushed to the door. The party was over for him now.

When he came back home, he didn’t fell asleep straight away. He decided to go through another torture and watch all the Instagram posts his friends and other students posted from the party. And there were many photos. Sofiane posted a photo with Imane, calling her the best dance-rival ever. Idriss posted a photo of the battle, describing Imane and Sofiane as «these talented fuckers». That was an achievement for him. Probably he was really impressed. Manon had a photo with Eliott, Sofiane and Imane, which had the caption «best non-drinking buddies in the world». Eliott smiled and liked it. And as for Emile… he posted a lot. Eliott wasn’t with him a lot at the party, but his friend was clearly enjoying it. His page was full of photos with different people, some of them Eliott knew, some of them he saw the first time. And there was a lot of Lucas there. Of course, it wasn’t only him, but the girls, his friends, and Emile, but, still, he was the one who attracted Eliott’s attention. And here he saw what Emile was talking about the other day. Lucas was a fan of dorky faces on photos and somehow it didn’t feel like him. And Eliott had to close all the photos before he went too far away with this in his thoughts. The reality was that he didn’t know the boy. They shared several strange moments but that was it. No information about him or his personality. Eliott still knew nothing. But still, he wasn’t surprised when he got the message.

 **lucallemant**  
i had to leave too  
that’s all was just fake

And Eliott didn’t even think what the boy meant. It could be about this stupid party, or about people pretending as if they cared about them, or about Eliott’s kiss or about anything else for that matter. He just fell asleep, thinking about him not being a stranger to this feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it the time for Eliott and Lucas to have a real conversation which will consist of more than couple of phrases? Maybe, maybe...  
> Don't forget to share you opinion on this chapter!  
> Thank you for reading! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can be better than to come home and find Lucas Lallemant in your living room, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me posting another chapter so soon after the previous one? Yeah, I had some extra days-off, so enjoy! And as always thank you for all your response and lovely comments! You're the stars!

The weather was shitty. And it described Eliott’s mood perfectly. The rain couldn’t stop pouring, and it looked like the wind had a goal to blow away everything that it met on its way. Eliott really felt this atmosphere, especially when he was watching the nature powers taking control over the city out of the window of the cafe for the last half an hour. Unfortunately, no storm could stop his parents from seeing him, and he’s already agreed to it yesterday. Now he wasn’t sure that it was such a wise move, but he couldn’t change anything. He had to get his act together and deal with it.

“Are you sure that you’re alright?” His mother asked him once again, constantly keeping an eye on him. That was annoying.

“As I’ve already said,” Eliott highlighted this part of the sentence particularly as it really wasn’t the first time they’ve been discussing it that day. “I take my pills, don’t smoke and I don’t drink what I shouldn’t drink. I do everything by the book.”  In other words, he was living his new boring life of a perfect but sometimes fucked-up son.

“Eliott, I think that’s not what your mother meant,” His father noted, having grabbed Eliott’s mother’s hand. Eliott couldn’t shake the feeling that he was here more for her sake rather than his son’s. “You almost don’t talk with us anymore, so we have no idea what’s going in your life. You are even ignoring Lucile nowadays. So don’t act surprised when we become worried.” If his mother’s tone was soft and caring, Eliott’s father was speaking with clear condemnation in his voice.

“I’m sorry, but I literally have nothing to tell,” Eliott tried to explain what in reality was the truth. “I wake up, go to school, eat, come home, do my homework, eat and go to bed. Nothing exciting.” Even the thought about how meaningless his life has become was crushing him inside. That wasn’t a life for Eliott Demaury, but that was the life he had to choose.

“Darling, you still look very tired,” his mother couldn’t let it got.

“I just didn’t sleep well. That’s all.”

“Why? Is something bothering you?” His mother leaned over the table with deep concern in her eyes. And Eliott couldn’t stand this, so he looked down at his knees.

Of course, he did not intend to tell his parents what really has been keeping him up all night. He couldn’t tell them that one message from some boy was enough for him to lose his head. They’d have considered it as an alarm, and he couldn’t let it happen. If they found a reason to think that Eliott was in the zone of danger again, they would never leave him alone and that would literally kill him. He couldn’t be their captive anymore.

Of course, it wasn’t the only reason he kept silent about it… he also wasn’t ready to admit the truth himself. So that’s why he said what he’s made himself to believe in, “No. It’s just Emile came back home late, and he was very drunk, so I couldn’t concentrate on my sleep.” Partly that was the truth. Emile really returned late, and he clearly wasn’t sober, and he was making a lot of noises, so it sounded quite logical.

“Well, if it’s a problem to live with him now, then maybe you should consider coming back to us?” His mother suggested, and Eliott rolled his eyes. He knew that she would try this again. She never lost the hope to win him back. His mother wasn’t against Emile, but she did mind Eliott’s living apart from them. She didn’t understand. Actually, it was mainly his father, who let him go and made his mother accept it. Eliott really appreciated it.

“I’m fine with Emile, thanks.” He didn’t want to sound rude, but he was tired of this topic.

“Ok, if you say so.” His mother was upset, and she didn’t really try to hide it. But what Eliott could do? He had to choose what was the best for him, and living with his parents wasn’t even an option anymore.

“Actually, in that case, we have some news,” his father said, and suddenly he was looking very nervous. And Eliott’ mother’s face changed too. Apparently, Eliott was about to know the real reason why they wanted to meet him today. “I’ve got a job offer in Strasbourg. It’s only for six months, but it’s a good opportunity for…”

“Are you moving away?” Eliott interrupted him.

“Well, we’re only considering it. Nothing is decided, but I need to give an answer at the end of this month,” his father explained. And Eliott was amazed how worried his old man was. Even during the hardest times he always remained calm and sensible, but now his nerves began to take over him.

“That’s a good thing, right?” Eliott asked, and his father nodded his head.

“But it means that if your father agrees, we’ll have to leave at the end of the month,” his mother said.

“And you’re worried about me!” Eliott put two and two together. Of course, they haven’t said “yes” yet because of him. How stupid he was not to understand it straight away?

“Of course, we are!” His mother exclaimed. “Actually, we wanted to offer you to join us…” She murmured, and Eliott chuckled. _Of course!_

“But before you kick off, we know that you won’t agree. We are not stupid!” Eliott’s father meddled in faster than Eliott managed to say something.

“We don’t want you to think that we’re leaving you and that we’re bad parents…” His mother said, and the tears came to her eyes. Eliott knew that he needed to act immediately.

“You are being bad parents? Seriously?” He smiled and extended his hands to her. Their hands touched and she smiled at it. “You were the best parents and support I could wish for! You’ve done so much for me, and there is no way I would ever let you throw your life away because of me! So if you want to take this chance then take it. I will be alright. And I’m already eighteen so it won’t be a problem,” he said, and it looked like his words have worked. His parents looked relieved now.

“Are you sure?” Eliott’s father asked.

“Absolutely.” He smiled again, hoping that they would make the right decision after all. Their life would be so much better without him. And if they really began to consider running away now then they definitely should do it.

 

By the time Eliott got back home, he was drenched. It didn’t look like the rain was going to end any time soon and such word as «umbrella» was something unknown to him. Of course, he had to promise his parents that he would take a taxi for them to let him go, but that was another lie. He enjoyed such a chaotic whether too much to miss the moment of enjoying it fully. And was there any place that could have been better for it than a dark alley under the bridge? Eliott definitely didn’t think so. He was sitting there for hours, absorbing the atmosphere and abstracting himself from this world. And for a while, it worked. He forgot about all his concerns. But that was until he got back home.

“What the fuck?” He exclaimed when he saw a group of the boys with Emile in their living room. And that wasn't just any boys. It was Lucas and his mates. A tall, muscular black bloke, a skinny blonde with curly hair and glasses, another skinny guy with crazy hair and weird look on his face and Lucas. Lucas looking like an angel with his soft hair, charming smile and blue eyes. He was sitting on the floor together with Emile, and before Eliott turned up the company was loudly discussing something, looking at the boy.

“Eliott! What the fuck?! You’re all wet!” Emile shouted as soon as he saw Eliott. The guy jumped out on his feet and rushed to him.

“I’m fine. I didn’t know we have guests today.” Eliott ignored his friend’s concern.

“Well, we agreed to meet yesterday at the party and when the weather went to shit I suggested hanging out at ours. You don’t mind, right?”

Actually, Eliott did mind, and Emile probably has guessed it himself. That was one of the bad habits of Eliott’s best friend: he loved organizing stuff in the flat not asking what Eliott was thinking about it. And Eliott got used to it eventually, but seeing here the boy, who has become the reason for him not sleeping, was too much. But he had no energy for a fight either. Especially when there were people whom he knew nothing about near them.

“Whatever,” he muttered and went to his room, trying his best not to look at Emile’s new friends. But he felt how their eyes were watching him. How his eyes were still watching him.

Emile didn’t let him go so easily. He followed him to his room.

“Eliott, mate, are you alright?”

“Yes.” No, he actually wasn’t.

“How was the meeting with your parents?” Emile just couldn’t stop.

“Fine.” No, that was far away from fine.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Emile sounded too worried, it was only making Eliott angrier.

“No.” Eliott took off all his clothes and settled on his bed, having turned away from his friend. He hoped that he would take a hint. And he did.

“Ok, but if you want to talk, you know where I am,” Emile said, and Eliott’s heard the slam of the door.

He didn’t really know what was bothering him about Emile’s presence so much, but he didn’t want him near now. Not when he had a better company to spend his time with. And Eliott was alright on his own. He had no powers for any of his life’s shits right now. He just needed to rest, so he closed his eyes and dozed off.

 

Eliott didn’t know how much he slept, but when he woke up it was quite dark outside. At least he was feeling better now. And also he felt guilty because he was obviously unnecessary rude to Emile and maybe he wasn’t really welcoming with his new mates. That wasn’t right of Eliott, and he didn’t like that situation. So after a couple of minutes of thinking, he decided to go and fix this, at least with Emile.

While he was putting his clothes on, he couldn’t but noticed that it was suspiciously quiet outside of his room. It wasn’t in the style of Emile and his «quiet evening with the friends». Eliott even thought that the guys decided to change the location at the end, but decided to come out and check anyway. And as soon as he saw that the lights of the room were off, he was almost sure that the company’s gone, so when he saw a dark silhouette sitting on the couch, he jumped up.

“Fuck!” He whispered when Lucas turned his head and looked at him. “What the fuck are you doing here sitting in the dark?” Eliott asked, looking for the switch on the wall.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Lucas sounded really apologetic.

“And where are Emile and your friends?” Eliott asked and finally turned on the light. And the minute the boy’s face was lightened Eliott was shooked by it. Not by its beauty as usual but by its sadness, which was written all over it.

“The boys went home. I stayed with Emile for another round, and then he began to fall asleep and I led him to his bed. He can’t drink, right?” Lucas smiled at Eliott, but all Eliott could see were his eye. His eyes looked no blue but redd now. It looked like he was crying. “Sorry! You must be wondering what I'm still doing here.” Lucas giggled nervously, and that gave Eliott goosebumps. “I’m already leaving!” Lucas began to fuss looking for something around him.

“No!” Eliott said and it probably sounded too sharply as Lucas looked at him scared. As if he was caught at the crime scene. “You’ve been stalking me for days, so surely you won’t reject drinking with me, right?” Eliott grinned at the boy, and he looked at him confused.

“I thought you are not drinking?” He asked and Eliott smirked.

“Well, there are always exceptions. I had a really shitty day, so…”

“There is no problem which a couple of bottles of beer couldn’t solve.” The boy finished his sentence and smiled shyly. That was probably the cutest thing Eliott ever saw. And the fact that Lucas looked more relaxed now made him relax a little bit more too.

“You got it right.”

Eliott went to the fridge just to take two bottles of beers for him and Lucas. There was always beer in their fridge even if nobody drank it. That was in case of emergency and Eliott was happy that the boys didn’t drink it. Actually, he pretty sure that Lucas wasn’t even so drunk. Especially in comparison with what he saw at Emma’s party.

“Here.” He extended the boy a bottle and sat next to him.

There were still two sides fighting inside of him. One was telling him off for what he was doing, saying that he needed to let the boy go as he planned to do. And another one was protecting his decision as the boy didn’t look like it would have been a good idea to leave him alone. And Eliott preferred to listen to the second side.

“So are you going to explain to me know why you are ignoring my texts?” Lucas asked and at the moment a shy boy Elliott saw earlier disappeared. There was a challenge in Lucas’ eyes when he looked at him. And Eliott wondered how many sides did the boy actually have?

“That’s simple. I don’t know you. And my mother always taught me not to speak with strangers.” Eliott looked back at Lucas and made the first sip. The boy laughed. And Eliott wasn’t sure what was making him warm inside: the alcohol or this beautiful sound. “Now my turn to ask…” Eliott pretended like he was thinking about something while a real question was already on his mind. “Are your friends think that I’m prick now?” He couldn’t say that he cared, but all his friends knew Lucas' gang already and Eliott didn’t even try to find out their names.

“Well, they certainly think that you’re weird.” Lucas smiled.

“And what about you? Do you think I’m weird?” Eliott had no idea where it came from.

“Maybe. But I don’t know you too,” Lucas said thoughtfully. “But if it’s the case, then it’s not a problem… I like weird people.” Now it wasn’t a simple conversation, once again the boy was flirting with him. Absolutely unconscionable. And Eliott couldn’t deny that he was enjoying it more than he should have. “My question now. «Polaris». That’s a really cool thing. Genius I’d say.  As soon I saw it, I’ve probably become your number one fan, but I need to know the story behind it. So tell me what’s the story?”

Hearing how Lucas was calling the project of Eliott’s heart something genius made him feel butterflies in his stomach. Of course, it wasn’t the first time when Eliott heard some good stuff about his work, as his friends were really supportive of it, but Lucas’ words had a totally different effect on him. Somehow, it meant more than everything he’s ever heard, and he could tell that it was wrong, but Elliott couldn’t stop his heart from feeling what it was feeling.

“Well, it’s a story about a lost boy, who’s afraid of light and who’s hiding from everything in his life, until he meets…”

“A creature who’s afraid of darkness. And to be together they need to come overcome their fears. I know that.” Once again, Lucas finished his words and it felt natural. “I want to know the story behind it. What did make you create it? What was your inspiration?”

Many people asked him this question. A lot of people wanted to know the story. A lot of people wanted to look like they cared. But Lucas was the first one who looked like he really meant it. Even Eliott’s friends couldn’t make him believe in their sincere interest. They were just good friends to him. But one look from Lucas was enough to know that it all was genuine. However, «Polaris» was still something too personal. He knew that the minute he’d tell the boy what was oh his heart, there would be something between them that he couldn’t erase. That would be here forever, and he couldn’t have had this moment forever.

“I don’t know you,” he said like that was an answer, and the sadness in the boy’s eyes made his heart ache. They were literally strangers, but the things Eliott felt… that wasn’t like he’s just met the boy a few days ago. That was something surreal. And he was scared of it.

“That’s alright. I understand. ” The boy tried to act normal, but he couldn’t hide upset in his voice. And Eliott couldn’t stop feeling guilty. “I still think it deserves more recognition. I think your works deserve more recognition. You’re really talented. Would be a shame if it would go to waste.” Lucas made a sip, but Eliott forgot about his own bottle in his hand. Lucas was the only thing that got his attention.

“Thanks,” he answered simply, having no desire to drag with this topic. “And what about you? Do you have any talents?” Eliott leaned his head to the left and Lucas took a few moments to think. Now he reminded of the child who tried to find something in his head, which won’t disappoint, but surprise. And he succeeded.

“I used to play the piano once!” He admitted, having smiled. He was satisfied with himself. And Eliott was surprised, Lucas didn’t look like the piano guy. “My mother played a lot when I was a child, so she taught me a couple of melodies.” Eliott got the impression that the boy wasn’t with him at this moment. He probably has remembered that time. And by his wide smile that was obviously some happy times.

“Now I really need to hear you’re playing,” Eliott admitted and Lucas blushed. At this point, Eliott was sure that it was alcohol acting and no him. And he didn’t really drink that much.

“Well, I play only for really close people and you…” Lucas leaned his head on the sofa. Eliott was feeling how his eyes were traveling around his body. And that realization made Eliott’s blood boil.

“Let me guess.” He smiled sneakily. “You don’t know me?” Eliott raised his eyebrows. Lucas burst into laughter and in the second Eliott joined him. He didn’t feel so comfortable in somebody’s company for ages.

“Shame, you don’t give me a chance,” Lucas said when he managed to calm down. He said it without any anger or bitterness, that was just a sad fact.

“I wish I could,” Eliott said more than enough, and Lucas nodded his head as if he understood. Eliott wished he didn’t. Part of him wanted for Lucas to start asking questions and for Eliott to blab everything and then somehow the problem would have sold itself, but it didn’t happen. Lucas was a clever boy and he clearly knew when to stop. Eliott hated it because it made him admire the boy even more.

“I think it’s time for me to go.”

Lucas stood up and once again started looking for something on the sofa. It turned out to be his phone. He silently put his bottle on the table and when to the door. By the time he was ready to leave, Eliott’s already joined him. But he still had one last question.

“Lucas,” he called for a boy and Lucas turned to him. He looked tired. “Why did you really stay here after Emile fell asleep?” They both knew that this question was still in the air, and Eliott would never forgive himself if he hadn’t tried.

“I’d answer this question, but…” Lucas smiled at Eliott, but that was a sad smiled. “I think you already know what my response would be.” With that, he left the flat, having left Eliott alone. And Eliott smirked when his word finally got to him.

Maybe it was the alcohol and maybe it was Eliott’s confused emotions, but that night he sat to draw again. That was something simple but at the same time one of the hardest things to explain he’s ever done. That was a boy with no eyes, no lips, no nose, just an accurate shape of the face, ears and messy hair with the big question mark in the middle. He took a picture of it and posted it straight away. Before he went to bed, he added a caption to it:

_«I want to know you»_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it really so necessary to know the person before hook up with him though?  
> What're your thoughts?  
> Thank you fo reading! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas ignores everyone, including Eliott and that is not what the guy expected... especially after THAT post

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos and comments!  
> Love you with all my heart!

First thing in the morning Eliott reached for his phone. He had tones of notifications after his last post and a couple of messages. Some of them were from Idriss and Sofiane.

[Idriss]

what is this post, man?  
I thought you and that chick from the party is the thing now  
explain pls

[Sofiane]

I just hope it is not what I think it is

Sofiane’s message could have concerned him, but at that moment Eliott couldn’t care less about it. He was disappointed by the fact he didn’t get the reaction he wanted. Lucas didn’t respond. Of course, he wasn’t really thinking straight when he decided that this move with a drawing would be a great idea. But after the strange evening, they had he just couldn’t let the situation to end with him closing the door. He had to do something more and he did. And surprisingly, he had no regrets in the morning, just the frustration of not getting a desired result. However, he wasn’t even sure what he hoped the boy’s reaction would have been like. In fact, he couldn’t even tell if Lucas saw his post at all. The boy wasn’t following him, and if he wasn’t a stalker, there were all the chances for him to miss it.

“You’re an idiot, Eliott, ” he murmured, having thrown his phone aside. Yeah, Lucas showed some interest before, but Eliott had probably scared him off already. And probably that was for the better. Still, it didn’t change the fact that he was disappointed.

“Please, kill me!” Emile entered Eliott’s room, moaning and holding on to his head. He fell on the bed next to Eliott, looking miserable.

“How much did you drink?” Eliott asked with a smirk. Unconsciously he noted that yesterday Lucas looked like he didn’t drink at all while Emile was looking like death now. And that was his normal reaction when he drunk above normal.

“I don’t remember,” his friend groaned. Eliott couldn’t hold his laugh. “You know, it’s not funny! I don’t even remember falling asleep! How did I end up in my bed?”

“Lucas helped you to get there,” Eliott explained and Emile looked at him worried.

“Oh God, I just hope I haven’t done anything stupid. Otherwise, I would never forgive myself!” Emile said dramatically and Eliott couldn’t but rolled his eyes.

“He seemed fine when he left. So I wouldn’t be too worried about it if I was you.” Eliott hoped that Emile won’t ask him any more questions about it.

“Well, I wouldn’t be so sure about it. He doesn’t answer my calls and messages.” Emile was upset. But that got Eliott intrigued.

“Maybe he didn’t check his phone yet?” He suggested and that’s probably been said for his own sake rather than Emile’s. If Lucas didn’t touch his phone yet, there was a possibility that he could still see Eliott’s post later.

“Well, maybe.” Emile agreed while the hope appeared in Eliott’s soul again. “But he acted really weird yesterday. He was alright at first, we all were drinking, chatting and laughing and then he got some text and something’s changed…” Emile paused for a second. Eliott waited as he really wanted to know what his friend meant. “He stopped drinking and that was alright, but still he wasn’t with us anymore. He’s become really distant. Actually, I was surprised when he agreed to stay a little bit longer when his friends left. But once again it was mainly me talking… well as far as I remember.”

“That sounds weird.” Eliott summarized and Emile nodded his head.

Now Eliott had no doubts that the boy didn’t really want to go home last night. And he began to wonder if he should have persuaded him to stay. There was something in all this that was making him worried. And the fact that Lucas didn’t get in touch (at least with Emile) didn’t make anything easier. Some really bad thoughts began to enter Eliott’s mind.

“But at least now I’m pretty sure that he’s a gay!” Emile smiled, and Eliott couldn’t understand how he managed not to get worried as he was. Didn’t he see that Lucas’ strange behavior could mean something serious? How could he think about something else?

“Why is it?” Eliott sounded really disinterested as all his thoughts were consumed with worrying about Lucas’ well-being. He was feeling guilty for letting him go when it was obvious that there was something wrong. He wanted to kick himself for his stupidity.

“Well, I suppose he doesn’t really hide it. We were discussing if someone got boys’ attention in the school, I started it of course, and Lucas said that there was someone nice. And Yann asked “Who is he? Do we know him?” and I guess that was a confirmation. Too bad that he didn’t say who it was because you came and interrupted the moment!”

It took some time for Eliott to realize that Emile was looking at him with the claim.

“Well, sorry.” Eliott didn’t mean it. It was his house and he had every right to come whenever he wanted.

“That’s okay.” Emile didn’t even notice Eliott’s apathy to this topic. “How do you think what are the chances that this mystery boy could have been me?” Once again, Emile was looking at Eliott, but he just shrugged his shoulders. Actually, he was pretty sure that he knew what were the chances, but he doubted that his friend was ready to hear it.

 

The thing is that Eliott couldn’t take his mind of Lucas all Sunday. He didn’t answer any of Emile’s messages and he didn’t pick up his phone. That was clearly upsetting for Emile but he tried to keep it together. He was still feeling bad so he spent half of the day in his bed, and Eliott was happy with it. By the evening Eliott didn’t even expect to get any response of the boy anymore and that was right of him because he didn’t get any. But still, troubled thoughts couldn’t leave him alone. He thought about all worst-case scenarios, which could have happened that night and that was terrifying. But luckily at the dinner, Emile gave him information which let him breathe again.

“I texted Yann today to ask him about Lucas. He said that everything is alright and he just lost his phone. So I really had no reason to panic.” Emile smiled and relief was written all over his face.

“Well, that explains a lot,” Eliott commented, though that wasn't like that. Something didn’t sit right with him in this situation. And that was the reason why he spent half of the night awake. Again.

 

Lucas was the first thing Eliott saw when he and Emile came to school. And Emile clearly wasn’t so attentive to his surroundings as he continued to talk about some Biology test he had to pass. Probably, Eliott should have said something about Lucas being close to them, as Emile mentioned this morning his desire to talk to the boy after their little party, but he didn’t do it. Instead, he began to explore him with his eyes. Lucas didn't see them as he was too busy looking at his phone. Eliott was pretty sure that it was the same phone he’s allegedly lost. But that wasn’t his main concern right now. What really got him worried was that Lucas looked tired. Exhausted even. His swollen face and large shadows under eyes made Eliott think that he hadn’t slept for days. Once again, it returned him to the night the boy left their flat. The night Eliott knew should have ended differently.

“Emile! Eliott! Wait!” Idriss’ voice called them and that attracted Lucas’ attention. The boy looked in their direction and his and Eliott’s eyes met, as he was still watching him. He obviously was caught. Lucas looked at him for several seconds and then he grabbed his bag and rushed to the school as if he was running away from them. From Eliott.

“Wow, mate, you look like death!” Idriss said to Eliott and he was right. A sleepless night didn’t look good on him. “Was it your girl who didn’t let you sleep all night? Or was it that mystery boy?” Idriss winked at him and Eliott rolled his eyes. He would have been happy no to have this conversation right now.

“What is he talking about?” Emile asked Eliott, looking like he’d missed something. And that was really the case. Despite Emile being always on the phone all Sunday, he didn’t see Eliott’s post. At least he didn’t ask anything about it. That wasn’t like Emile at all, but he was too busy waiting for Lucas respond, so that was understandable. And Eliott considered himself lucky because of it before Idriss ruined everything.

“Are you seriously telling me that you didn’t see his post?” Idriss exclaimed, and Emile shook his head. The phone was already in his hands and Elliott's page was open. That meant troubles. Eliott really should have deleted it. Posting it was a big mistake. Especially when it didn’t even reach his goal.

“Wow! Who is this guy? Do we know him?” Emile looked Eliott excited.

“It’s nobody." Eliott continued to go towards the school, trying to avoid his friends’ gazes.

“He said that it’s from some song which inspired him, but that sounds like shit,” Idriss told the story which Eliott tried to sell to him all yesterday.  Obviously, he failed. However, it really sounded too fake. He really could have made up something better.

“Of course, this is shit!” Emile agreed, trying to keep up with Eliott. “You need to tell the truth!” He demanded, but Eliott speeded up and left his friends behind. He wasn’t in the mood for this now. Or ever. “You won’t be able to run away from it forever, Eliott Demaury!” Emile shouted to him, but Eliott knew it already.

 

 

During the lunch Emile kept asking Eliott about his mystery post and that was exhausting. It went to the point that Eliott stopped talking at all, but it didn’t stop Emile. He was pushing and pushing and pushing and that was driving Eliott mad. Sometimes he was too much. And Eliott didn’t know what was it, his shaking body or red with anger eyes, but Sofiane got the vibe in time to distract Emile and save them from the future catastrophe.

“Emile, you better tell us why you aren’t eating with your best friends now?”

Sofiane and Idriss really weren’t impressed when they knew how Emile spent his Saturday evening. And they weren’t offended by the fact that he was with other guys but with him not inviting them.

“Don’t be jealous, Sofiane, I promise next Saturday I’m all yours!” Emile winked to his friend and smiled.

“At least tell me that it wasn’t all for nothing!” Idriss said. And Eliott couldn’t but notice that he was more active in their conversation today. That was a pleasant thing to see.

“Well, now I know that Lucas is gay,” Emile revealed.

“That’s a good thing, right?” Idriss asked with the full mouth.

“Maybe, yeah, but I still have no idea if I have a chance or not.” Emile shrugged his shoulders. “He said that he liked someone from our school, but the chances that it would be me are minimal. I prefer to be realistic.” Emile didn’t exactly sound sad, but there were some notes of desperation in his voice.

“So he didn’t say who it was?” Sofiane asked and Eliott was sure that he was looking at him.

“No, Eliott came in at this moment and we forgot about it after. And then I got so drunk that I don’t even remember how Lucas led me to bed! What a shame!” Emile closed his face with hands, he was blushing.

“I guess he didn’t join you then?” Idriss joked and that was the unpleasant thing for Eliott to imagine. He squeezed the fork in his hand tight.

“You’re so funny!” Emile said sarcastically and Idriss laughed. “No, thank God, Eliott woke up and shut the door behind him. Otherwise, we would have looked like the worst hosts ever!”

Eliott was begging inside for Emile not to drag his name in it, but he wasn’t that lucky. And he knew that he had a problem in Sofiane’s face once again. He had probably already put two and two together and figured all out. Eliott had no doubts about it, especially when he caught Sofiane’s eyes on him again. That was one hell situation.

“Did you talk to him since?” Idriss continued with the conversation, looking really invested in his mate’s life. That was obvious that Emile really liked his attention.

“I tried to, but it turned that he’d lost his phone, so he had no chance to answer. And I saw the boys today, but not him, so I’m still waiting for my opportunity.”

The strange thing was that Eliott didn’t see Lucas too. He saw his friends who were usual freaky themselves but not the blue-eyed boy. And if Eliott hadn’t seen him in the morning he would have thought that the boy wasn’t at school at all. That got him worried all over again.

 

The rest of the lunch went fine. Sofiane was telling them about the dance festival he visited on Saturday and Idriss was complaining about his parents, about how they were unfair to him, wishing for him to study better and always comparing him to Imane. That was an eternal drama of their family. And all this time Emile was constantly looking around in the attempts to find Lucas’ gang, but they weren’t anywhere seen. Eliott noticed it too.

That was when they were leaving the canteen when they finally met the guys, Lucas included. They were out of the door when they heard loud screams and suddenly someone’s body bumped into Eliott. And that wasn’t just somebody, that was Lucas. Lucas who was pushed backward by the blond boy with glasses and who was ready to rush back to him with his fists. And as soon as Eliott’s got what was about to happen, he grabbed him by his elbows from behind and pulled him closer to himself, and that prevented Lucas’s fist from meeting with the blond guy’s face.

“What the fuck? Let me…” Lucas began, but Eliott didn’t give him a chance to end.

“Calm down!” He said firmly and the boy definitely recognized his voice. Lucas obeyed and stopped kicking. The blond guy visibly calmed down too.

“What the hell is happening here?” Another friend of Lucas (that was Yann, as far as Eliott remembered) ran to them, looking worried and confused.

“You better ask your fucking best friend!” The blond guy shouted. “We all have problems at home, but it doesn’t mean you need to be a prick all day!” Now he was looking at Lucas, and the boy began to move angrily again, but Eliott didn’t give him an opportunity to do anything, having pulled him even closer.

“Don’t.” He whispered to his ear, and once again Lucas obeyed. He was a good boy.

“Bas, take Arthur away,” Yann’s said to another guy of their gang who just came, looking baffled. He just nodded his head, grabbed the blond guy by the hand and did what he’s been told.

“I think you can let him go now, Eliott,” Sofiane said when the boys were out of Lucas’ reach. And Eliott let go of the boy, trying not to think about how pleasant it was to be so close to him. Even despite the circumstances. He would sell his soul just to feel and enjoy it a couple of seconds more.

“Are you alright?” Emile jumped out in front of Lucas and Eliott had to make one step backward.

“Yeah, why I wouldn’t be?” He answered, looking a little bit shattered. “Sorry that you witnessed that,” Lucas said, looking at no one in particular. As if he was embarrassed by what’s happened.

“But thank you for stopping it,” Yann said looking at Eliott. “Boys, yeah? Everything will be alright between them in the morning.” The guy was smiling, but that wasn’t sincere. It was impossible not to notice the worry in his eyes.

“Yeah, of course,” Eliott smiled at him. He was sure that his smile has never been so fake.

“Ok, Lucas, come or we will be late.”

Lucas took his stuff, which was spread over the floor, and left together with his mate. And Eliott couldn’t stop thinking about one thing: the boy didn’t look at him even once.

 

The accident after lunch couldn’t leave Eliott's mind all day. He kept turning in his head over and over again what he's managed to see and that had no sense. Lucas and this boy, Arthur, looked quite friendly before. Their whole gang seemed like a company of really good buddies, that’s why it was so surprising to witness such a scene. And Emile couldn’t stop talking about it too, trying to contact Lucas again but getting nothing back. He didn’t even try to hide his upset over it anymore, as half of the evening he was walking around the flat complaining about everything. And Eliott was hiding in his room from him when he decided to do something that he knew would be a mistake. But after today he had to do something to reach the boy, he was too worried. So he opened Lucas page and after a few seconds of looking at it he pushed “follow”.

When he realized what he’s done, he threw away his phone on the bed, having no will to look at the boy’s page anymore. He knew that Lucas was out of reach with Emile and hardly Eliott could have been an exception. That was obvious that he was going through some shit time in his life and he probably had no time on stupid Instagram. And now Eliott thought about himself as stupid, as he with his own hands organized himself a real torture. There was no way he could have lived in peace after that until Lucas would have accepted his request. And Eliott began to feel anxiety over the thought that it could never happen. That’s why he jumped when he’s heard vibration, which was a sign of new notification. But he didn’t hurry to check it, as he was sure it was something else. Lucas couldn’t have accepted it so fast. The second vibration followed shortly after that. And once again Eliott made himself believe that if he would look now, he would be only disappointed. But when there was a third vibration, he knew that he was too weak to handle it, so he finally grabbed his phone, having closed his eyes. He counted to three, made a deep breath and opened his eyes again.

**_lucallemant_ ** **accepted your request**

**_lucallemant_ ** **started following you**

**lucallemant**  
I want to know you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... somebody's definitely lost his battle, right?  
> kudos and comments will be appreciated!  
> thank you fo reading!<3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lucas needs help Eliott comes to the rescue... even when he had no intentions to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, your support is absolutely everything! Your response to the last chapter was really overwhelming!   
> I can't thank you enough for it! LOVE YOU ALL!

Eliott wished Lucas’ message managed to change something in their relationships, but it didn’t. They were still in some strange zone, where they were beating around the bush, doing nothing. Well, actually Eliott was the one who was doing nothing.  The reason for it was absurdly stupid: he didn’t know what he should do. He got the message he wanted and then he reached a deadlock. He never thought about his future actions, and it failed him. So that night he left this problem for the morning, having decided against texting the boy back. Though he explored Lucas’ page from top to bottom just to state two facts: these photos really told nothing about him, and he was too beautiful for this world. So basically by the end of the day, Eliott knew nothing new.

In the morning he came to the conclusion that there was no point in answering him now when he was about to go to school anyway. Eliott thought to catch him somewhere and talk, but he still didn’t have any exact plan on his mind. He decided to improvise. And that once again was an absolutely dumb idea.

Eliott wasn’t the only one who was determined to have a conversation with Lucas. Emile was desperate to have a chance for a face-to-face chat with the boy. Lucas still didn’t answer him, and, as Eliott’s got his response, he’s gotten a pretty clear idea that the boy was ignoring Emile on purpose. And Eliott had mixed feelings about it. Part of him, an egoistic part, was glad to hear that he was the only one Lucas answered to (at least in their flat). But another side, which was responsible for his relationships with friends, didn’t like that at all. Eliott didn’t know the reason why Lucas suddenly decided to break off the contact with Emile but his best friend felt awful because of it, and that was making Eliott feel uneasy.

But Emile was a brave guy and when he saw an opportunity to clarify the situation, he took it. Unlike Eliott, who had seen Lucas three times in the morning and couldn’t bring himself to approach him. And now Lucas was sitting in the canteen alone with his lunch (his friends haven't been seen around), so Emile stood up with his tray and went towards the boy’s table. Idriss and Sofiane were watching the scene with interest while Eliott tried to ignore all the bad thoughts which were coming on his mind. And there were a lot of them.

“How do you think does he have a chance? It doesn’t look like the guy is interested,” Idriss said, eating his fries. Emile has been already near Lucas’ table. The boy lifted his head, smiled at him politely, said something and Emile finally sat down.

“Yeah, it looks like Emile is the only one who has a crush, but we know him. If he wants something, he can easily get it. He knows some ways,” Sofiane answered, and Eliott didn’t like the sound of it. As if Lucas’ opinion didn’t matter at all. “And what do you think?” Sofiane asked Eliott and that was a clever move, as he obviously still had his suspicions about Eliott’s connection with Lucas.

“My main priority is for him not to suffer at the end,” Eliott was staring back at Sofiane, trying to prove his point. Though the truth was that he’s already fucked it up. “I don’t want Dominic situation to repeat.”

“Oh mate, I don’t think that someone would be able to surpass this asshole. Especially not this cinnamon roll,” Idriss tried to joke, but his attempt failed. This was impossible to find the situation of the past funny.

“Dominic looked like a nice bloke too,” Sofiane noted fairly. “We all know that it doesn’t mean anything nowadays.”

“Well, at least it looks like Lucas is gay, so one less thing to worry about, right?” Idriss concluded and Sofiane and Eliott said nothing, not wishing to continue with this topic.

«The times of Dominic» were dark times. The first serious relationship of Emile became a real nightmare for all of them. The hell the group of friends went through, trying to save Emile from that mess, was something neither of them wanted to remember. Especially Emile. He was really traumatized by everything that’s happened, and nobody knew if he was really ready for a real relationship now. And if a crush for a week didn’t bother anyone, Lucas was a different story. Everyone saw that Emile was looking at him the way he looked at Dominic once and that couldn’t but bother his friends. And Eliott couldn’t ignore the fact that he was making the situation only worse, but he couldn’t be blamed for having his own crush. That wasn’t something he could control.

Emile came back to them in five minutes with a smile on his face. That meant that everything went well, and he was happy with the result of his and Lucas’ conversation.

“Well?” Idriss was looking at Emile with anticipation. “Did he explain his behavior? Did he say why he ignored you?”

“Yeah,” Emile answered calmly. “And now I think I like him anymore.” He sounded like a mystery, and Elliot rolled his eyes at his friend's unnecessary dramatics. He just wanted to hear what happened.

“Spill!” Elliot wasn’t the only one who wasn’t in the mood for Emile’s games. Idriss wanted answers too. Sofiane was the only one who was distracted by something, which was happening behind Eliott’s back. And Eliott decided that it wasn’t worthy of his attention.

“He was honest with me,” Emile began. “He said that he had some problems at home and troubles with his study, so he just didn’t want to chat with anyone, including me. He said that he was sorry, but that’s the way his brain works sometimes and I shouldn’t take it personally.”

“That sounds like he’s a human,” Idriss commented and Emile nodded his head in agreement.

“And did he say what family problems he has?” Eliott asked because that was the only thing that mattered to him now. He suspected that something was happening in the boys’ house, and now he was anxious to know what that was.

“No,” Emile shook his head, but he didn’t look like he was disappointed with this fact. That was what Eliott felt. “We are not so close for him to tell me his family stories, however…” Emile smiled mysteriously. Eliott felt that he wasn’t ready to hear what was coming, but did he even have a choice? “I asked him if he wanted to spend some time with me this week, and he agreed!”

Emile looked like a happy puppy, who’s just got his favorite snack. Idriss and Sofiane began to cheer for him immediately as if some time ago they didn’t discuss that there was a possibility of Lucas not being interested in Emile. Eliott tried to look happy for his friend too, but his eyes were on the Lucas’ table, which was empty now. In a way, Eliott couldn't shake the feeling that he deserved it after waiting for so long.

 

Eliott and Emile stayed until the late at Sofiane’s house with Idriss, playing x-Box and eating pizza. That was a good evening between four friends with discussing some stupid things, school, girls and boys. And Lucas, of course, but that was the part of their conversation in which Eliott was minimally involved. He had no desire to discuss what Emile had to do impress Lucas. Idriss and Emile didn’t even notice his apathy, but Sofiane did. Of course. Though Eliott managed to avoid staying with him alone during the evening, so he was alright, and when the topic’s changed, he came back to them.

Eliott and Emile were on their way home when Eliott felt that his friend began to glaze funnily at him. At first, he thought that he started imagining things but the more glances he caught, the more he was certain that Emile had something on his mind. And usually he wouldn’t have given this a second thought as the weird behavior was a part of Emile’ nature but this time there was something else in his attitude. He was acting shifty, messing with the bracelet on his hand and licking his lips every five seconds as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t brace himself to do that.

“What’s wrong?” Eliott was the first who started a conversation, having decided to save Emile from his misery. He looked at him, surprised, clearly not expecting that Eliott would notice his odd behavior. Eliott's nearly laughed at that.

“Nothing,” his friend shrugged his shoulders in the most unconvincing way. Eliott raised his eyebrows at him. The thought that Emile believed that Eliott would buy this bullshit was hilarious. “Ok. You got me!” Emile cried out and put his hands up in the defeat. Eliott couldn’t but chuckled at that.

“Then you better tell me what’s bothering you!” He said and Emile exhaled a nervous breath.

“You won’t like it.” He warned Eliott.

“Well, try me.” There was no chance that Eliott would have let it go. He sort of felt that there was something important for Emile that he wanted to say. That was in his brown eyes. Something was clearly bothering him, and Eliott wouldn’t have been his best friend if he hadn’t asked what it was. Though he still had some fears that it was connected to someone who he didn’t want to think about at that moment.

“Right… tell me are we alright?” Finally, Emile asked his question, and that made Eliott stop, surprised. That was something he certainly didn’t see coming.

“What do you mean?” He decided to clarify, as he doubted that he’s heard his friend’s question right. Emile was shifting from one foot to another, looking at everything else but Eliott.

“I just can’t stop but feeling that you’re distancing yourself from me these days,” he admitted, having said that so quietly that Eliott’s hardly managed to catch his words. “I know that I was out of reach myself because of Lucas but still… even when we’re together, it’s not like you're with me and the guys. And Idriss noticed that too.” The thought that his friends were discussing him behind his back made Eliott frown and feel uncomfortable in his stomach. And even if Emile’s notice the changes in Eliott’s face, it didn’t make him stop as he continued, “And I know that sometimes you’re like that, that’s alright, but when we are alone in the flat it doesn't change. And it was never like that before. We used to talk for hours and hours, sharing with everything and now it’s disappeared. And I don’t get why, that’s all.” Emile sounded upset and Eliott’s got where this all came from. He would have lied if he had said that he hadn’t noticed these changes too. Of course, something was different now and the reason was simple – they both laid an eye on the same guy. And of course, it was the thing Eliott couldn’t have told this to his friend.

“I just had a couple of difficult days, that’s all. It’s nothing to do with you, I promise,” he lied, trying to sound as convincing as it was only possible.

“Are you sure? Because if I’ve done something wrong then you better tell me!” Emile murmured, and Eliott felt guilty because he really did everything he could to avoid his friend’s company recently. The thing was that ELiott hoped that Emile wouldn’t notice it as he was occupied with thoughts of Lucas. Well, that was a naïve thing to believe in.

“It’s not you, believe me!” Yeah, it wasn’t him. It was Lucas. Lucas was doing it with them. And the worst thing was the Eliott had no idea how to stop it. He didn’t have it in him to stop it.

“Ok.” It seemed like Eliott’s words did its magic on Emile. He looked more relaxed now. But he clearly hasn’t finished yet. “One last question.” He promised and Eliott could only guess what it would be. “Your meeting with parents. I know you don’t like being pushed but you didn't say a word about it and that makes me worry. Was it really alright?”

That was easy not to tell about Eliott’s meeting with his parents when nobody asked him about it. Emile had other things on his mind and Eliott didn’t really want to bother him with his worries. And that was even easier like that. The less he was talking about that, the less he was thinking about his parents’ news. And it suited him fine, so he had to lie once again.

“Don’t worry, everything is fine.” Eliott gave him one of his smiles, which was absolutely fake, and the topic was closed. They continued their way to home, discussing that they really should organize a boy party with only two of them, beer and pizza. That’s been a while.

He and Emile were living in a nice and quiet area, so it was usually calm at nights and there were rarely some suspicious faces in the street. That’s why Eliott tensed when he saw some dark silhouette was hiding from them behind the house.

“You go and I need to drop by the pharmacy for a second,” Eliott said and Emile looked at him surprised.

“Can’t it wait till tomorrow?” He asked.

“No, it can’t.” Eliott's voice sounded severe, and Emile just shrugged his shoulders and went to the door while Eliott went further.

Maybe, it wasn’t the best idea to follow some stranger just because his heart was telling him to do that, but that was too late to think about it now. Eliott could only hope that he wouldn’t be beaten up, especially when there was nothing to steal from him apart from his keys, and they could be to any flat. If the person didn’t know and wait for him specifically, of course… he’s really been watching too many crime dramas recently. Eliott went around the corner carefully and saw a small figure sitting next to the wall. The person was sitting, having pulled his knees to his torso and laid his head on them with a hood on it. And as the face was hidden from the view Eliott couldn’t tell if he knew the man or not.

“Sorry, are you alright?” He asked, being cautious. It still could have been some trick to catch him off the guard. But as soon as the boy lifted his head, Eliott felt stupid for thinking that. “Lucas?” He asked astonished, looking at the swollen from crying face of the boy. He was still crying. “What’s happening? What are you doing here?” Eliott started to panic as visibly the boy wasn’t alright at all. He sat across from him and grabbed his face, making Lucas look straight at him. “What’s happened?”

“I had nowhere else to go,” the boy whispered. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” Lucas was trying to stop sobbing but the emotions were taking over him. Eliott was hurting just from seeing this.

“That’s alright. You can come…” Suddenly Eliott noticed Lucas' knuckles on his right hand with scratches and blood on them. “Lucas, how did you get that? Did you have a fight with someone?” Eliott remembered the scene with Arthur boy from the other day, and that scared him.

“Yeah,” Lucas murmured. “With the wall. I won,” Lucas tried to joke and that calmed Eliott down a little.

“You need to show it to the doctor,” he declared, being worried that something could have been broken or some infection could have gotten in the wound. That looked too dangerous.

“No, I won’t go to the hospital. And don’t even argue with that. I won’t go!” Lucas decided to show his stubborn side, and Eliott felt that there was no point on insisting on it.

“At least let’s go in the flat and clear the wound,” he suggested.

“Ok,” Lucas agreed. “Just give me a couple of minutes.”

Lucas was almost calm now, the moment of his hysteria came to the end, and Eliott could breathe again. He decided not to push pressure on the boy and give him some space. He sat down next to him, leaning his head on the wall of the building and not caring about the dirty ground. Lucas was more important now. Lucas’s changed his position too, having sat the same way as Eliott. They were both staring forward with their heads being a couple of inches apart.

“My mother is ill,” Lucas said when he finally stopped shaking. Eliott nodded his head, having shown that he was listening to him. “It's not some virus or something like that, she’s mentally ill.” These words made Eliott’s body tense. Whatever the boy was going to say next, he was afraid to hear the worst. “At first it was alright, I and my father were coping pretty well, but with time her state was getting worse and worse. She was screaming a lot, cursing, trying to run away from us and there were times when she could hit me or dad, and that became too much for us.” Lucas was frowning, and Eliott felt like his heart froze and he stopped breathing. He couldn’t believe that it was happening to him. “We had to put her in a special clinic. That was safer for her and for us, and I really thought that everything would be alright soon, but…” Lucas fell silent, trying to find the words.

“You still had troubles with her mental state being like this?” Eliott knew that he was risking, but he needed to know the answer just to breathe again. To have hope. Or to lose it forever.

“What? No! No way!” Lucas exclaimed. The boy looked very offended by the idea.

“Sorry,” Eliott said quietly while he was ready to burst into tears because the weight was lifted off his shoulders. At least part of it.

“Nah, that’s alright. And there is a real problem with the acceptance of my mother’s state. But that’s not my problem but my father’s. When we put her in that clinic I always felt like he began to write her off. Do you know what I mean?” Lucas looked at Eliott, who nodded his head. Of course, he knew. “He began to act like she wasn’t part of our family anymore and I knew that didn’t mean anything good. On Saturday morning I came to visit her as usual, but they didn’t let me in. My father prohibited the clinic’s staff to let me see my mum.” Lucas began sobbing again, and Eliott couldn’t believe his ears.

“What? Is it even legal?!” He shouted out.

“Well, it’s a private clinic and the person who pays money is the boss, and in our family, it’s not me,” Lucas smirked and his voice was filled with desperation. “The shittiest thing was that he was out of the town and I really thought that it was some kind of mistake. I left him a thousand voice messages, living all that day in hope, just to get a text: “Sorry, son, but it’s for the best”. Can you believe it? He couldn’t even call me!”

Eliott remembered Emile’s words about Lucas’ getting some message and his mood being switched off immediately. Now that made sense. And not only that.

“That’s why you didn’t want to leave that night?” He asked, and Lucas let out that breath, having closed his eyes.

“I was afraid to come home and see that he’s returned. I was afraid of what I could have done with him. But he came back only in the morning, and we haven’t stopped arguing since.” Lucas explained, and finally, Eliott began to see the whole picture. The way Lucas’s been acting lately seemed logical now. In such a situation it would be impossible to act any other way.

“And I’ve been worried that you didn’t respond to my post,” Eliott sighed, and somehow that made Lucas smile.

“I saw it the minute you posted it. And I wanted to answer it, to write you something, but I was afraid that it would become too much for me. I think I needed some time.” Eliott was fascinated with the way how innocent the boy looked at the moment. “I spent a few days screaming at my father and ignoring all the life outside. Yann was the only one I contacted, just for him to say to others that I was still alive. He told everybody that I’ve lost my phone, and I seriously didn’t ask him to do that, especially when I still have the same phone,” Lucas laughed and Eliott couldn’t hide his smile either. “Anyway, I ignored everyone and everything, I was really rude to my friends and teachers, planned the murder of my father but when I've gotten your request yesterday…” Lucas turned his head to Eliott, smiling. “How could I resist?”

The emotions, which Eliott was experiencing at that moment, he wouldn’t have been able to describe even if he had tried. The boy’s face was too close to him now. They were literally breathing the same air. Moreover, he could feel Lucas’ breath on his face, and that was the most pleasant feeling in the world. Eliott could feel a chill running down his spine. His heart was beating faster and faster with every breath they were taking, and he knew that one move would be enough to cut the distance between them and for his lips to meet Lucas’s lips but… he knew that it wasn't the right time for it. Not when the boy was in such a state. He was clearly unstable, and Eliott couldn’t risk with what they had and to ruin it.

“It’s time for us to get your wound cleaned,” he said and stood up. That probably was the hardest thing he’s ever done. He didn’t even dare to look at the boy. He wasn’t ready to disappointment on his face. “And you’re staying at ours tonight and that is not up for the debate!” Eliott commanded and went towards the entrance of the house. He didn’t need to look back to make sure that Lucas was following him. He's already known that.

 

Emile was already sleeping when they came in. They were trying to act extremely quiet not to wake him up. Eliott led Lucas to the bathroom, cleaned his knuckles and found some bandage to wrap it up. Eliott wasn’t a doctor but that was the best he could do, though he was still sure that Lucas needed to see a medic. When they finished in the bathroom, they came back to the living room where Eliott helped Lucas to prepare the sofa for his sleep. He brought one of his two pillows and an extra blanket, which they had in the wardrobe, and also his T-shirt and sweatpants for the boy to wear.

“Thank you,” Lucas said when they finished. “For everything.”

“That’s alright. I love to be helpful,” Eliott smiled, and Lucas sat on the sofa. Eliott was standing, leaning on the wall just watching him. Lucas looked nervous, and Eliott was feeling strange too seeing him here too. But he liked that. He definitely could get used to seeing him here more often. And he also couldn’t just leave him because he really needed to say something to him. To share something with him too. “My parents told me that they’re planning to move away,” he finally pronounced.

Lucas looked at him surprised, clearly not expecting to hear something of that kind.

“Is it a good or bad thing?” He asked, looking concerned.

“I don’t know,” Eliott answered honestly. “But I think “yes”. It will be good for them and me.”

“Why? Do you have a bad relationship?” That was still amusing how caring Lucas looked. How Eliott believed it without any doubts. He never had it with anyone.

“No, not at all. They were a great support, but…” Eliott took a pause, hoping that Lucas won’t decide that he was a real asshole after what he was about to say. “I don’t think that they were real parents for me. Guardians? Maybe. But not parents. Does it sound too awful?” He looked at Lucas expecting to see contempt on his face, but he didn’t. What he saw was that Lucas really tried to understand him.

“No. Not necessarily.” Lucas shook his head. “I think a lot of depends on the experience. What was yours like?”

“I don’t know,” Eliott answered unsurely. “I always felt like they protected me too much. I get that it’s what parents do. But while trying to protect me from this world they’ve forgotten that I needed not only protection but love. Sometimes I felt like I was their captive or pet they needed to care of, but not their son. I never felt a real warmth if you know what I mean.” Lucas was the first person after Emile who Eliott decided to tell this. And he knew him only a couple of days. That was insane.

“Did you talk with them about it?” That was clear that Lucas wanted to help. As if it was that simple.

“Of course,” Eliott smiled. “But that would be the story for another day.” He’s already told more than enough and that was some controversial stuff. He was lucky that the boy didn’t run away from him straight away, and he wasn’t ready to risk it further. Not yet. They both needed to rest. “Goodnight, Lucas,” he whispered.

“Goodnight,” the boy whispered back and once again shiver ran down Eliott's body.

He looked at him one last time and left to his room, having no doubt that he would have a good sleep that tonight. And Lucas too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonding over troubles with parents while Emile was sleeping through it all? Why not?   
> Can you imagine the morning after now? lol  
> As usual kudos and any comments will be appreciated!  
> thank you fo reading!<3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliott and Lucas have a date... well, kind of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the first chapter, which I had to change three times so I really hope you won't be disappointed with the final result! Enjoy!

“How could you bring Lucas to our flat and not even wake me up?!”

That was a nice _«Good morning»_ from Emile when Eliott walked out of his room.

“So you already saw him,” Eliott stated the obvious and went to the kitchen.

“Yes, he’s in the shower right now.” Emile followed him. “In OUR shower. He asked me if he could take it after sleeping on OUR sofa! How could you not tell me about this?!”

Was Emile angry? Oh yeah! Did he have a reason for it? Well, maybe. Did Eliott regret not waking him up? Not at all.

“Why? For you to come and watch him sleeping like some creep? The boy needed some rest, I gave him that. End of the story,” Eliott tried to defend himself. Though he doubted that Emile could have really understood that. He was too consumed with his crush on the boy to see the one obvious fact: Lucas had no time for this shit. Eliott really thought that Emile would give Lucas some space as now he knew that he had family problems. But that clearly wasn’t the case. And now, when Eliott knew Lucas’ situation, he couldn’t but was irritated by his friend’s behavior.

“Good morning,” Lucas appeared in the kitchen with a shy smile and wet hair. He was looking at Eliott.

“Morning,” Eliott smiled back at him. That was impossible not to do.

“Thank you for letting me take the shower. And for the towel.” Lucas turned to Emile, who was looking at him adoringly.

“You’re always welcome. And you’re just in time! The breakfast is ready!” Emile rushed to the stove, and there was a pan with fried eggs on it.

“That wasn’t necessary. I don’t…” The boy began murmuring shyly, but Emile didn’t let him finish.

“Don’t be stupid. Sit down!” Emile put the pan on the table and pushed Lucas to the chair, the boy fell on it awkwardly. That situation could have made Eliott smile if only Emile’s wasn’t so pushy towards their guest. He had no boundaries. Lucas clearly felt uncomfortable. And that wasn’t Eliott’s goal when he brought him here yesterday. He wanted him to relax a little but Emile was ruining it.

“So did you sleep well?” Eliott decided to distract the boy from Emile’s chaotic behavior.

“Yeah, thanks.” Lucas smiled at him once again. But Eliott could feel that he was controlling his every move, that was strange. “Actually, I had some crazy dream last night,” the boy admitted, turning fork in his hand and looking at the eggs. He still wasn’t eating.

“Yeah? What is it?” Emile asked. He looked like he finally met his favorite celebrity and couldn’t let his eyes off him. That looked quite embarrassing.

“Some weird stuff. A large army of hedgehogs took control of Paris, and we all became their slaves.” Lucas sounded absolutely serenely. But if Eliott had been eating or drinking, he would have definitely choked on it. And the boy knew what he was doing.

“An army of hedgehogs? That’s really some weird shit,” Emile agreed, having had absolutely no idea what that was about.

The fact was that yesterday Elliott just couldn’t fell asleep so easily. He wanted to draw. And he wanted to draw Lucas. He was too weak and after half an hour lying in his bed, he gave in to the temptation and went to the living room. That was only for a couple of seconds but that was enough for him to see that Lucas has been already sleeping. His mouth was a little bit open, the left hand was hanging from the sofa and his hair was sticking out in different directions. He reminded Eliott a little innocent hedgehog. Eliott remembered this image, and he drew a little hedgehog, sleeping on the couch but that wasn’t just that. He also drew a dream of this hedgehog, where his little army was walking to Paris. And there was an easy explanation of that: Eliott was sure that Paris needed more such amazing hedgehogs. Paris needed more people like Lucas. Though he knew that the boy was just too unique for this to happen. And he sent this picture to Lucas straight away. It was his first message to him. And now he knew that it was successfully received.

“Well, I like hedgehogs,” Eliott finally commented, smiling satisfied. “I think they are really cool.” He saw that Lucas was smiling too. That was enough for a very good morning.

 

“Mate, why didn’t you wake Emile up? That would be a great chance for him!” Idriss was smoking his cigarette, watching at Eliott as if he’s killed someone.

Of course, Emile told Idriss and Sofiane what happened as soon as he saw them. Of course, they took his side. Of course, they began asking questions. And of course, none of them could understand his actions. And actually, Eliott didn’t even try to explain himself anymore. He was too tired of his friends' stupidity to fight with it.

“How did you meet him anyway?” Sofiane asked. And at this point, Eliott didn’t even care about his suspicious glances. He could think what he wanted to think.

“They met on the street when Eliott was leaving the chemist,” Emile gave the answer instead of Eliott, and he didn’t really mind. “Lucas had some problems at home and some accident with his hand, so Eliott suggested him crash at ours.”

“That was very nice of you.” Sofiane kept looking at Eliott, and Eliott couldn’t stop looking at the cigarette in Idriss’ hand. He wouldn’t have minded making a few drags himself. “What a happy coincidence that you were there, yeah?” Sofiane was pushy.

“I guess so, yeah,” Eliott murmured.

“Did he say what’s happened? That must be really bad if you can’t stay at nights at your own house,” Idriss said.

“He told me that he had a fight with his father. That’s all.” Emile shrugged his shoulders and looked at Eliott as if he was expecting him to add something. But he didn’t. That wasn’t their business to meddle in. And Emile’s got his mood and finally changed the topic. Well, kind of. “Anyway, you know that my birthday is soon, and I was planning a quiet night with you as usual, but I kind of want to invite Lucas, Bazile, Arthur, and Yann too. What do you think?” He smiled as if their opinions mattered.

“Well, it’s your day so you can do what you want. If you want your present to be Lucas then let it be so!” Idriss let out a laugh, and Emile pushed his shoulder playfully.

“Yeah, they seem like cool dudes, so why not?” Sofiane agreed.

“Eliott?” Emile asked when he didn’t give his answer.

“Yeah, sounds cool,” Eliott was urged to say, though he couldn’t care more. He didn’t even know these guys. But he knew Lucas. That was enough.

“Eliott, I wanted to ask for your help actually,” Sofiane said suddenly, and Eliott knew straight away that he was plotting something. “I have some troubles with Literature, can you help me after school?”

Of course, that sounded innocent and there was nothing unordinary here as Eliott helped him before. But right now Eliott knew better. Sofiane was a zone of danger, which he had no desire to enter.

“No,” he blurted out, and by the faces of the boys, it was clear that they were surprised. “I already have some other plans.”

With that, he pulled out his phone and left them just to avoid all the unnecessary questions. He had some better things to do. And that certainly wasn’t paying attention to their confused glances at him.

**_srodluv_**  
in the mood to skip a couple of classes  
what do you think?  
  
**lucallemat**  
that’s will be a date

**_srodluv_**  
deal

 

They were sitting on the bench in a local park near a small lake. It wasn’t even midday, so there were almost no people here except for a couple of sportsmen and women with children. The weather was nice, but still a little bit windy. The atmospheric air was clearly hinting at the rain coming its a way. Again. But that wasn’t a trouble at all as long as Lucas was sitting next to Eliott. Lucas who was looking much fresher and healthier now. A good sleep clearly did its wonders on him, and Eliott was happy that he's helped him with that. That he helped him to get better. That he helped his blue eyes be bright again. Even if it was just for a while.

“Why did you choose this place?” Eliott asked after they shared a couple of minutes of silence. Yeah, Eliott gave him a free choice and was surprised to see that his dream destination was a park. A simple, unremarkable park.

“Don’t know.” Lucas shrugged his shoulders. “I just like simple things. I think that the simplest things are the most beautiful. And if you want to hide, then there is no better place to hide than in plain sight.”

There was something in his voice that made Eliott’s skin shiver. There was something depressing in his tone which made Eliott think that the boy was still hiding some secrets. That probably were the secrets which could open Eliott a real Lucas Lallemant but the boy clearly wasn’t in a hurry to open up about them. And Eliott couldn’t judge him as he was the same, but still… he wanted to get everything that was only possible just to be a little be closer to him.

“You sound very sad.” Eliott was sure that it wasn’t the best thing to say at the moment, but he wanted to make it clear that he was here, and he was really listening to him.

“Sometimes life’s sad. I guess it’s something that none of us can change,” Lucas smiled weakly, and Eliott hated to admit that he couldn't agree more. “But there are good moments too. In fact, I believe that in our lives there are much more good moments rather than bad. For example, right now we could sit in the lessons and die with boredom, but instead we’re here, and we’re having a good time… well, I hope so!” That was the moment when sad Lucas’ gone and the old one, which was much more positive, returned. The way Lucas' mood could change at any minute was fascinating and scary at the same time. And Eliott knew that these changes were a clear cry for help and there were too many masks which the boy was wearing, but Elliott couldn't push on him. If Lucas wanted to say something, it should be his choice to do that.

"You sound like my grandfather. He used to tell that all bad things are overweighted by good things at the end." These words really slipped off Eliott’ tongue. That was on his mind, but he never wanted to say the words aloud, but it was too late now. He's already gotten Luca's attention.

"Is it bad or a good thing?" He asked, looking at Eliott as if he was trying to look into his soul. Eliott hated when people did that, but he forgave Lucas immediately. He could forgive him everything really.

"Well, he was a wise man, so I guess it's a "pros" in your characteristic." Eliott smiled, but he knew it wasn't because of happiness. And he felt like Lucas knew it at so as his face changed.

"Did he die?" Lucas asked carefully. And Eliott should have thought before using past tenses in his words.

"No," he shook his head. "But he's kind of dead to me and my parents." Of course, it wasn't such a great idea to say a thing like that in an attempt to avoid further questions. But Lucas didn't ask anything. As if he knew that Eliott shouldn't be pushed into it. And that's why Eliott knew that he owed him an explanation. No, he didn't owe him that, he wanted to give him the explanation. "He didn't accept me the way I am." That was much harder to say than he thought. That was for sure.

"Was that because he knew that you like boys too?" Lucas supposed. And his assumptions were understandable as he didn't know the whole story.

"Yeah," Eliott nodded his head because that actually was a part of the reason too. "When I was a child we were super close. I was his only grandchild, and he's just lost my grandmother, so he gave me all his love. He was the one who showed me the world of drawing actually. He supported my every work, even the weakest one. He always took me with him on camping because he loved nature, and he's taught me how to capture it on my canvas. That didn’t turn up to be my style at the end but still… and he always bought me all the sweets I wanted. I adored him..." Eliott said, and the smile was playing on his face because those memories were still warming him inside. So much time's passed, but he could still remember the smell of the fire and chills from his granddad's night stories. "But then I changed, and he decided that I was doing it only for attention. It was making him angry when I was doing something I wasn't supposed to do, and he stopped understand me. The real me. And the worst thing was that he couldn't accept the fact that my parents were quite alright with my "outrageous behavior" and did nothing to make me stop. At one point, he even said that he'd stop calling me his grandson if I won’t stop with my nonsense, and he did that! And that was a final straw for my parents, who have already been over-protective of me, so they cut him out of our lives completely. My mother cut out her own father out of her life because of me. And I’ve never heard of him since.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Lucas admitted and that made Eliott smile. He loved the way this boy was trying to be honest in relation to everything.

“That’s alright. I think that situation made me realize that this world can be very cruel. And, yeah, I still feel bad because I lost a person who I really loved, but at least now I know what I can expect from people no matter how close they are to me.” Eliott really tried to sound rational. He wanted to think about it as about another life lesson rather than a history of betrayal. It was easier that way.

“So we’re both philosophers now?” Lucas smiled and Eliott laughed.

“Oh, yeah, who are too cool for school,” he noted.

“Well, I’ve been promised a date with a guy on whom I put my eyes on since my first day at school. Suppose, I didn’t have a choice.” Lucas winked at Eliott.

“How do you do that?” Eliott asked and Lucas looked at him confused. “You’re so open with your feelings. You think something and you say it… that’s great. But how do you do it?”

“Well, that’ not really true,” Lucas shook his head. His face became serious and his body visibly tensed. “Yeah, with you that was easy because I felt that connection right away, but you don’t have any idea how many times I wanted to come to you that first day and I chickened out all of these times. I’m a lucky guy that you decided to skip your lessons then and we met. In reality, I was losing my shit over the thought of a simple conversation with you.” A small smile appeared on the boy’s face. But he was still tense. Eliott could feel it.

“Yeah, but you didn’t hesitate to leave me that comment and then flirt with me in the middle of the school. That wasn’t shy at all!” Eliott raised an eyebrow.

“Do you know that I spent half of the night awake, thinking about me making a huge mistake with this comment? That was quite innocent, but the stress of it was killing me. And you didn’t even answer. I thought that I properly embarrassed myself.”

“Yeah, but you still came to me the next day, didn’t you?” Eliott couldn’t let it go.

“Yeah, because I still wanted to know you. I don’t know how it works, but when I’m with you I just feel like I know what to do and it turned out that I did everything right, yeah? I’ve got the result I wanted to!” A devious smile brightened his face.

“Nah, this is all bullshit,” Eliott exclaimed, smiling back. “I think you know perfectly well what you’re doing, you just don’t like acknowledging a sinister side of yours! I think you want to look like a cute and a naïve baby boy with big blue eyes while in a reality you’re a sneaky devil who’s perfectly aware of the influence he has on people.” Eliott had no idea where this all came from, but he was feeling it with his bones that Lucas wasn’t so simple as he wanted to look like.

“So now you’re a psychic too! Great!” Lucas teased and that was obvious that Eliott’s word didn’t make him mad. That was a confirmation that at some point he was right. “But you see, I’m not a devil, I’m a hedgehog. A little cute hedgehog!” Lucas continued with his teasing, and Eliott rolled his eyes. Ok. That was his own fault that Lucas had something against him now. “But I liked what you did. Thank you!”

“Well, I love drawing beautiful things, so how could I resist?” Eliott knew that he sounded like a soppy romantic, but it wasn’t in his plans to hold himself back anymore. And when he saw how wider Lucas’ smile has become he knew that it was worth it.

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by Eliott’s phone. Actually, he was surprised that it took so long for his friends to contact him. This time he was cleverer and he sent Emile a message, telling him not to worry and that he was alright, but he didn’t expect that he would just accept it and leave him alone. And that wasn’t even Emile who was calling him but Sofiane.

Eliott skipped the call, promising himself to call him later.

“You can answer, that’s alright,” Lucas assured when he saw Eliott’s action.

“Nah, he wants some help with Literature but right now I have more important stuff on my mind,” Eliott said, not even trying to hide his flirtatious anymore. And that made Lucas’s cheeks turn to red.

But Sofiane wasn’t going to give up so easily. He called once again.

“Seriously, you have to answer. It can be important!” Lucas clearly didn’t want to be the reason for Eliott ignoring his friends. But Eliott didn’t care. Lucas deserved all his attention.

“If it’s something serious he’d leave a message, don’t worry.” Eliott decline the call

And as if Sofiane was a psychic, the messages began to come to Eliott’s number. And that was the thing Eliott couldn’t ignore.

**[ Sofiane ]**

you disappeared and guess what?

Lucas disappeared too

whatever you’re playing stop it

and call me back

or I’ll tell Emile everything

Eliott felt numb. He was shocked by the threat. And he was scared. The only thing Eliott knew is that Sofiane would never throw his words around. If he said something he always meant it. And if he’s written such thing to Eliott then he clearly had an intention to keep his word. Eliott began to feel cold and his hands began shaking.

“Hey, are you alright?” Lucas asked worried, having witnessed the change in Eliott’s state. That was impossible not to notice it.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Eliott didn’t want to give the boy reason to worry. But his voice betrayed him.

“No, you’re not,” Lucas argued and what Eliott could say against it? He was trembling. Of course, he wasn’t alright. “And I think I know the reason,” Lucas admitted and Eliott looked at him puzzled. The boy had no idea what he was talking about. There was no way he could know, but that was Lucas’ turn to surprise him as he continued, “I know that Emile likes me. And I know that you have troubles because of it».

Lucas’ words were like a bolt from the blue. Eliott froze and he didn’t have any words. He was just, sitting and looking at the boy with only one question on his mind: how was it possible?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can we call it a plot twist? yeah, let's that be it!  
> kudos and comments will be appreciated!  
> thank you fo reading!<3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliott needs a decision to make.

“How did you find out?”

That was an obvious question after the shocking Lucas’ confession. They were still sitting on the bench, looking at the lake, but the atmosphere completely changed. Eliott wasn’t relaxed anymore. His whole body was tense, and he was squeezing his hands so tight that they’ve become red. And he couldn’t even look at Lucas. Lucas who turned to Eliott, who felt that Eliott needed some time to process his words and gave him that. Lucas who was sitting silently, just waiting for Eliott. Lucas whose turn to talk came now.

“I figured it out myself,” he said, and that made Eliott even more confused. “Since our first meeting, I always thought that Emile pays too much attention to me. The way he looked at me and spoke to me differed from what I’ve seen from with his conversation with others. But I decided not to jump to the conclusions. His company didn’t bother me. I mean he’s a nice guy and I loved chatting with him, and Yann, Arthur, and Bazile think that he’s cool too. But today’s morning made me clearly see the fact: he is into me. The way he was fussing around me, not giving me a chance to breathe, was kind of disturbing. And then you woke up and I saw the main difference, which I didn’t notice before - in his company you barely look at me and meantime when we’re alone…”

“I can’t take my eyes off you,” Eliott admitted his defeat. Now he felt ridiculous because he really thought that Lucas didn't notice all these things when in reality he was so much cleverer than that.  “But Emile is a good bloke, don’t think badly of him,” Eliott asked because his best friend didn’t deserve this attitude.

“I didn’t intend to. As I’ve already said he’s a good guy and I’ll be happy to be friends with him but nothing more. I can’t give him what he wants because I have my eyes on someone else.”

Eliott’s heart began to beat faster after the boy’s words. And he really wanted to enjoy that sensation, but he was feeling too bad for it. He felt like he was betraying his best friend. And in reality, it was almost it and he was doing nothing to prevent it from happening.

“Sofiane noticed a couple of things too,” Eliott shared and pointed to his phone.

“Yeah, I guessed that too by the way he looks at me as if he wants to expose my dirty secret but doesn’t know how,” Lucas smirked, but Eliott didn’t consider that funny at all.

“I’m sorry,” he said. Of course, Eliott didn’t want his friend to harass the boy just because he was the way he was.

“Don’t be stupid. I get this.” Lucas threw his hand in the air. “You’re a company of very good friends with me meddling in. I don’t blame Sofiane for being worried.” Once again Lucas showed how wise and grown up he already was. Eliott wished he could stop admiring him even more. “But I really want to hear your side of the story. I have my suspicions and thoughts but I’m not even sure if I imagined the things which are going on between us or not,” Lucas admitted. And Eliott felt sick just of the thought that Lucas was doubting in what they had. Though they didn’t know each other for long, Eliott really felt that they've already shared something really major.

“You rendered me speechless the minute I saw your face. I don’t how you managed that but I couldn’t get you out of my head. A random boy with the joint between his lips from the bus stop was everything I could think about. I’ve never felt that way before. And I thought that it might have meant something, that maybe I’ve met someone who was really worth my time and then… BAM! It’s all collapsed because my friend admitted his crush on that boy. Then I saw how he was looking at him, and I knew that it was the line I couldn’t cross.” Eliott smirked sadly, feeling Lucas’ gaze on him. He still didn’t dare to look at the boy.

“But why? I was clear in showing my interest in you, not in Emile. At least I really hoped that you saw it. Can't you just speak to Emile? If he’s a good friend he’ll surely understand.” That's just proved how little Lucas knew. Yeah, he understood some things, but he still had no idea about the story between Eliott and Emile and the things they shared.

“Easier say than done,” Eliott breathed out. “I’ve done something in the past. I had good intentions but I’ve done something really bad. Something that affected Emile deeply. I can’t talk about it now because I don’t want to come back there but the most significant thing was that he's forgiven me. He forgave me something that’s broken him into pieces. And he never left my side despite everything. He can be too noisy and too loud and sometimes it’s too much him in the room, but he has a heart of gold which suffered too much pain. And now, when I see how excited he is because of you, how he smiles and how he’s happy just being near you… how can I ruin it? I can’t!”

“Ok. Now I need you to look at me! Look at me!” Lucas demanded and Eliott obeyed. He knew that he couldn’t resist seeing the boy much longer. Their eyes met and Eliott was surprised with how focused Lucas looked at the moment. “Now I’m going to tell you a couple of things, which you clearly already know because otherwise you wouldn’t have sat here right now. First of all, whatever you did to Emile, it was his decision to forgive you for this. He wasn’t forced into doing it, he did it because he wanted to. So you don’t owe him anything because of it. It’s unhealthy to think so. Secondly, he has no chance with me. I’m sorry, but it’s true. That is why I agreed to meet him this week to hint him at this. So is it really worth it to lose your chance with me just to give your best friend what anyway would never be his?”

Lucas sounded unexpectedly rough and cruel. His words were as sharp as knives and his gaze was even sharper. He was looking at Eliott intensively, trying to prove his point. And the only thing Eliott could think was that he agreed with him. With his every word. He knew that it was always on his mind, but he was too scared to admit the truth. But Lucas saw right through him, and he said his thoughts loud for him.

“I need a little bit time,” Eliott whispered because the decision he was about to make could really ruin something really important for him. He needed to think through everything carefully just not to make a huge mistake at the end.

“And I’ll give you it.” Once again Lucas understood him.

 

When he literally burst into Sofiane’s house his friend was completely shocked, that was evident by his facial expression. Eliott didn’t text or call him, he just came to him out of the blue and entered the building without even saying “hi”. He went to the living room just to check that the coast was clear, and when he made sure that Sofiane was alone, he turned to his friend and said:

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t be with Lucas.”

There was no point in hiding the truth now. Sofiane’s suspicions were already too strong to make him forget about everything. He was too smart for this and Eliott had no energy in him to fight the battle which he would have lost anyway. And considering Sofiane’ awareness of the situation Eliott even felt relieved because now he really had someone to discuss it with. Someone who knew both, him and Emile.

“So the fact that your best friend’s liking him doesn’t count anymore?” Sofiane asked calmly. He went to the sofa and sat on it, looking at Eliott with all his seriousness.

“No, if Lucas isn’t interested!” Eliott exclaimed.

“You can’t know that!” Sofiane said firmly, still remaining calm.

“Oh come on! As if it's not obvious that Lucas couldn’t care less!” Eliott said, and he saw it in Sofiane’s eyes that he said something that his friend couldn’t argue with.

“Emile still likes him a lot,” Sofiane didn’t give up and Eliott had no intentions do it either.

“And what if I like him too?” Eliott gave him a simple question and Sofiane closed his eyes and made a deep breath. He wanted to know the truth earlier and he’s gotten it. Now he had to deal with that. And Eliott hasn’t even finished yet. “And he likes me back! So I still want to hear one good reason why I should throw away something like that when Emile doesn’t have a chance!”

“Because it’ll break him!” Sofiane stated. “You know him. You know what he’s like. He would consider it a betrayal. Especially from you. Especially after everything!” Sofiane was pushing Eliott’s buttons. But Eliott was ready for it.

“So it’s alright that my heart will be broken as long as he will be alright? How is it fair?!”

“Eliott, I’ve never said that!” Now Sofiane didn’t look so calm anymore.

“So give me a fucking reason, okay?!” Eliott shouted out.

“I don’t know, okay?” Sofiane exclaimed. “I don’t fucking know! But I know that I saw how two of my mates fell for the same bloke and I can feel how it’s rushing to the catastrophe. Why couldn’t you choose someone else? Why should it have been him?” That wasn’t a fair question. Sofiane was the last who should have asked about such things. And Eliott had a perfect answer for him ready.

“And why couldn’t you choose somebody else but not your best mate’s Muslim sister?”  Eliott’s got him. He saw it by the way Sofiane reacted to the question. He was looking like a trapped animal. He didn’t have a good answer on that. “Yeah, exactly. It just happens, right? You just feel that the person is right for you and that’s it!”

“But you’ve just met him!” Sofiane was trying really hard, but at that moment they both knew that he’s lost his battle.

“And does it really change anything?” Eliott asked, and Sofiane shook his head because he knew the answer. Eliott put the hand through his hair and sat next to Sofiane. He was feeling a real desperation now. “I didn’t want that,” he admitted, having a feeling that he needed to explain it. Eliott needed somebody to understand him. “I just saw him at that fucking bus stop and something clicked in my head. I didn’t even know that it was the boy Emile was talking about until I heard his name. But it was already too late.”

“And are you sure that the boy is on the same page with you? Are you sure that he isn’t playing with both of you?”

Eliott knew that Sofiane was just a good friend, who was trying to look after his mates and that he didn’t mean anything bad, but still, the idea of him thinking about Lucas like that was making Eliott’s blood boil. He didn’t know him to say things like that. He didn’t feel him like Eliott did. He had no right to throw such assumptions around. But Eliott wasn’t here for a fight.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he answered with all honesty. And that was extremely incredibly that he put all his trust in the boy who he’s only known for a week. Eliott knew that it could make him look like an idiot or crazy fool in other people’s eyes. Probably Sofiane thought that way now, but Eliott didn’t really care. First time in his life he felt like he finally met the person who 100 percent belonged to his life and that was probably the most beautiful feeling in the world.

“Then you need to tell Emile about it. I’m sorry, but there is no other option,” Sofiane stated the obvious, but Eliott was glad to notice that there was no anger or disappointment in his voice. He sounded caring and that what you usually expect from your friend. Eliott was lucky that he had it.

“I know. But I need a little bit of time. Can you give me that?” Eliott looked at Sofiane with a question. He still remembered his text and, of course, he was aware of how much honesty and loyalty meant for his friend. That was an ugly move to ask Sofiane to lie for him but he was desperate. He needed some time to enjoy what he had before it all will go to hell.

“You have time until his birthday. After that, he needs to know.”

Eliott had four days.

 

[Sofiane]

where are you?  
it’s already late  
i’m starting to worry

don’t be  
i’m at Sofiane’s  
killing him with literature  
lol

you come back soon?  
i’m cooking pasta tonight

not sure  
but you can put a plate for me in the fridge

nah, don’t think so  
come home and deserve it  
the washing still needs to be done btw

Sofiane’s getting jealous here  
I better go

you can’t run from it forever, boy

i’ll try  
;P

Eliott took his phone back in the pocket, feeling awful after lying to Emile again. But that was the circumstances he couldn’t change. And in fact, he's really been helping Sofiane with Literature for a couple of hours just because he was feeling guilty for putting his friend in such position. And he knew that Sofiane would back him up if it would be necessary. Eliott had someone on his side now. Though even for a while. But that was enough for him to feel a little bit relieved.

“And they say that romance is dead.” Eliott’s heard Lucas’ voice and jumped out in surprise as he didn’t see him approaching. The boy was standing in a couple of meters from him with his black jacket and black jeans, which looked extremely good on him. His hair was already affected by the rain, but he was smiling as if it didn’t bother him at all. “Dark alley, rain, no people around… are you planning to kill me now?” He joked and Eliott laughed joyfully.

“Depends on your behavior.” Eliott came closer and looked at the dark sky. “Sorry about it. It must be Sofiane’s tears after a couple of hours in the company of me and Literature,” he said and that was Lucas’ turn to laugh. Eliott loved how playful the atmosphere between them was.

“So… what is the place?” Lucas asked curiously, looking around.

“Well, you have a bench in the middle of the park, and I have an alley with the ground under the old bridge.” He pointed to the place where he was usually sitting. And he was ready to meet Lucas there. Usually, he came here without any thinking but this time he prepared. He brought a blanket, beer and a couple of sandwiches for them.

“And where are the candles?” Lucas teased, and Eliott bumped him in the shoulder pretended to be offended.

“That’s my sacred place so behave!”  Eliott wagged his finger at him and Lucas made grimace, being ready to obey. “But the weather failed me so I don’t think that the picnic under the bridge is a good idea anymore.” Eliott was disappointed by the fact. He expected rain by the night, but nature had it’s own plans and rain started as soon as he settled everything here.  So now he couldn’t let Lucas sit here being wet. It could make him ill and that wasn’t the perfect scenario for this evening.

“So do you think that the walk under the rain is the better one?” Lucas asked sarcastically and went to the blanket. He didn’t sit but took a sandwich, unpacked it and bite. “Not bad. Did you make it yourself?» The boy commented and Eliott shook his head.

“No, Sofiane’s mother. When she came back and saw us studying, she convinced herself that we were starving and made the dozen of them. So when I was leaving Sofiane gave me a couple of them for the road in addition to the blanket,” Eliott explained and Lucas looked at him surprised. Sofiane’s face, when Eliott asked for the blanket, was something that he’d probably never be able to forget.

“Does he know that you’re with me now?”Lucas asked concerned and Eliott didn’t want him to start worrying. That wasn’t why he texted him to come here.

“Yeah, and he’s alright with it. That’s all that matters now,” Eliott answered vaguely, but Lucas didn’t drag this along. He nodded his head and made another bite. “You’re really hungry, aren’t you?”

“Oh yeah! After our meeting, I went to the guys to fix all the shit I caused, and especially to apologize to Arthur. Actually, that was quite idiotic of me to think that he had grudges against me because he began to hug me like crazy when I began to read my well-prepared speech in which I explained why I was such a dick. I never managed to go further the first sentence. Anyway, after we were wandering around the city, doing nothing in particular, and then we stuck at Bazile’s house without any food and only with drinks, then you texted me and here I am!”

“Wow, you’re talking a lot!” Eliott chuckled and Lucas stuck out his tongue at him. That was so childish and absolutely adorable.

“And you’ve organized the worst date ever!” Lucas answered him back, grinning.

“I beg your pardon? Who told you that it is a date?” He teased the boy and came closer to him.

“And it isn’t?” Lucas asked and made the cruelest move ever by biting his lip. Eliott’s heart skipped a beat because it was without any doubt the hottest thing he had ever seen. And Lucas knew it, as his eyes lighted up satisfied with the result, which was a stunned Eliott’s face. But Eliott knew that despite the weakness in his knees it was the battle he couldn’t lose. Without any hesitation, he pulled the sandwich out of the boy’s hand, took another one from the ground and put it in his pocket, while still holding Lucas’ one in his hand.

“What the fuck?” Lucas cried out, clearly being caught out of the guard. Eliott moved backward.

“You can’t offend my skills of the date organizer and eat sandwiches which I brought!” Eliott gave a simple explanation, enjoying his victory.

“Oh come on! You won’t leave me dying here!” Lucas began to come towards Eliott and that made him make another couple of steps backward. He didn’t even notice how he turned up under the rain. “Give me my sandwich!” Lucas demanded, following him, and Eliott lifted his hand up.

“Ok, you can take it.” He said and grinned sneakily.

“Now you’re just unfair!” Lucas cried out.

“It’s not my fault that you’re so short,” Eliott used his clear advantage over the boy.

“Are you sure you really wanna play this game?” Lucas asked, having narrowed his eyes. Eliott said nothing, keep smiling. He was already feeling how all his cloth was becoming wet of the rain, not mentioning that its drops were all over his hair and face. But he didn’t even feel it as he was too busy having a staring contest with the boy, who now was in the same position as him, wet and not ready to give up.

Eliott could only imagine what was on Lucas’ mind when he began slowly approaching him not leaving his eye off him. Eliott was ready for everything: that the boy would push him, hit him, jump up high, and maybe even begin to tickle him because that was one of his worst nightmares. But no way he expected what he’s gotten. Lucas stopped in a couple of inches from him just for a second to grab him by his jacket, pull him closer and press their lips together, having stood on his fingertip.

It took Eliott a couple of seconds to realize what was happening, and that it was for real. And it took him a moment to forget about the sandwich and drop it just to grab the boy’s face because it felt like it was everything he ever needed. The second he felt Lucas’ lips he knew that was the only lips he should ever kiss. When he touched Lucas’ face he knew that it was the only face he should ever touch. After he grabbed his waist with one hand and pulled him even closer he knew that they belonged together. The sweet of his lips, his scent, his soft touches were psychotropic. That was like the drug, which had been made especially for Eliott. And with every touch of their lips, he wanted more and more. And by the way Lucas was clutching to his hair, pulling him closer and biting his bottom lip he knew that he was _the only one_ for him. It looked like they finally found their place in the world. And it was in each other’s embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so not sure about this chapter. but i hope you'll like it and maybe even leave your feedack? ;)  
> thank you for reading! love you all! <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliott and Lucas finally have a lot of time to spend together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Response to the previous chapter was unbelievable! Thank you so much for staying with the story, commenting and reading it! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much!

“So… parallel universes. What do you think?”

Lucas and Eliott were lying on the bed in Lucas’s room with only boxers and t-shirts on. They came here hours ago, being absolutely soppy, their teeth were chattering with cold. Still, they both couldn’t stop smiling. Lucas’ father was off on a business trip again, so his house was the obvious place for them to go. And all this time they were doing nothing but kissing, hugging, touching and exploring each other’s body as if they were the most precious things in the world. And Eliott started to think that it was exactly what Lucas was. Too precious. So when the boy asked him his question, Eliott didn't manage to catch it straight away.

“What?” He murmured, burying his head in the boy's neck. Absorbing his scent. If only he could lock it up in the bottle and take it to his flat just for his room to smell like that. Life would have been so much more pleasant then.

“Parallel universes. Do you believe in them?” Lucas clarified his question, and Eliott couldn’t but notice that he chose a weird thing for discussion. But he didn’t mind.

“I’m not sure,” he said, not moving from his spot. He could feel a shiver, running down the boy’s neck which was caused by his voice. It made him smile, and he continued. “For me, there’s only one universe and there is a real tragedy in that. Sometimes when I have to make a choice I always think that there are two paths to take. And when I choose one path, because I need to make this choice, I always think about the second one and about all the missed opportunities I left with it. That drives me crazy.”

“But what if there is another Eliott in the parallel universe, who’s chosen another path? Then it’d mean that you’ve tried all the options,” Lucas suggested.  The way he seemed sincerely interested in this theme was fascinating. The boy clearly was a dreamer.

“Then I don’t envy him,” Eliott answered, and there was no need to look at Lucas to feel his confusion.  “If I’d chosen another path in the past, I could never meet you.” He lifted his head to look at the boy, who was now smiling at him fondly. Lucas leaned over to leave a kiss oh his lips. But Eliott didn’t let him go easily, having beaten his lower lip and deepened the kiss.  When their tongues touched Lucas groaned and Eliott grinned satisfied. “Can you imagine Eliott and Lucas who doesn’t have this moment right now?” He whispered in his mouth and Lucas shook his head slightly. Yeah, Eliott thought the same.

He grabbed Lucas’ back of the head and pulled him as close to himself as it was only possible. One Lucas’ hand was rushing through Eliott’s hair while another one found its way underneath Eliott’s t-shirt. As soon as his fingers touched Eliott’s bared skin an electric shock ran through his body, which was completely under Lucas control now. And there was no desire in them to talk anymore, they had some other things to do.

 

“I still think that parallel universes can exist”.

When Lucas brought up the theme, which they successfully dropped nearly an hour ago, Eliott couldn’t hold his laugh. They were still lying on the bed but there were no t-shirts on them anymore. They were just an obstacle in their way of knowing each other better, and they had no other choice but to get rid of them. Lucas was lying on his stomach and Eliott used the boy’s back as a pillow for himself. He was running his fingers along Lucas’ soft skin, trying to memorize every line of his body and every mole that he had. He wished he had a pencil and paper to capture this moment, but he wasn’t ready to remove himself from the boy. Not yet.

“Ok. Share your thoughts.” Eliott put his chin on Lucas’ scapula, ready to hear everything that he wanted to say so much. And if that was important to Lucas, then it was important to Eliott too.

“When I have a choice to make I love thinking that there’re other Lucases in other parallel universes who took all the paths I couldn’t take. And when I have bad days, doubts or regrets I always remind myself that somewhere there’s another Lucas who’s happy and who’s living his best life at the moment. Sometimes it helps me to move forward and make other hard decisions which I need to make.”

“And did other Lucases meet me?” Eliott asked, enchanted by the dreamy Lucas’ face.

“Yeah. Some of them definitely did.” Lucas smiled, turning his head to look at Eliott. “Maybe, in another universe, you’re not a painter but musician.”

“I can hardly see that happening,” Eliott laughed. He was one hundred percent a tone-deaf person.

“Well, it’s another universe. Everything’s possible there,” Lucas was saying that as though he really believed in that theory. And Eliott wanted to hear more of that.

“And what else? Who else could we be?” He asked, and Lucas turned around carefully just for Eliott to lie on his chest. Lucas reached Eliott’s hair with his hand and began to play with them with his fingers.

“Well, we could be girls. Can you imagine that?” Lucas supposed and Eliott let out a laugh.

“That would be so cool, right?” He asked and Lucas nodded his head in agreement.

“You can be bald. Can you imagine yourself without your beautiful hair?” Eliott shook his head on it as the thought seemed too ridiculous for him. He would never get rid of his hair. “We also could live in every country. Norway, USA, Italy, Germany, Netherlands, Belgium, England, China, Brasilia…”

“Even in Russia?” Eliott’s interrupted Lucas and the boy shrugged his shoulders.

“Yeah. Why not?”

“О да!” Eliott exclaimed, and Lucas has been clearly taken aback by his response. “Last summer I met a group of Russian tourists and when I heard them I decided that I want to know their language. So I learned a couple of phrases.” Of course, it wasn’t the whole story. Eliott’s been living through one of his episodes back then, and he couldn’t rest until he learned at least something. That was one of his stupid obsessions, which didn’t bring him anything useful at the end. As always.

“Then tell me something!” Lucas asked, looking at him with his big angelic blue eyes. If only Eliott could say «no» to them.

«Ты самое лучшее, что когда-либо случалось в моей жизни.” He whispered, taking a lock of Lucas’ hair off his face.

“And what does it mean?” Eliott expected to hear this question.

“I won’t tell.” He smiled playfully being perfectly aware of the reaction he would get.

“Oh, you can’t do that!” Lucas exclaimed indignantly.

“Oh, yeah, I can!” Eliott teased and before Lucas said anything, he pulled himself over and kissed him gently. And there was no resistance from Lucas’ side at all, as he answered the kiss straight away. A couple of seconds later they were lost to this world again.

 

They were half-sitting, half-lying on the floor, leaning on the bed and sharing one joint. The room was filled with smoke and there was only their breathing which was heard in it. Lucas' head was lying on Eliott’s shoulder and Eliott buried himself in his soft hair. That was the most comfortable place in the whole world.

“Have you ever been in a serious relationship?” Lucas asked, having let out the smoke.

“Kind of, yeah,” Eliott answered, unwillingly pulling away from his hair and taking a joint in his hand. “But that was for my mother’s pleasure rather than mine. She was a very good friend of mine and it was convenient being with her, but with time I understood that wasn’t what I wanted at all.” He took a drag, having realized how much he missed that feeling.

“And what did you want?” Lucas asked and Eliott wanted to laugh because was it so necessary to answer it now? That was obvious.

“I didn’t know myself until the recent days,” he said and smiled. Lucas was smiling too now. That was the view he was ready to look at forever. “And what about you? Will I have to deal with some jealous exes in the future?” Eliott was sure that such beautiful boy as Lucas surely would have dozens of admirers.

“Well, I came out only a year ago, so I didn’t have a lot of time. I kind of had a crush on Yann for a while but that was before I understood what was going on here,” Lucas pointed to his head. “And then nobody really caught my eye before I came to a new school and saw you,” Lucas admitted.

“Was it hard for you to come out?” Eliott asked him, trying not to think too about much how flattered him Lucas’ words and how elated he was by them.

“I think it was harder to come to the moment of coming out rather than the process itself,” Lucas was talking, thinking about his every word. “Stupidly I made myself believe that me being gay was the end of the world and that it would change everything. I was scared that my family and my friends would turn their backs on me and that I would be left alone. Now I realize how dumb that was but I can't change anything, can I?”

“So everyone accepted you?” Eliott knew that he was ready to fight everybody who’d at least thought about hurting Lucas in that way.

“Yeah, it turned out that I was a lucky guy and that I have people who love me the way I am. Well… my father needed some time to process it but he’s gotten there at the end. My mother even told me that she always knew and that she was proud that I was finally ready to accept myself.” Lucas’ face shining with the smile, but still, there was something unmissable sad in his tone. Talks about mother clearly hurt him but that wasn’t only it. There was something else, Eliott could feel it but he had no courage to ask.

“And my parents were in shock when a five-year-old me said that I’d marry our seven-year-old neighbor one day. Leon was his name if I’m not mistaken. And in a month I was in love with Marlyn, and there were Claudia and George…”

“Oh, and here I thought I was special!” Lucas exclaimed in a jokey way. Eliott cracked up laughing.

“Yeah, I was a real heart-breaker back then.” He put his hand through Lucas’ hair, but still, he felt an urge to explain it. “I’ve already said that I always had troubles with feeling my parents’ love so I guess I was just trying to find it somewhere else. I was just a child who didn’t know what love was, so I came to the conclusion that I was falling in love every time somebody lied an eye on me. Is it pathetic?” It was important for him to know Lucas’ opinion.

“No, that’s sad for sure, but that’s not pathetic. But you still had some kind of love, didn’t you?” Lucas straightened up and looked at Eliott who didn’t really get what the boy meant. “I know that you are friends with  Emile, Sofiane and Idriss since the early days. Emile told me that. And it looks like you’re all really close.”

“Yeah, we are…” Eliott whispered as the guilt began taking over him. Emile was the topic they managed successfully avoid till this moment and Lucas was clearly acting without any intentions to make Eliott feel bad because of that but that happened anyway. And Lucas felt it straight away.

“Fuck! I’ve ruined everything, right?” He asked guilty and Eliott smiled at him gently and shook his head.

“That’s alright. You didn't mean to. And we can’t run from this theme forever,” Eliott answered wishing to erase Lucas’ feeling of guilt. That wasn’t his fault that Eliott turned out to be a pretty shit friend at the end. There was nothing he could do to change that.

“But we still can try to do it for tonight,” Lucas grabbed Eliott’s face and kissed him gently. “Agreed?” He asked, leaning his forehead to Eliott’s.

“Agreed,” Eliott gave his answer and in a minute his lips were on Lucas’ once again.

 

«Why are you not sleeping?»

They were on the bed again, facing each other, sharing one air. Eliott’s lost count of time a long time ago, but when Lucas began dozing off from time to time he knew that it was already pretty late. And he loved just lying next to him, watching at the peaceful angel which life was so generous to give him. Just being near him was enough for Eliott to know that his heart has been stolen from him forever now and he would have done nothing to return it.

“You’re very beautiful when you sleep,” Eliott whispered, stroking him on the cheek lightly.

“You’re really that kind of guy, yeah? Romance and all that stuff,” Lucas murmured with a tiny dreamy smile on his face. Eliott couldn’t resist but touched the boy’s lips. He wanted to kiss him once again despite the fact that it was the only thing they were doing for the past couple of hours, but he decided against it eventually. The boy was tired.

“Only with you, I promise,” Eliott said and he meant that. There had been no one in his life who’s ever made him care so much. But with Lucas he wanted to be every second, support him, help him, be happy with him, and be sad with him. And to love him.

“Thank you,” Lucas suddenly pronounced and finally opened his sleepy eyes.

“For what?” Eliott could think of thousands of the reasons why he should have been thanking the boy and not the other way around.

“For choosing me,” he answered and Eliott was sure that he saw tears in his eyes.

“I guess I never had a choice.” That was the truth. All his denying was a simple waste of time.  “The minute I saw you I knew that I’m in deep troubles.”

“When I saw Emile’s face that morning and when it got to me what was happening I thought that I had no chance anymore,” Lucas said despite their promise not to bring up this topic that night. And for some reason, Elliott decided not to stop him. The tone of his voice hinted that it needed to be said. “First time in my life I felt a real attraction to someone and in a few days I thought that it was over before it even started just because someone felt something for me that I couldn’t control. That wasn’t fair. I felt like another good thing has been taken away from me and I couldn’t do anything to change it.”

“Like happened with your mother?” Eliott asked softly, Lucas nodded his head.

“I miss her,” he whispered, and Eliott could see a single tear running down his cheek. “After she was taken away I felt so lonely, there was a hole inside of my chest nothing could fill. No father, no friends. We had this special bond with her, she knew me like nobody in this world, and she understood, supported and accepted me. And suddenly that’s all gone. And then I meet this gorgeous guy, and I feel the connection once again, not the one I had with my mother, another one, but it wasn’t less important. And I’ve nearly lost it too…”

“But you haven’t! I’m here, aren’t I?” Eliott tried to cheer up the boy because his tears were tearing his heart apart.

“Yeah, but at what cost?” Lucas was looking straight at his eyes. “You can have troubles with your best friend.”

“Yesterday you gave me the advice to think about me and not him, didn’t you? ” Eliott noted carefully. Lucas’s mood obviously changed once again.

“Yeah, because I was selfish and I wanted you. But now I have you here, lying next to me and…”

“Are you trying to say that you’ve realized that you’re not interested anymore?” Eliott joked.

“Of course not!” Lucas was offended by the fact. “But I don’t want to be a trouble. I mean I maybe was a little bit pushy but I don’t’ want you to risk anything for me. I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize what a big mistake it was and that it was all my fault….”

“Stop! Stop it now!” Eliott pressed his finger to Lucas’s lips. He couldn’t listen to this anymore. “Tell me what’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like that? Why are you saying such things?”

“It’s just… my mother has already realized that I wasn’t worth it. She doesn’t want to see me anymore,” Lucas breathed out and the tears run down his face.

“What?” Eliott was sure that he’s heard something wrong because the boy couldn’t have said that.

“When I came back for my things yesterday morning, my father was still at home and he was speaking with someone on the phone,” he was breathing heavily trying held his tears, which were uncontrollably streaming down his face anyway. “And I’ve heard… I’ve heard…” Lucas began to choke in his tears and Eliott felt the panic rushing through him, he didn’ know how to help. He didn’t know what to do. “That it was her decision not to see me. Not my father’s. She doesn’t want to see me anymore!” Lucas fixed his gaze on Eliott and a shiver run down his spine. “I don’t wanna be alone,” Lucas said quietly and that broke Eliott. He pulled him in his embrace and took him as strong as he could. Lucas didn’t hold up any more, he burst out crying and that was one the most heartbreaking things which Eliott ever lived through. He never felt so powerless.

“You have me,” he whispered him into his hair. “And I’m not going anywhere,” Eliott promised.  And that was the only thing he could do. He just wished it would be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me for adding my native language to the story... but i just couldn't resist lol  
> anyway drama is on it's way and i hope you enjoy some good moments while they lasts  
> thank you for reading! <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas' friends have some questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a busy week so soz for the delay of the chapter but here it is! enjoy!  
> and thatnk you for your kind response! every comment means the world to me!

**_lucallemant_**  
I think I have food poisoning  
and I’m dying

**_srodluv_**  
I knew that the bacon’s gone off

**_lucallemant_**  
so it’s definitely not the mix of fennel, cinnamon and bacon then???

**_srodluv_**  
doubting my culinary skills?

**_lucallemant_**  
doubt you have any

**_srodluv_**  
ouch  
offended  
  
**_lucallemant_**  
I think I know how to make up for it  
;)

**_srodluv_**  
I’ll give you a chance  
maybe  
:P  


“Are you sure that he was with you all night?” Idriss asked Sofiane while exploring Eliott’s face with narrowed eyes.

“Why are you asking?” Sofiane asked unwillingly, not giving him a straight answer.

“He looks like a dead man but he smiles like he’s just had the best sex in his life,” Idriss commented and that made Eliott realize that it was best for him to return to his friends' conversation and put away his phone.

“It looks like we were busted, right?” Eliott winked at Sofiane playfully but the guy didn’t share his enthusiasm. “Why can’t I just be in a good mood?” Eliot turned to Idriss who shrugged his shoulders.

“Don’t know but yesterday you were really moody and now you’re literally shining, that’s weird,” Idriss noted the obvious.

“Well, yesterday is in the past and today is a new day, isn’t it?” Eliott smiled at the thought of how fast things can change.

When he and Lucas woke up this morning they had a usual routine of the couple who’s just moved in together, except that wasn’t the case. They were kissing, eating their breakfast, kissing, putting on their clothes, kissing, taking off their clothes, kissing, putting on their clothes again trying to keep away from each other just to come to school in time. That was a really hard thing to do. And saying their goodbyes and not being able to walk to school together was even harder. Sofiane was waiting for Eliott at his house and they met Idriss on their way later. But that thing was that Eliott was already missing Lucas. “So have you already decided what are you going to give Emile for his birthday?” It looked like Idriss was the only one who was ready for conversation while Emile was delaying somewhere. They were in the canteen on their lunch break and there was dead silence between at least two of them. Sofiane was trying to avoid Eliott the whole day, Eliott decided not to push his lack with him and Idriss clearly felt that something was off but decided not to point to it. That was a good move of him.

“Well, we kind of agreed to go to London together this summer so we’re trying to save up some money. He made me promise not to buy him anything,” Eliott answered.

“But you’re still going to get him something, right? He’s your best mate!” Idriss protested and Eliott just shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say. Frankly speaking, he really had some surprise ready for Emile but he didn’t trust Idriss to be silent about it, and that was too special for him to be ruined like that.

“I’m sure Eliott will manage to surprise us all,” Sofiane murmured under his nose and Idriss’ patience was at its end.

“What the fuck is going on between you today?” He asked demandingly and Sofiane and Eliott exchanged glances. By the look on Sofiane’ face, Eliott figured that he’s been left with the prerogative to explain it.

“Well, as you remember I wasn’t in my best mood yesterday, so when Sofiane didn’t understand what I was trying to explain him I crossed the line a couple of times with my annoyance. And I’ve already told him that I’m sorry.” Eliott made the lamest excuse ever and looked at Sofiane because the last part was true. He was really sorry. Eliott never had an intention to put his friend in such position, but he had no choice.

Eliott wasn’t sure that Idriss one hundred percent bought this bullshit as he still looked suspicious between two of them but at least he left it without further questions. Eliott felt relieved but not for long as Emile finally joined them at the table and he wasn’t alone.

“You don’t mind boys joining us, yeah?” He asked with a smile while pointing to Lucas and his friends who were already settling in as if they didn’t need their permission. And they really didn’t need it.

Emile sat next to Idriss and made sure that Lucas joined him and that how the boy turned out to sit right in front of Eliott, who was trying his best to hide his smile. Other boys surrounded Eliott at the right side of the table, smiling widely.

“I think we still didn’t have a chance to meet officially. I’m Yann.” Lucas’ best friend extended his hand to Eliott and he shook it. “And that’s Arthur and Bazile.” Yann pointed to the other two blokes.

“And I’m Eliott but you probably already know that.” Eliott smiled at them politely, thinking about how strange the situation was. He didn’t even have a chance to chat with the boys which his friends really liked, but he’s just spent the night with their best mate.

“Have you seen that? He can smile!” Bazile exclaimed. “I bet this smile can conquer any girl, right?” The guy looked at Eliott like he really expected to hear the answer on that.

“Baz, stop, it’s embarrassing!” Lucas said to his friend but the smile was playing on his face. The smile which could really conquer every heart. Eliott knew it from the experience.

“Oh come on. Look at that face! Tell me if you had a chance would you date him?” It seemed like Bazile was out of control and something was telling Eliott that it was in his character in general. He definitely had some crazy energetic inside him. “You like the boys too, right?” Now that was a question to Eliott and that cornered him. He had no right answer on this.

 “Baz, can you shut up already?” Yann asked irritated. “Just because two guys like guys doesn’t mean that they need to hook up!” Eliott appreciated his input, trying to avoid looking at Lucas. Though he was sure that the boy was blushing right now.

“What? No! I didn’t mean that like that! I just notice that Lucas is the only one who Eliott followed so…”

“Is it so?” Bazile didn’t have an opportunity to finish his sentence as Emile took part in the conversation. _Fuck!_

Eliott’s completely forgotten about such thing as Instagram and how attentive people can be towards it. Since he followed Lucas it didn’t even occur him that him fallowing only the boy whom he’s hardly known could look strange. And, of course, when nobody mentioned it he didn’t even give this a second thought. He should have been cleverer than this, but his crush on Lucas’ clearly took over his common sense and now it was time to pay for it.

“I didn’t notice that. I thought it was in your rules not to follow anyone?” Emile sounded tense and Eliott began to dig himself a grave in his mind. He had no idea what he should say for it to sound at least a little bit logical and not suspicious. It was impossible.

“Well, I kind of made him do this,” Lucas suddenly stepped in and seven pairs of eyes turned his attention on him, Eliott’s including. “When he let me stayed at yours I kind of accused him of not wanting to be friends with me and the boys. And that he was letting me stay just to show off in front of you. He began to argue that it wasn’t like that and that was when I challenged him. I asked him to prove it by starting following me and, believe me, he fought like a tiger, but when I threatened him to come to you…” Lucas looked at Emile. “And complain about it he was urged to do that. It looks like you have serious control over him!”

The boy smile at Eliott’s friend and Emile looked much more relaxed now. Probably, he’s believed him. And Eliott knew that it wasn’t a perfect cover-up story, but he was grateful Lucas for giving at least something that could pass as the truth. He was too stressed to come up with something else.

“Now I’m offended!” Idriss resented. “Don’t I deserve to be followed too?” He clearly wasn’t serious, but still, Eliott needed to finally say something.

“Like you don’t know that I’m stalking all of you on a daily basis!” He rolled his eyes.

“That’s true. And your two or three pictures are not really worth of following,” that was Sofiane who said that piece. And Eliott knew that he was trying to help him here. “And, Lucas, you’re playing a dirty game making you page private by the way!” He was trying to switch the focus in another direction, and Lucas played along.

“I know, but the minute you decide to keep your privacy you become interesting. Look! All of you are following me now! Isn’t that a result?” He said playfully and Eliott noticed how Emile smiled at that. He was obviously fascinated with the boy.

“That’s right!” Arthur supported his friend. “As people say «Forbidden fruit is the sweetest »” The guy added thoughtfully, and that moment Eliott and Lucas’ eyes met. Oh, how right that was!

 

“You do realize that we’re risking now, right?”

Lucas stopped his and Eliott’s kiss, looking up at the guy. He was sitting on the table with Eliott standing between his thighs in the chemistry class. Eliott knew that it was one of the classes which were always empty after the lessons, so he saw an opportunity and took it by dragging Lucas here just to share a couple of minutes with him alone.

“You’re the last person who needs to worry. If we get caught it will be my problem, not yours,” Eliott took the boy’s face, smiling at his concern. “And the guys have already left, so just let me thank you once again.” Eliott joint their lips and Lucas willingly kissed him back, but something wasn’t right. Lucas was still tensed. “Ok.” Eliott took a step back. “Spill. What’s bothering you?”

“Do you think Emile believed in our story of me challenging you?” Lucas asked tentatively. And Eliott couldn’t but rolled his eyes. “I know that it’s your problem but still… I don’t want you to be pushed to telling him about us when you are not ready or not prepared. But you’re making such stupid mistakes! Following only me? Seriously? You’re lucky that they haven’t notice that earlier and that I was there to back us up. I saw your face, I thought you’d run up at to the hill at any moment!”

“Well, it isn’t my fault that your friend has such a long tongue,” Eliott reminded Lucas how they’ve got in such situation, but Lucas looked at him dissatisfied because that clearly wasn’t his point. “I know that I messed up, but I can’t think straight since the moment I saw you! You’re the only thing that on my mind all the time!” He gently touched Lucas’ cheek and the boy blushed, he clearly didn’t use to hear a lot of compliments, but he deserved thousands of them.

“Or maybe you want you to be caught?” Lucas assumed and that made Eliott frown.

“What do you mean?” He asked because right now the boy’s words didn’t have any sense. He was dreading the thought of Emile finding out about his feelings for Lucas though now it was something inevitable. Still, he wanted to enjoy the time Sofiane gave him. He didn’t want to be caught, not now.

“Well, sometimes there are situations when people have some secret and they need to share it but they’re too scared to do that. That’s when they begin to do things which can help them with that, but this is an unconscious process. They don’t realize that they’re trying to reveal themselves until it’s too late, do you know what I mean?” Lucas was speaking carefully in a clear attempt not to offend Eliott’s feeling in any way.

“Yeah, I get it.” Eliott nodded his head because now the picture became clearer. “And maybe there is some truth in it but still I don’t want Emile to find out like that. He deserves to hear it from me. And I promise that we’re not going to hide for long!”

“And then what? Are we’re going to be boyfriends?” Lucas asked teasingly and Eliott grabbed his face once again, looking straight at his big puppy eyes.

“We’re boyfriends,” He declared and reached to his lips, but Lucas distanced from him. Again. “Is it me or you’re already trying to break up with me?” He asked, having raised his eyebrows at the boy.

“I just want to thank you!” Lucas said and that left Eliott speechless. He’s done nothing for the boy to thank him. That was Lucas who has saved Eliott skin just a couple of hours ago and not another way around. A pure confusion on the guy’s face was evident as Lucas decided to explain, “Thank you for being here for me when I told you about my mum not wanting to see me. I really didn’t want to put this all on you as you clearly have your own problems, but sometimes my emotions took over me and I can’t hold back. And the fact that you stayed and that you didn’t say anything in the morning and that you don’t ask any questions…. that means a lot.”

Eliott couldn’t believe his ears. The things Lucas was thanking him for were something that everybody would do. Especially for such boy as Lucas Lallemant.  And they really haven’t talked about it since that happened and that was alright, Eliott knew that Lucas needed more time and in reality, he could wait for him forever. And once again everyone would probably have done that.

“You’re so stupid!” Eliott laughed kindly and messed up his fluffy hair. “I’m not going anywhere!” He promised and a smile finally came to Lucas’s face.

“That’s good to hear.”

This time that was the boy who started the kiss, pulling Eliott closer by his brown jacket and collapsing their lips together. It didn’t take Eliott long to answer back by dragging the boy in even closer by the back and holding his neck with another hand. Lucas wrapped up his legs around Eliott’s body and that made him feel things which were clearly wasn’t meant to happen in the school. And when Lucas’s tongue run along Eliott’s lower lip and then disappeared the situation only worsened. But they both could play this game. Eliott's lips parted from Lucas’ and he began making a trail of kisses on his face starting with the corner of the lips then reaching his cheek, then kiss came on the boy’s cheekbone and the next kisses began to cover his neck. At first, Eliott was acting tenderly but with every gasp from Lucas’ mouth the intensity grew and he started to bite a smooth skin a little between his kisses and that’s definitely got a desired effect.

“You’re fucking kidding me!” Lucas murmured and Eliott laughed satisfied.

“Don’t you like it?” Elliott raised his head and look at the boy, whose face turned red.

“You know I do, but we’re in the school!” Lucas really tried to find a reasonable excuse for them to stop but Eliott didn’t care. He was burning inside and he had no desire to let the feeling go.

“And who cares?” He asked joyfully and reached to his lips again. Within a second Lucas gave in, grabbing Eliott by the hair and tugging him closer.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

The magic of the moment disappeared right at the moment they both heard the words. They simultaneously turned their heads to the door and saw Arthur, Yann, and Bazile looking at them with wide eyes and open mouths. The panic ran through Eliott’s body and he couldn’t even move, though he should have done this considering the provocation position he was in. And Lucas wasn’t better, he clutched in Eliott’s jumper even tighter.

“I knew that this story about Instagram was a shit! I told you!” Bazile shouted out excitedly as if he’s just won a lottery.

“Fucking shit!” Arthur hissed and then smiled widely. “I ship it!” He clapped his hands and that looked super weird.

“And I have questions!” Yann was the last to say, but his tone was the most serious of the trio.

Lucas and Eliott looked at each other, having shared a silence dialogue which in short meant: «We’re in deep shit».

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we close to the angst or not? that's the question  
> share you thoughts ;)  
> thank you for reading! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More people know about Eliott's connection with Lucas now and a face from the past suddenly appears... something of this definitely doesn't mean anything good!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe that we're getting season 5 and that it's going to be about our mystery boy Arthur? Yeah, me neither! I'm in such a happy bubble becaus of it and I can't wait to see what's coming but for now... enjoy the new chapter! ;)

The panic was rushing through Eliott’s body when Lucas’ mates walked into the classroom. Lucas closed the door behind them, after having verified that there was nobody else in the hall, and then joined Eliott, who was standing near the window probably looking nervous as hell. The boys scattered around the room each of them having his own emotions on their face. The most excited was Bazile. He didn’t hesitate and stood right in front of the couple, looking as if he had expected to hear all the answers to his questions which he didn’t even ask. Arthur sat on the table on which Lucas was almost lying a couple of minutes ago, and Eliott really didn’t need to think about that now. A blond boy was smiling mysteriously, glancing at his friend and Eliott from time to time, but not keeping his eyes on them for far too long. Yann was the most serious one. He leaned on the wall, having stood opposite them and wrapped his arms across the chest. He was looking at Lucas only, probably Eliott didn’t interest him that much. And the most important thing was that nobody dared to start speaking, and Lucas was the one who decided to break this unbearable silence.

“If you have questions you better start asking them otherwise we would die of old age here,” Lucas giggled nervously, and Eliott felt that it wasn’t easy for him too. He wanted to grab his hand to show him that he wasn’t alone, but he didn’t dare. He was too stunned to do anything at this point.

“I think that it’s pretty obvious what question we have,” Yann pronounced, still not leaving his intense glare off Lucas. That was hard to say whatever he was angry or simply irritated, but his tone made Eliott’s skin crawl. It wasn't hard for him to imagine Idriss or Emile being in Lucas’ best friend‘s place.

“And I think that’s pretty obvious what the answer to that will be,” Lucas answered in the same manner as if he was challenging his friend. And by the changes in Yann’s face that was clear that he wasn’t happy with that response.

“Oh yeah! You’ve spent only a week in this school and already making out with some random guy in the class! I suppose it’s really weird for us not to believe our own eyes at the moment!” Yann said sarcastically, still looking at his friend and at him only. Eliott would have thought that he’s become invisible if Bazile hadn’t looked at him like he was some valuable piece at the museum.

“But he’s not just a random guy, isn’t he?” Arthur voiced his thoughts, having looked at both Lucas and Eliott. Yann raised his eyebrows in a question. “I mean we all know that you had some encounters before. You both met at the bus station, you stayed with Emile when we went home and clearly had an encounter with Elliott later and you also spent a night at their house and then you were walking around like a ticking bomb…”

“It’s nothing to do with it!” Lucas warned him, and Eliott got it that his friends still knew nothing about the situation in the boy’s home.

“Ok!” Arthur raised his hand in defeat. “But still it all looked suspicious to me. And the way you were sneaking glances at each other today… now it explains everything.”

“Why didn’t you tell us anything?” That was a Bazile’s turn to step in. And that was a good question on which Lucas didn’t really have a question as it was evident from his distraught look. At least he had no answer which he felt like he had the right to tell. He looked at Eliott, clearly looking for his support on this.

“Because Emile’s in love with Lucas, of course!” Arthur saved them both, and all the surprised glances were brought to him. “Oh come on! That was obvious! Are you really that inattentive?” Arthur laughed, looking first at Bazile and then at Yann. They clearly had no idea. The amount of things Arthur noticed could have made him interesting for Eliott, but that wasn’t the right time for him to start bonding with Lucas’ friends. He knew that it was his call to step in and explain everything. 

“Yeah. That’s true.” He finally said and Yann finally decided to pay him some attention. Though he still wasn’t sure that he had the right to tell about his best friend's feelings, lying wasn’t an option either. He certainly didn’t want to make this situation even worse. Especially for Lucas. “Emile likes Lucas. A lot.” That was the hardest things to say, as the thought of someone close to him having some serious feelings to a person he probably was in love has been killing him inside. And when he felt like Lucas’s hand took and squeezed his hand in support, he knew that still, he had no regrets about it. “And as you could guess we like each other, so it’s got a little bit complicated for us.”

“I don’t see it. Why can’t you just tell him? He’d probably cry for a couple of days and then find distraction in someone else.” Bazile looked confused, and Yann’s twitched the way that showed that he didn’t get that too.

“I will tell him! I will!” Eliott insisted, he didn’t want for the boys to think that Lucas’s was some secret toy for Eliott and nothing more. Because he knew that it could have looked that way, but he didn’t want to be associated with that.

“We’ve just decided to spend a little bit of time together without any troubles. Is it a crime?” Lucas supported Eliott and it looked like Arthur and Bazile got it as they nodded their heads. But Yann’s face was still something that was impossible to read.

“Oh God! That’s why you acted so shifty when he invited us on his birthday earlier!” Bazile exclaimed, and that took Eliott by surprise. He knew about Emile’s intentions to ask them to come, but he had no idea that he’s already done it. Lucas didn’t tell him about that.

“I had no time,” the boy explained immediately as if he’s read Eliott’s mind. “I wanted to tell you when we came here, but then…” He didn’t manage to finish because Arthur and Bazile began giggling as they've seen what they were doing here instead of discussing the news. “I tried to find an excuse not to come…”

“But we didn’t let him do that,” Yann finished his sentence. Eliott noticed that his posture changed, and he didn’t look so severe anymore. “Of course, we couldn’t know that it was a bad idea to accept his offer as nobody told us about your situation,” he sounded offended. Probably that was his only problem with this mess. He was upset because Lucas, his best friend, didn’t share it with him. But at least he didn’t have a crush on somebody who Yann liked. So he would be alright. 

“Well, I’m planning to talk to him anyway about him not having chance with me, so maybe I won’t even get there at the end,” Lucas shrugged his shoulders as if he didn’t care. The problem was that Eliott wasn’t sure whatever it was like that or not. He felt like Lucas was deliberately trying to hide his feeling about Emile’s situation after their night together. Probably he didn’t want to bother Eliott with that, but something was telling him that the boy couldn’t but felt bad because of it.

“And I’m planning to tell him the whole truth after his birthday,” Eliott confided in and Yann nodded his head, satisfied.

“I think I don’t need to tell you that you need to keep your mouth shut till that moment, right?” Lucas asked seriously, but mainly his attention was focused on Bazile.

“Yeah, of course, mate!” The boy answered as if there was no need to ask that. “I just have one question left.” He added and turned to Eliott once again. “If you and Lucas are now together, does it mean that you’re part of our gang now? Yeah?” He blurted out thrilled and raised his hand for Eliott to high-five him. With the corner of his eyes, Eliott could notice that Yann rolled his eyes at that and Arthur closed his eyes in disbelief. But Eliott didn’t find the guy’s action that bad. On the contrary, it helped him relax a little.

“Well, I guess we can be friends, yeah,” he murmured smiling, obviously ignoring Bazile’s hand. But that didn’t stop him from squealing excitedly, and Eliott couldn’t hold himself and burst out laughing. And in a second Lucas joined him.

 

“So Daphne! What is she like? What does she like?”  Bazile was looking at Eliott in anticipation and Eliott felt awkward as he didn’t really know how to help him.

Eliott, Lucas and his friends were sitting at the café during their “bonding time”. That was Bazile’s idea to spend some time together as they needed to know Lucas’ new boyfriend better. Although Eliott was quick to figure that it wasn’t only about Lucas, but also about his obsession with the girls, and with Daphne in particular. Arthur and Yann were clearly unpleased with his behavior but still kept silence. Probably they knew that them saying something to him hardly could change anything.

“I don’t really know her,” Eliott confessed, playing with Lucas fingers which were laying on his lap. That was nice having him so close and not being scared to be affectionate in public. “She loves partying, and she loves attention. I think it is kind of her dream to be a popular girl in the school,” Eliott assumed because he really had nothing more to say.

“That’s why she’s in the group of girls which call themselves losers?” Arthur was surprised.

“Don’t even ask. Seriously,” Eliott smirked. Girls and their relationship was still something mysterious to him. The way they treat each other sometimes… well, that was better to leave it without any comments. Still they always kept together at the end and probably only that mattered.

Eliott’s phone vibrated and Lucas had to shift for him to reach his pocket. As soon as his hand disappeared Eliott felt that he felt an emptiness in that place. Fucking phone.

**[Lucille]**

your parents shared their news  
wanna talk about it?

not really  
but thanks

ok  
but if you change your mind let me know

ok

A good thing about Lucille was that she wasn’t really pushy. Well, at least now. When they were together that was a real agony for them and that’s a miracle that they hadn’t killed each other at the end. Though sometimes Eliott was really close to it. Lucille’s main goal was always to protect him as if his parents have trained her on that. And Eliott had no other desire but run away from it. So, in general, they were struggling. He was always making her suffer and worry, and she constantly irritated him. That was a «hell relationship» as Idriss used to call them and they both were lucky that they’d managed to escape that at the end. But it didn’t change the fact that Lucille still cared. Eliott wasn’t sure whatever it was his parents’ influence or her own nature but Eliott still couldn’t trust her. She always was his parents’ agent in his eyes and even these messages made him remind himself of it.

“Are you alright?” Lucas asked quietly while the boys were discussing whatever they should join Daphne’s group for the renovation of the foyer or not. Bazile clearly supported that thought but Arthur and Yann didn’t look so keen on that idea.

“I’m not sure,” Eliott answered honestly, and that made Lucas frown.

“Is it because of us? Or them?” He pointed to his friends. Eliott saw that Yann noticed their mini-chat but still did nothing to meddle in. On the contrary, he said something controversial to Bazile and that drew away their attention from Eliott and Lucas for a little bit longer.

“No. Not all.” Eliott smiled and reached to Lucas’ hand. “I just got a text from my ex, and I think my parents are trying to reach me through her.”

“That sucks. Sorry.” Lucas whispered and Eliott couldn’t resist but rose Lucas’s hand and pressed it to his lips.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” he said softly and red color splashed all over Lucas’ cheeks. And he looked beautiful.

 

Eliott felt bad because of Emile. He still didn’t feel comfortable with him being with Lucas and Sofiane and Lucas’ friends knowing about them but not Emile. Emile who was Eliott’s best friend and who should have known about it first. He felt bad because he spent almost all day in the company of the boys who he didn’t even know a couple of days ago, not even thinking about his real friend. He felt that there was a real distance between them now and that was exactly the thing which Emile was talking about recently. As much as Eliott didn't want to admit it, something changed between them and that was Eliott’s fault that they couldn’t change it. Still, he knew that he had to try to do something to return their friendship on the track before it all will go down to hell. Eliott didn’t even want to think about the possibility that he could lose his friend soon. The thought was scary. And the possibility of that not happening was minimal. So he decided to enjoy the time they had for now.

At some point he left the boys at the café and leaving Lucas was the hardest thing he's ever done. Once again. He saw it in his eyes that it was the same for him, but he let him go, having promised to call him later. Eliott already couldn’t wait to get this call.

Instead of going straight to home, he wrote to Emile to make sure that he was there.

**[Emile]**

I’ll be at home in a bit  
are you there?

yeah  
I think i need a company atm  
so come faster

Eliott didn’t think twice about his answer, being satisfied with the result. He and Emile hadn’t had a boys night in a while, and Eliott missed that so today was the perfect opportunity to catch up. And Emile cleary thought that way too. So Eliott popped in a local Thai restaurant to order Emile’s favorite rolls just to make him happy for an evening and pasta for himself, though he wasn’t really hungry after café, still, he didn’t want to look suspicious. He knew that there was still beer in their fridge so the problem with that was solved and Eliott finally went home feeling excited about the future evening. He really wanted to make the most of it.

“Hey, I’m back!” Eliott shouted just to report about his arrival while taking off his shoes. It was quiet in the flat. “Guess what? I’ve brought you favorite rolls which are impossible to eat! Seriously, they even smell disgusting!” Eliott expressed his thought on his friend taste, which was so different from his. “Emile?» Eliott went to the living room with the packet in his hands and disgust on his face. Emile was there and when Eliott saw a whole picture, his jaw literally hit the ground.

Emile was sitting on the floor near the sofa with stretched legs and looking at all the stuff, which surrounded him. These were photos, letters and postcards. There were dozens of them, and they all were scattered on the floor. Some of the photos were in Emile’s hand, and he was watching them deadpan. And Eliott didn’t need to come closer to know where all this came from. He’s known the box which was hidden in his room for far too long. And he knew what it consisted of. He really should have thrown it away ages ago.

“Sorry I came into your room without you being there,” Emile said quietly, not even looking at his friend.

“That’s alright,” Eliott breathed out and put the packet on the table. It definitely wasn’t time for it now. “I thought we agreed that I won’t throw away this junk if only you won’t touch it ever again,” Eliott reminded his friend of the deal they've made a year ago. 

“Yeah, I know, but I couldn’t resist. I’m sorry.” Emile’ answer still didn’t explain why he did what he did after keeping himself together for so long. Eliott came forward and sat next to him, moving several photos away and trying to avoid looking at them. He wasn’t sure that he was ready to see what was there.

 

“I’m listening,” he said because now he’s got what really Emile’s message meant. He needed his company for Eliott to hear him out. Though Eliott wasn’t the perfect option for it, especially if it was about the topic Eliott suspected it was about.

“I’ve run into Charlotte today,” Emile said and Eliott’s heart dropped. The mention of Dominic’s mother made him twitch with the pain of memory and guilt. He didn’t hear this name in a while and to be honest he didn’t mind that at all. He would have loved it to keep it that way.

“Ok… and how is she?” Eliott’s voice wavered. Emile would have probably noticed it if he wasn’t too much absorbed in looking at the photo in his hand. It took all of Eliott’s power not to look at it.

“Bad,” Emile answered and his face didn’t express any emotions. That was scary and too familiar for Eliott to see. Emile was always doing it while talking about Dominic, he was blocking himself away. That was a bad sign as it could return his self-destructive mood once again. And nobody wanted that. “I think she’s not handling very well. And she’s looking so much older than her age…I think she still didn’t give up drinking. At least it looks like it.” Emile was talking like a robot to the point that Eliott wanted to shake him a little just for him to come to his senses. But he was too shocked himself for it.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered because there was nothing he could say or do. And these words worked like a miracle as Emile seemingly has woken up and looked at Eliott in panic.

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to upset you over this. I didn’t tell you this because I wanted to make you feel sorry,” he blurted out obviously feeling guilty. Though Eliott was the only one who should have felt it.

“That’s alright. I know it,” he smiled weakly trying to reassure his friend. “Now tell me why are doing this to yourself?” He waved his hands above all the staff on the floor. He knew that it would make Emile only suffer and nothing more.

“I don’t know. But I saw Charlotte and felt guilt. Because I’m really forgetting him now.”

“And that’s for the best. We both know it,” Eliott wanted for Emile to get rid of his stupid ideas. 

“Yeah, but I loved him,” Emile shrugged his shoulders but by the tone of his voice, it wasn’t possible to say whatever that was true or not. He sounded too cold.

“And he’s nearly ruined you. That wasn't love but self-destruction.” Eliott was persistent and cruel but he knew that it was the only way to return his friend to reality. He needed to remember the stuff his ex-boyfriend did no matter what.

“I know, I know…” Emile agreed but that looked more like he wasn’t ready for the fight. He knew he wouldn’t win. “Maybe that’s why I’m doing this. I can’t let myself forget. For a moment I thought that I miss him but then I went through all this and I felt nothing… as if he never existed. As if we didn’t exist. Does it make me a bad guy?” Emile looked at Eliott like a child hoping to get the support he needed so much. And of course, Eliott had to give him that. Especially as all this was partly his fault.

“It means you’re moving on and that’s fine. And I think it’s time to get rid of this junk. You need to let him go,” Eliott said, knowing deep down that it would be probably best for him rather than his friend. He still was the box keeper and that was the weight that was really hard to carry.

“And I’ll do it. I promise!” Emile lied. Eliott’s lost count how many time he’s already heard these words. “But not today, okay? I heard you brought something good for me, right?” He smiled unnaturally, and they both knew that it wasn’t able to fool anyone. Still, Eliott decided against pointing it out. He just smiled at him warmly and nodded his head towards the table. Emile stood up and when to the packet. He left Dominic’s stuff on the floor together with the photo he was holding to a couple of seconds ago. Just for a moment, Eliott caught a glimpse of his features on one it and his cold gray eyes were staring right into Eliott’s. That made him shiver. Eliott took that photo, gasped and tore it apart. Even dead this guy couldn’t leave them alone. And Eliott feared that it would never change.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe it's time for us to know more about Eliott and Emile's past? or not? ;)  
> thank you for reading! <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas sees another side of Eliott.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? I'm alive, yeah! Seriously sorry for the delay but the last month i was super busy but at least i'm free now! Yeah! Hope this chapter was worth of waiting! Enjoy!

It was a common decision to miss school that day. Well, actually, it was a decision which Eliott, Idriss and Sofiane came to and Emile just went along with it. Of course, the reason behind it was obvious to everyone, but they decided against mentioning it because the main idea of that day was to distract Emile and not pay too much unnecessary attention to the distressful theme. And they succeeded with that, having got settled in Sofiane’s house’s garden, playing football, eating pizza and insulting Emile’s (and sometimes Eliott’s) ability to play the game. That was fun. The only thing Eliott regretted was that he's lost his chance to see Lucas in the school and that was tragic as he was dying to see him. Probably, that was pathetic, but who cared? He was happy being pathetic like that.

“It’s like this thing is glued to your hand,” Sofiane pointed to the phone in Eliott’s hands. They were both sitting on the grass while Emile was trying his best to score a goal against Idriss. That was a hilarious thing to watch. And they both were out of the boys’ ears reach so Eliott felt free to speak.

“It’s Lucas,” he said as if it explained everything. Sofiane rolled his eyes at him as he's already figured it out without his help. 

“Is everything alright between you two?” Sofiane asked, playing with the blade of grass in his hand.

“Yes. Well, I think so,” Eliott answered because he didn’t know what Sofiane meant by «alright». Everyone had a different understanding of this world.

“And have you already told him about your state?” That question was the one Eliott certainly didn’t see coming. He straightened up immediately and Sofiane looked at him. Eliott had no need to respond now. The answer has been already written all over his face. “And when are you going to tell him?” Sofiane carried on asking his difficult but necessary questions. Eliott knew that was the topic he couldn’t put off for far too long, but he wanted to try.

“At first I need to speak with Emile,” that wasn’t the answer Sofiane probably wanted to hear but still that was something.

“You don’t trust him with his reaction?” Sofiane clearly came to a wrong conclusion. After the things Lucas told him about his mother Eliott was feeling like he had no right to doubt him but still something was holding him up. And he didn’t want to think about the reason.

“That’s not that. I just want to deal with Emile first,” Eliott lied and Sofiane shook his head in a clear disbelieve, but he kept it to himself.

“And how are you feeling after yesterday? I bet it was hard for you too. To hear about Charlotte,” Sofiane’s voice was filled with concern.

“I don’t matter,” he hissed, hating the fact that he had this attention. They were here for Emile and not for him.

“Stop dramatizing. Emile’s alright and I need to know that you are alright too.” Sofiane didn't leave his eyes of his friend.

“I’m alright,” Eliott lied, and Sofiane nodded his head, having accepted it. He probably knew that he won’t manage to go further than that anyway.

In about half an hour the four of them were together on the ground doing nothing in particular. Idriss was lying looking at the sky with hands over his eyes, which were protecting him from the sunshine. Sofiane's got distracted by his phone and with the corner of his eyes Eliott caught Imane’s name on the screen. A wide smile on Sofiane’ face was proving that it was her he has been chatting with. Emile was sitting right in front of Eliott, and Eliott couldn’t but noticed that for the last few minutes his friend has been looking at him seriously as if he was trying to figure out some puzzle. That made Eliott feel uneasy, but he didn’t dare to address that. If Emile had something on his mind he would say it eventually if it was really important. And in a few minutes Eliott turned out to be right.

“We know that you’ve been smoking,” Emile pronounced finally, keep looking at Eliott. That made Idriss sat down and Sofiane to forget about his phone. «We» clearly implied the three of them but still they obviously didn't expect to hear that. And Eliott was shocked. He knew that that night with Lucas he crossed the line he shouldn’t have crossed but that was one-off and it definitely didn’t affect him in a bad way. And he didn't even suspect that his friends noticed that something's changed. He was a blind fool, and he had no excuse ready, so he remained silent.

“I thought we agreed not to mention it yet!” Idriss hissed confused and that made Eliott realize that they've already had this conversation behind his back. And usually he wouldn’t be happy with that thought, but he couldn’t be offended by it while he was backstabbing his best friend himself. He had no right to judge.

“The sooner we’ll deal with that — the better,” Emile answered as if they really had a problem to sort out. ThoughEliott could understand him and his concern.  Emile more than anyone knew how such actions could affect Eliott’s mind, and he probably didn’t want to risk living through it again especially after meeting with Charlotte.

“That was one time, I swear. I had a bad day and I needed to relax.’ Eliott’s main goal was to make Emile and Idriss believe that they had nothing to worry about. Sofiane partly knew the situation, so he didn’t look so tense, but that was him. Idriss and Emile were clearly bothered by it.

“Mate, is everything alright with you? We can’t ignore the fact that you were acting weird recently,” Idriss said turning his gaze toEliott. AndEliott knew if Idriss was worried about something, then it meant that matter was really serious. “Your mood changes every five seconds. You run away and disappear constantly. You don’t really talk to us. And you know what happened last time when you were at such state…”

“Yeah, I don’t need a reminder, thank you,” Eliott gulped nervously trying not to let in his head the memories of his last episode which turned his and Emile’s live upside down. If he took the path to those memories he would never be able to get away from them. And he was already trapped enough because of them.

“Sorry,” Idriss felt that he said too much as Emile’s face fell. That was the point of that day to forget about those days, but they’ve managed to make it only worse. And Emile was the one who actually started it.

“Eliott, do you take you your pills?” Emile voiced probably his main worry, and Elliott couldn't understand why he addressed that matter now. If he had doubts he could ask him any time, they were still living under the same roof, but he decided to put his friend in the spotlight with Idriss and Sofiane by his sides. He never did that before, Emile knew how insecure Eliott felt talking about stuff like that. Even with his own friends. And it wasn’t even worth mentioning that at that moment he reminded Eliott the people he wanted to think about least. He sounded like his parents.

“Yeah,” Eliott answered bluntly trying to ignore the fact that he was lying. He didn’t do it on purpose, but he forgot about his pills two times. The first time was when he stayed at Lucas’ and the second was this morning. The reason was simple, he was too occupied with the thought of the most important people in his life at the moment. The boy he was helplessly falling in love with and his best mate. Though the motives of the behavior of the last made him question some things. Elliott wasn't sure whatever drug the attention to him because he cared, or he just wanted for them to forget about him for a while. The intuition was pointing to the last and Eliott could feel how anger was rising inside of him. But he couldn’t risk expressing it as he could be wrong, still he couldn’t sit and be interrogated either. He needed an escape. “I need a bathroom.”

He stood up and went to the house, ignoring Emile’s disapproval in his eyes. Of course, Emile knew that Eliott was trying to run away from the discussion of his illness, but he certainly didn’t come to the idea that he was running away from all of them otherwise he would have followed him. Surely. Eliott entered the house and just in a matter of a couple of seconds reached the front door which was leading to the street. When he went away far enough from the house, he pulled out his phone and sent three messages.

[Emile]

_I needed some space so don’t worry_

_I’ll be alright_

[Sofiane]

_stall Emile as long as you can for me_

_I’ll  owe you_

_please_

[Lucas]

_I need you_

 

“So you’re a raccoon?”

Seeing Lucas in his and Emile’s flat was strange before, but watching him walking around Eliott’s room was even more surreal. He was in his gray sweater and blue jeans and, despite brown colors of Eliott’s room, he fitted it perfectly. That was a risky move of Eliott to drag him here, but he just wanted to see what it would be like to have him in his own private place, in the room of his secrets. His room was a really sacred place for him just because nobody could enter it without his permission, even if Eliott was there.  Of course, Emile was an exception. At first, Eliott tried to learn him keep boundaries but the guy didn’t care about such things and Eliott gave up. He trusted him one hundred percent anyway. But Lucas looked so natural here that there were no doubts in Eliott’s mind that he belonged here.

“Yeah, when I was a child I used to draw people as animals. I was a raccoon, Emile— rabbit, Idriss— fox and Sofiane was a panther,” Eliott explained while Lucas was looking at the pictures on his wall paying to each of them special attention which was pleasant for Eliott to see.

“And how do you choose what animal is right? Do you have some principles for that?”

“Well, mostly when I see someone I have an image of an animal which reminds me of the person but there are cases when behavior means a lot. For example, Emile was very active when he was a child. He was always jumpy, energized and always wanted to do something and the fact that he had a real white rabbit as a pet made even easier for me to come up with his spirit animal. And Idriss is very sly actually, you may not notice it straight away but there is some cunningness in him so that was an easy choice too.” Elliott sat on his bed with the bottle of beer in his hand and with his eyes on Lucas’ back.

“And what about a raccoon? What is so special about it?”

Lucas finally turned around and looked at Eliott curiously. Of course, Eliott’s animal interested him far more than Emile and Sofiane’s. But that was harder to explain. It was impossible to explain part of yourself without spilling too much information which you’re not ready to tell. That reminded him of his recent chat with Sofiane and the thought of him still being afraid of telling the truth made him hate himself especially after the way Lucas’s already opened up to him.

“They’re cool,” Eliott answered with a shrug of his shoulders trying to presume the boy that it didn’t matter. He doubted that Lucas would believe it, and he clearly didn’t do it as he looked at him suspiciously but without further questions.

“By the way, I’m planning to talk to Emile tomorrow,” Lucas changed the topic and come closer to Eliottto sit next to him. If it wasn’t for his words Eliott would have probably been occupied with the dream of Lucas staying on this place forever.

“Don’t!” Eliott said too harsh and too loud and that made Lucas jump a little as he clearly didn’t expect this kind of reaction. That was understandable as they discussed this earlier and Eliott didn’t mind the ides but now the situation had changed. “I don’t think he’s in the state of hearing your rejection right now.”

Lucas was looking at Eliott with confusion on his face, and then he straightened up and breathed out frustrated. From his posture that became obvious that Lucas was a little bit tired of this situation despite him agreeing to be patient for Eliott’s sake. AndEliott didn’t blame him for that, he had every right to feel the way he felt and Eliott wanted to punch himself for being so complicated.

“I’m still planning to tell him the truth after his birthday, I promise,” he moved closer to him and leaned his forehead to the back of his back. “But something’s happened yesterday and that would be hard for him to hear another bad news from you. That’s all.” He really wanted for Lucas to understand, but he knew that chances were minimal.

“I just want him to hear my part of the story of me. I don’t want him to think later that it's all because of you, he needs to see that we’re not meant to be anyway and that I can’t change the way I feel towards him. That would be fair to all of us,” Lucas expressed his disappointment and once again Eliott was amused that even in this situation he cared how it could affect Eliott in the perspective. He really didn’t deserve the boy, but he wasn’t ready to let him go, so he owed him at least a little bit of truth.

“His boyfriend died one year ago, and he met his mother yesterday,” that wasn’t the best way to start a conversation but that’s got Lucas’ attention as he turned his head back immediately with shock written all over his face.

“Oh God, that’s awful,” he whispered sincerely. “How did it happen?”

That question was dangerous in every possible way. Everyone who was one way or another connected to the story had his own opinion on what’s happened that day and that certainly didn’t make the explanation of the situation easier. Some people called it karma [ _«Scumbag deserved all the shit he got!»],_ others considered it as fate [« _There’re things which we sometimes can’t run away from_.»], there were people who were screaming about a murder [“ _He was in the right state, somebody certainly led him to his grave_!”] and the most common version was a tragic accident [« _Poor boy, he was so young and innocent_!»].

“A car accident.” Eliott chose the last version as it was the simplest one of them. And thankfully Lucas had no reason to think that there was something shifty in his answer. Car accidents were a usual thing in Paris, there was nothing to suspect there. ThoughEliott already felt bad for not being able to tell the whole truth. For not being strong enough to do that. “His name was Dominic.” Eliott didn’t know why, but he added that piece of information.

“Was it serious between them?” Lucas asked with the voice filled with clear sympathy for Emile and his ex. Eliott wondered would it be the same if the boy knew what was really happening behind the façade of their relationships. He’d probably hate Dominic as much as Eliott did, but it wasn’t his story to share.

“Yeah, kind of,” Eliott’s answer was vague enough to raise more questions, but what he could say about the part of Emile’s life which’s almost ruined them? Still, he had an undying urge to make Lucas not to feel sad for the person who didn’t deserve that. “Dominic was a bad man. A really bad man.” By the look on Lucas’ face that was obviously not something he expected to hear. “He made us all a favor when he died.”

“Eliott!” Lucas exclaimed indignantly as if he couldn’t believe his ears. “The guy is dead. It’s not right to say things like that!” That was an absolutely stupid position to believe in and Eliott chuckled.He suspected that it didn’t make him any favors either. The sound he expressed was vile and Lucas moved away the second it was out. “What is so funny? You tell me that your friend is suffering because he met the mother of his dead boyfriend and now you’re laughing because of his death! What is it about?” The way he looked at him now was something new. The mixture of confusion, disapproval and pure disappointment on his face was too obvious to Eliott not to notice and that made his skin crawl. He saw this glance before, and he wasn’t ready for the repetition of the story. That was a mistake to start this conversation.

“Let’s just forget about it alright?” Eliott tried to shake the feeling of upcoming vomit coming to his throat. He was stronger than that now. He can’t let his sick mind win this round.

“No!” Lucas wasn’t one who was ready to give up so easily. And right now the quality Eliott adored only hours ago made Eliott’s blood boil with anger. “You can’t start saying something so weird and switch the topic like nothing’s happened!”

“But nothing’s happened! Emile had a bad boyfriend, he died, and sometimes Emile is sad because of this scum who didn’t deserve such an honor! That’s nothing but true!” If only Eliott was wise enough to change his tune and admit his fault then everything would have been already sorted out by now, but he was better than that. He knew the story, he was right and Lucas certainly had no right to argue with him on the topic. “I just ask you not to speak with him, that’s all. He’ll know the truth from me soon anyway, so what’s the point of upsetting him now?”

“Eliott, you are not listening. I want to do it for myself and you! And that would be better for him to…”

“You have no idea what’s better for him!” Eliott shouted out and that made Lucas jumped out of the bed. And it took him only a couple of seconds to realize what’s just happened. Lucas was scared and the worst part was that he was looking at him as if it was the first time he ever saw him. AndEliott knew that it was exactly the case. Lucas’ saw another side of Eliott which he was trying to hide but that obviously wasn’t enough, that was part of Eliott’s nature after all. The dark and violent one. The one Lucas clearly wasn’t ready for. And Eliott wasn’t ready to see what his reaction on it would be like, so he decided for him to end this now. Just to spare them both of this misery.

“I think you better leave.” He said with all his seriousness. It took Lucas a couple of minutes for Eliott’s words to sink in. The fright on his face was fast replaced by the shock and then followed a sorrow, but he didn’t begin to argue. Avoiding Eliott’s gaze he shook his head, took his things and left the room. The minute Eliott’s heard a shut of the door he began laughing. He was laughing at himself. At the fact that he truly believed that there was someone who was ready to accept all the craziness in him. He was laughing at his naivety and stupidly. He was laughing because for a second he truly believed that he could be loved. But he was nothing more but a joke. And he was laughing, laughing and laughing until his face hurt, and he could hold his tears anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... i have nothing to say really, lol  
> but i'll be more than happy to hear your opinion on this!  
> thank you for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emile knocks some sense into Eliott's head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's still reading and specially thank you everyone who's leaving comment! You're the best! And i want you to know that you make my writing experience so much better! Thank you!

Eliott didn’t remember falling asleep. But by the number of empty bottles in his bed and dreadful headache in the morning he could easily guess what exactly led him to sleep. Usually, Eliott wasn’t the type who used to get wasted just because of another upset, but last night was one these little exceptions. Even on the sober head, Eliott knew that there was no way for him to deal with his heartache and he lost himself a little. He knew that it was a terrible idea to mix his medicine with so much alcohol, but one time couldn’t hurt, especially when he’s already been broken.

He didn't even know how he managed to pull himself together and limp his way to the kitchen for the glass of water, and this way has never been so long. Every step reminded him of every extra sip he made yesterday. Every twitch of his body and the pain rushing from the head down to his toes were showing how bad it was to listen to your heart and not your head. But still, there were no regrets.

A sip of cold water gave Eliott a second breath just for a couple of seconds before pain returned. He knew that there was a first aid hidden somewhere in the flat, but he physically couldn't make himself to make too many moves, so he just fell on the chair, having closed his eyes and holding a glass in his hand tight.

He began to remember some of the details of his pitty evening in the surroundings of his tears, beer and self-pity. Quite an embarrassing sight it probably was. He also remembered staring at his phone for hours; he really hoped that he hadn't made any stupid calls and haven't sent some soppy messages that evening. Of course, it would be wiser for him to check his story immediately, but the distance between his phone and him was too much to overcome at the moment. That also could be said about his drawing. There was a strong memory of how he was drawing something that night, but everything else was too blurred to figure what that was about. The painting probably was still somewhere in the room, but it could wait as he really wasn’t sure what his imagination could come up with. Considering his state of mind, it could be everything. He hoped that he was smart enough not to post it anywhere, but he didn’t really trust Eliott from that evening. What could be worse than a drunken heartbroken man? Right, nothing.

“You look like death and probably stink.”

Ok, probably there was something worse. Slowly Eliott opened his eyes and tried to fix them on Emile who was standing at the door looking unsatisfied as fuck. That was a predictable reaction from him on Eliott’s mini-party, though Eliott wasn’t really ready to deal with consequences. Luckily for Emile, he had no choice as his whole body was still struggling with existence.

“Why are you not in school?” Eliott tried to sound casual, but that wasn’t the voice but rattle came out of his mouth. He made another sip of water.

“I didn't want to come back and find a dead body in your room, so I decided to stay and make sure that you’re still breathing. I still doubt it by the way.” He went to the oven and put the kettle on. Mentally Eliott was trying to prepare himself to the interrogation, though his brain’s been failing in functioning. “You are going to have troubles because of all of your absences. You’re aware of it, right?” Emile wasn’t looking at him, but his tone was quite patronizing, and Eliott wished he had enough power to run away from this conversation for now.

“I really can’t care about it at this moment,” Eliott groaned. In his head, he was considering what were his chances to make Emile bring him some painkillers and the possibility of it was quite minimal, so he had no other option but suffer.

“And what do you care about?” Emile still sounded calm, but Eliott knew him too well to let his act fool him. In reality, he was angry and probably disappointed, but he figured that screaming wasn’t a varian, so he chose another path of dealing with it and partly Eliott was grateful. He wasn’t fit for any heat-full conversations.

“I’m not in the state for your puzzles, so ask what you want to ask. Let’s just deal with it.”

Emile didn’t say anything on this. Instead, he got his phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants, found something there, and put it on the table right in front of Eliott. It took him a couple of moments to concentrate his gaze on the display and figure out that he was looking at the Instagram page. At his own page. At his last post to be more concrete. The problem was he didn’t remember posting it. But when he saw that it'd been posted at 01.23 p.m. he had no questions left. His fears came true. He drew something and posted it online; he was glad that at least he didn’t tag anyone though he clearly had a reason to do that. The drawing was simple, just two girls sitting on the bed with one laying her head on the shoulder of another girl who was holding the joint and the smoke was high above them which was forming the words _«In another universe. I promise»._

“And why are you showing me this?” Eliott asked visibly indifferent though he was burning out inside. The drawing had too deep meaning for him and that was hard not to break up in front of his friend, but he had no other choice but keep himself together.

“Drop the act, Eliott!” Emile was irritated, and he didn’t hide the fact anymore. That was so much better than seeing him playing cool. “Just admit it! You’re in love!”

That wasn’t the thing Eliott expected to hear at the moment, but he clearly could understand where it came from. His behavior didn’t make him any favors, and Emile wasn’t the stupid one. The only emotion Eliott felt at the moment was the confusion as he had no idea what path he should take. He could ignore the fact and laugh at his friend. If Eliott’s lucky enough, Emile’ll believe it. Or he could admit the truth and tell him everything because it was something inevitable anyway. Though he still had a hangover and wasn’t mentally ready to deal with all the consequences. And he couldn’t see Emile being gentle with him after that.

“Is it necessary to talk about it now?” He didn’t deny and didn’t admit anything either. He hoped he still had a chance to get away with it.

“Yes. It’s necessary! You may have run away yesterday, but I’m not letting you do this now.” In a matter of second Emile calmed down again, pouring a coffee in his mug. He looked at Eliott as if asking whatever he wanted one, but Eliott just shook his head. Water was fine with him. “I get that maybe you want to keep it a secret but...” Emile sat at the table with the cup in front of him. “I can’t help but worry. I’ve already told you how much your drinking, skipping school and smoking worries me and the state I saw you yesterday was some scary shit! You were crying, and you were literally drowning in your own snot. What the fuck was that? What’s happened?”

“Ok.” Eliott gave in a little just to lift a bit of pressure off his shoulders. Maybe it would be better for him to tell Emile the truth by parts. Maybe Emile will have a chance and time to proceed and accept it better that way. Eliott was grasping at straws here. “There’s someone. But I won’t tell you who it’s.” Eliott warned Emile, and the guy nodded his head in acceptance of his position. “It’s a boy.” Eliott knew that for Emile it didn’t really matter, but still, he wanted to clear the fact right from the start. “And I really like him, but I’ve managed to fuck it all up, so it doesn’t really matter now.”

“What exactly happened?”  
  
The events of yesterday’s evening still felt raw and painful. The moment of Eliott’s panic cost him the best thing which has happened with him in years. He seriously let his fear took Lucas away from him, and the realization of it came to him too late. He was the one who told Lucas to go. Nobody made him do that. And Lucas did what he wanted from him. And probably there was no way of him returning now.   
  
“I had to let him go, so he didn’t have to deal with my misery life.” That probably was the most honest answer he could give. “He doesn’t know about my bipolarity, and I decided not to mess his head with all the troubles. He doesn't deserve it.”  
  
“Eliott!” There were a pitty and disapproval in Emile’s voice. That was no surprise. Sofiane didn’t get that either. Emile couldn’t have been an exception. “You can't do stuff like that. You can’t decide what the best for people is not asking for their opinions first. We’ve discussed that before, and you know what I think. You can’t shut people up like that! You have no right!” Emile still managed to keep his coolness, but at the same time, he sounded so cold that it sent a shiver down Eliott’s spine. That topic was a touchy subject for both of them. “Does he like you?”  
  
Eliott never understood how people could ask questions like that. And how people could answer this question. There was no way to get in somebody’s head to know what the person feels despite all his sweet words and gestures. And if the person thinks that he can answer it, he’s lying and not to the people but himself. So that was a tricky question, and Eliott hated Emile for asking that.

“I like him. A lot. And it seems like that he’s having a good time with me. Well, that was until I fucked it up yesterday.” Eliott didn’t give a straight answer, but he gave Emile enough information to continue their conversation.

“Was he here yesterday?” He asked, intrigued, and Eliott nodded his head. “And does Sofiane know?” Eliott nodded once again. “Well, it explains why he was so desperate to have me in his house. You know that I ended up dancing with him at the end?” Emile chuckled though he didn’t really look like he was having fun. And Eliott could guess the reason.

“I didn’t want to tell you in case if it meant nothing. I didn’t want to tell anyone. Sofine’s just saw us together. I didn’t put him before you, actually I wanted to tell you a couple of days later.” He didn’t say aloud that there was probably nothing to tell about now.

“I’m not going to pretend that I’m not hurt that you’re hiding things from me, but I’m not going to hold a grudge against you either. It’s your life, after all. I just want to know what’s happened and if there is something I can do to help.” Emile just proved that he was too good friend for Eliott who just wanted to help him though he was clearly offended and Eliott didn’t even have guts to tell him the whole truth which he deserved.

“I had a little episode yesterday. Nothing too serious, just an angry outburst but that was enough to scare the boy off. If only you could see his face… he didn’t saw me at that moment, he saw a total stranger, and that was probably right. He did himself good having gotten rid of me.”

“Oh, don’t give me this self-pity speech! It’s bullshit, and you know it better than me! Do you remember what you said to me when I was afraid as fuck to open up to my parents?” Emile stared at him with a clear expectation to hear the answer, but the fact was Eliott didn’t really remember exact words he said. Probably that was something supportive that helped his friend to finish with his coming-out process, but too many things have happened since then.

“I can’t even remember my name at the moment,” Eliott chuckled trying to avoid giving a straight answer. Emile rose his eyebrows at him, and Eliott only could shrug his shoulders.

“You told me to tell them to go fuck themselves if they won’t accept me the way I’m,” Emile reminded, and something similar came up in Eliott’s head.

“I don’t see the connection here,” Eliott admitted because that was two different situations.

“The connection is I was afraid to be rejected by my parents, and that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to tell them the truth. And now you’re afraid to be rejected by this boy too, so you keep silently pushing him away on the way,” Emile was talking to Eliott as if he was a little boy who couldn’t get the simplest rule in the grammar book. He could have been offended by it if only his words weren’t right. “I know that’s hard, but it’s even harder to watch you’re ruining yourself like that. Talk to him, explain yourself, let him ask questions and give him all the answers he needs. If he doesn't stay for that – fuck him, you deserve better, and you find better. If he stays, then that this something between you two really means something. So in the end, any result will benefit you, whatever you admit it now or not.”

"You sound like Sofiane,” Eliot noted because he was sure that he’s already heard all this before. But this time it was his best friend talking to him, and the meaning of his words seemed so much more profound.

“Because it’s obvious, Eliott. And if anyone else would be in your position, it would be exactly the thing you would tell this person,” Emile smiled at him. “Just write to him.” He winked, and Eliott thought that maybe he still had a chance after all.

 

It turned out that thinking about writing to Lucas and actually doing it was two different things. In his head, Eliott imagined all the possible ways their conversation could go to. In some of them, Lucas forgave him straight away, in other Lucas was stubborn but still gave him a chance and there were some imaginations where Lucas was ignoring him. Probably the thought about the possibility of the last one happening in reality was the reason which was putting Eliott off with his intentions. He remembered Emile’s words, but that didn’t make him any less scared. Lucas meant too much to accept the thought about losing him for good. That’s why Eliott was picking up his phone and throwing it on the bed again a thousand times. When he opened the chat, he didn’t know how to start. He had no idea about what he should say to make his last night behavior less idiotic

[Lucas]

_Hi_

That was his first attempt, and he deleted it. He threw away his phone for ten minutes.

_I’m an idiot_  
I know  
I’m sorry

That wasn’t as bad as it could be, but Eliott couldn’t but felt that it sounded too childish and he deleted it again.

The next half an hour he didn’t touch his phone. However, the thought of the unfinished business didn’t leave him not for a moment.

_I miss you._

That was the truth, and Eliott nearly pushed «sent» but something has stopped him. That still wasn’t it. That still wasn’t the point. He couldn’t write to the person that he was missing him after having thrown him out the other day. That would be stupid and weird. Eliott deleted the words once again.

_We need to talk_

That was his final variant. That wasn't about the emotions or his feelings. They had to deal with the situation, and Eliott had to be an adult to do that right. He finally pushed «sent».

He didn’t get the answer until the very late evening. By this time he’s already managed to fall asleep five times, cursed the world three times and wished to die at least once. And all this time his thoughts were with his phone even when Idriss and Sofiane came to them asking a lot of questions about their absence at school and deciding to stay overnight at the end. Cause that’s such a great idea to wake up together on Emile’s birthday, right? Eliott certainly didn’t think so, so he made up a non-existent illness and decided to have an early night. The boys didn’t argue, he probably really looked awful. On Emile’s side, he didn’t say a word about their conversation from earlier and Eliott was grateful. He had no news to share anyway. He left his friends in favor of his bed and the phone which had dozens of notifications but not the one he needed.

He woke up at night having unbearable thirst in his throat but his first move was to reach his phone. That was something unintentionally, but he’s probably made a habit out of it after grabbing it every five minutes during the day. The light of the screen blinded him for a second, and he groaned of the pain. He should have been smarter than that, but it was too late to think about that. To focus his eyes on one point was harder than he wanted it to be, and the pain which was still banging in his head didn’t make the process any easier. He was on the verge of giving up when for a slight moment, everything went in focus, and he saw the name which was worth of all these struggles. Lucas answered him.

The anticipation took over him, and his fingers were trembling, but he didn’t hurry with opening the chat. He wasn’t even sure whatever it was a great idea to see the boy’s respond now, at night. He could write anything there. Eliott could see something that could disturb his sleep forever and make him the most miserable guy on the planet who brought it to himself. But not reading it wasn’t a better option either cause there was no way he could fell asleep now having in mind the unread message on his phone. Never in his life he wanted and didn’t want to do something at the same time.

Having stared at his screen for a good five minutes, he took a deep breath and opened it trying to make himself believe that he was one hundred percent ready to accept any Lucas’ decision. What a lie! He was prepared to die at the slightest sign of rejection. Luckily he didn’t see any.

[Lucas]

_Ok_

_But not now_

_I think I need some time_

That wasn’t the ideal answer, but that was enough for Eliott to breath out relieved. He didn’t reject him. Not straight away anyway. And that was enough. He just needed time, and that was Ok. Eliott was ready to give him any time in the world as long as he still had a chance.

He returned to his sleep with a small smile on his lips, having completely forgotten about his thirst which’s woken him up at the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no spoilers here but be ready to the next chapter... ;)  
> please don't forget about the kudos and comments!  
> thank you for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Emile!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, guys, I'm super nervous about the chapter because that's bigger than others and so much more important and I changed it in my head thousand times before I even started writing it and now I'm quite please with the result and I just hope that you'll be satisfied too! Enjoy!

Since the morning, the day was filled with noise. With the loud and irritating noise which was coming out from every room of Eliott's flat. Starting with the buzzing of Emile's phone because suddenly all his relatives remembered his existence, and ending with the notorious «Happy Birthday» song which had been sung by Sofiane and Idriss, both being tone deaf. Eliott didn't have it in him to join the company so till the last possible second he stayed in his room trying to ignore any signs of life around him. He still felt sore, and any memories from the past two days were making his heart ache. Eliott would rather spend all his day in bed, but when he heard a loud knocking at the door, he knew that it was the time for him to go out and put on a happy face just for Emile. It was his day after all.

"Happy Birthday, bro!" He smiled warmly at his friend and hugged him.

"Thanks." Emile was more than happy to come into his embrace, tapping him on the back. "And I thought you'd hide there forever," he added and winked at him. Eliott brushed the idea off with his laughter, though it didn't sound that bad. He didn't mind staying in the comfort of his room forever. At least he won't make anyone suffer like that.

Noise level together with the level of Eliott's irritation increased at school. The boys became even more vocal with their celebration, and all the school decided that Emile was everybody's friend and assumed that it was their duty to come and congratulate him personally. Usually, Eliott had no problem with such thing as Emile was an outgoing guy and that was no surprise that so many people wanted to share the moment with him. But today all that seemed so fake that Eliott had some troubles with swallowing it and moving on.  Every approach of the stranger, though they shared the same school, send a shiver down Eliott's spine, and he felt like vomit was coming to his throat.  He wasn't stupid not to recognize the anxiety which was taking over him, so he did his best to stay away from the crowd trying to attract as little attention as it was only possible.

"Are you alright?" Sofiane asked him, probably having noticed the oddness of his behavior.

"I will be," Eliott promised, and Sofiane gave him a concerned look. He didn't ask any more questions, but since then he tried not to leave Eliott's side all the time they were together. That was nice of him. And Eliott was glad that it was Sofiane who took notice of his state and not Emile. He couldn't ruin that day for him.

But Sofiane couldn't accompany Eliott to all his lessons, so there were times when they parted. Unluckily for Eliott, his first lesson was with Emile, who couldn't stop talking about all the birthday wishes and calls he's got. That was a zone of danger for Eliott as any, even the slightest misstep from his side could catch Emile's eye and make him ask questions, so he thought very carefully even when he wanted just to move his finger. He smiled when Emile was turning to him, nodded his head when Emile's words clearly were aiming approval and asked insignificant questions about every piece of information he managed to make out of Emile's mouth. That was enough for Emile to keep going. But that was exhausting for Eliott. By the end of the lesson, he felt like skipping school again but decided against it. He needed to act normal.

The next two lessons went a lot calmer as Eliott was alone and that gave him a perfect opportunity to spend his break outside on the bench while everyone was gathering in the canteen. He couldn't even imagine handling a crowd like that, so it was best for everyone if he kept his distance coming up with some lame excuse later. He wasn't hungry anyway. And the weather was moody and rainy, so there were minimal people outside, and that was a great advantage for him.

"You know that your friends and mine are drinking water in Emile's honor now? That's dead embarrassing," Yann appeared out of nowhere and sat next to Eliott. "But the birthday boy doesn't share their enthusiasm as his best friend was missing."

"I just needed a bit of fresh air," Eliott said in his defense.

"I told them that Mrs. Jones hold your back, asking to help her with dragging all the equipment from her old class. I heard she needed it earlier," Yann surprised Eliott with his words. He looked at him puzzled, having no idea why the guy bothered to cover up for him. "I saw you are sneaking out of school and when the subject of you was brought up, I came up with the first thing which came on my mind. You're getting good at that when your friend is Lucas Lallemant. I'm the master of excuses," Yann chuckled, and Eliott smiled at him gratefully. Probably he really was a good friend.

"And Lucas isn't at school today, right?" That wasn't Eliott's intention to start talking about the boy, but Yann was the first who mentioned him. He just couldn't resist now. And the thought that someone was missing from their company all day long couldn't leave Eliott alone. He was dangerously close to writing to Lucas. Luckily he managed to stop himself.

"Yeah, he needed to take a day off. I would tell you the reason, but it will be better if he will do that," Yann said, and Eliott laughed, trying to hide his frustration. Yann looked at him thoughtfully. "I know about your troubles. He told me everything," he admitted.

"Well, then you know that there is no chance for him to speak with me ever again," Eliott shook his head sadly, ignoring the small part of him that believed that Lucas' necessity of time could bring something positive for him. At night he clearly was more positive about the situation, but in the morning he made himself look at it with a sober eye. It's never a good thing when a person asks for some time. Usually, it means that he just doesn't have the right words to tell you to fuck off once and for all. Eliott didn't doubt that Lucas will find them eventually if he was wise enough to take his safe exit out of it.

"If I thought that there is no chance for you, I wouldn't be sitting here right now, right?" Yann made a fair point, but Eliott refused to cling up to that.  Yann was just a generally good guy. He probably felt sorry for Eliott, nothing more. Still, there was a possibility that he knew more about Lucas's state of mind to say things like that, but that was too far-fetched to believe in it.

"He needed some time, so I presume it's better for me to leave him alone and not discuss him behind his back," Eliott supposed as he didn't feel right talking about Lucas with Yann while he had no idea in what status their relationships were now. Yann was Lucas' best friend after all, and Eliott didn't want to ruin that special bond and trust which clearly existed between them with his interference.

"Sounds wise," Yann nodded his head in agreement. "And I really think that you need to go to the boys. You're not doing yourself any favors sitting here and whining about, believe me." Yann stood up and tapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm coming," Eliott promised, and Yann went towards back to school having left the guy alone.  Eliott took a couple of deep breaths and followed him, hoping that's he's strong enough to go through it.

 

The buzz of the day didn't leave Eliott at home. Idriss and Sofiane still were there ready for the party, and Lucas's gang was on their way except for one thing: nobody knew whatever Lucas himself would come or not. He was a hot topic at the canteen and remained to be it at the flat with Idriss and Emile discussing him non-stop.  That was making Eliott's blood boil, hands shaking and his heart was beating faster with every mention of Lucas' name. No to mention that Emile continually saying how much he wanted to see his beautiful angelic face while he had no idea what really meant missing Lucas Lallemant. The whole state of a broken and beaten-up-like guy in which was Eliott was screaming about missing Lucas and not Emile's smiles and bright eyes which were nothing but a sight of happiness he felt at the moment.

"I still think if there was something so vital that he missed the school, then that's unlikely that he would come today, sorry pal," Idriss concluded their discussion about whatever it was worth waiting for him or not.

"Well, I'm not giving up yet. Yann said that there is still a chance. I just have a good feeling about tonight." Emile remained absolute positive, and Eliott wanted to hide somewhere not to hear his best friend's dreaming about something that would never happen. Even if it was over between him and Lucas Eliott highly doubted that Emile had any chance. Lucas made his feeling clear. They argued because of that.

Everything was almost ready for their mini-party: booze, food and some hemp which gave them earlier Arthur. God knows where he got it from, but nobody asked as it wasn't really interesting for anyone. The guys were due to come at any minute, and while everyone was excited, Eliott wanted to call it a night and just to be left alone. But of course, he couldn't do that. He still had to a present to give, and he hoped that at least it will something that would remind Emile of what they shared when he'll find out the truth about him and Lucas. Even though Eliott still wasn't sure whatever he would be able to reveal the secret.

"I still remember about our deal," Sofiane said quietly as if he read his friend's thoughts. He became too good at that.

Eliott felt cold capturing his whole body. The entire day he was trying to ignoring the thought of what was coming, but Sofiane didn't give him the opportunity to enjoy his temporary denial. He had to ruin it.

"So kind of you to remind me of me losing my best friend. Thank you!" Eliott said sarcastically clutching his teeth.

"I'm not the bad guy here, Eliott. That would be best for everyone, believe me," Sofiane tried to excuse his constant attempt of meddling in other people's life. Clearly, that was the absence of his own private life speaking for him.

"OMG!" Emile squealed happily running in the living room from the kitchen with the phone in his hand. "He's coming! Lucas's coming! Basile's just posted the photo of four of them together! I knew it! Today is the day! I know that!"

Emile was showing his friends a picture over which he was so excited about, and Eliott did his best to avoid looking at it. The thought about Lucas coming here was enough for his mind going crazy and forehead covering with sweat. He felt his whole body was trembling. If Lucas was coming here, then it probably meant one thing: he made his decision. And Eliott wasn't ready to hear it yet. He believed that he wouldn't like that. And he was scared.

"I'm not feeling too well. I think I need a little bit of fresh air." He stood up from the sofa and brought all his friends' attention on himself.

"Fuck, mate, your face is so pale!" Idriss exclaimed concerned examining his features.

"It's just too stuffy in here," Eliott said, trying to get rid of the worries of his mates. "Five minutes outside and I'll be alright." He smiled at them and went to the door.

"Wanna I come with you?" Emile asked, having forgotten about all his excitement from earlier.

"Nah, thanks." Eliott refused, and Emile looked at him with narrowed eyes. Still, he left it, and Eliott went off.

He didn't remember coming downstairs, but he knew that he was running and his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. He was counting from one to ten to control his breathing but with every step that more and more harder to do. He felt as if someone grabbed his lungs and was squeezing them for him to start choking and gasping for air. He didn't remember how he ended up on the street, but he remembered his shaking hand on the door handle and small threshold over which he stumbled over. That was a miracle that he managed to keep his balance and stayed on his feet while his eyes were blurring everything in front of him. He never felt so fragile in his life. He was literally falling apart, and he had no idea how to get his pieces together.

A rush of fresh air hit him in the face, and Eliott took a deep breath and let it out in an attempt to let go of the dreading feeling which was building inside of him. And that worked but just for a moment because he's heard a loud noise to his right. And that wasn't just noise but a laugher of the boys which he heard so many time in the school. Lucas' gang were coming towards him, and he didn't know where to hide from them. And that probably wouldn't be so awful for him if only there weren't the most beautiful sound of laughter among the group. Lucas was there together with his friends, having fun while Eliott was dying of his anxiety the reason of which was that blue-eyed boy.

"Eliott, mate! Hi!" Bazile was the first who called out for him, and the only task for Eliott was to avoid looking at the company. He knew that if only he saw a slight glimpse of Lucas, he would lose his head completely. And he couldn't let it happen as he still had to get upstairs and celebrate with his best mate his birthday.

"Hi, guys! Everyone's upstairs so you can go up. I'll join you in sec." He knew that not to looking at any of them would look weird, so he turned his head a little and focused his eyes on Arthur, who was the closest to him.

"And what are you doing here?" The blond guy asked, and Eliott wanted to groan as it was a really unnecessary question.  He put his hands in the pockets and clenched them into fists as it was the only thing which helped him to keep it cool.

"Just needed some fresh air," he shrugged his shoulders. "You go! Go upstairs, and I'll be in a couple of minutes!"  Once again, he tried to rush them off to the flat.

"Are you alright?" That was a Yann's voice.

"Yeah, you look terrible." Bazile agreed with his friend.

"Yeah, we can call for Emile or Idriss or Sofiane if you want?" Arthur suggested as if Eliott hadn't just run away from the boys in flat.

"Nah, I'm totally fine, don't worry." Eliott tried not to think of the tears which were coming to his eyes at the thought that it seemed like everybody was worried about him but not the one person he really needed it from. Lucas was the only one who kept silent. Probably that spoke louder than any words. "Just go and start to celebrate for god's sake!" He exclaimed and turned his back on four of them. He hurried to hide at the corner. At the corner where he found Lucas once.  It seemed like the whole lifetime has passed since then.

Eliott leaned his forehead on the wall of the building, listening. He heard how the boys were whispering about something for a few seconds and a loud bang of the closing door followed shortly after that. A few more seconds Eliott listened to the sounds of his surroundings, and when he made sure that nobody was around, he let himself go. The tears were streaming uncontrollably down his face, and he leaned his hands on the wall what was helping him to stand on his feet while one sob was following another one.  He tried no to think of how sad, pity, and weak he looked right now. He felt one hundred times worse anyway and he if he was a failure then there was nothing he could do to change that. The whole world could saw him for all he cared. The most important person wanted to do nothing with him anymore, so what was the point of bothering now?

Lucas. Despite the obvious rejection from the boy's side and the pain which this thought was causing to his heart he still couldn't but smile through his tears having remembered his beautiful face, ocean-colored eyes, and a smile which could brighten the whole planet. For a couple of moments, this image became his anchor but not for a long as his mind so cruelly reminded him of where the boy was. Now he couldn't get away from thoughts of Lucas hanging out at his flat with his mates, drinking beer, smoking weed, laughing at stupid jokes of Bazile or Idriss and having the best time of his life. And Emile. Emile was there too. And he was probably lingering around the boy, giving him looks and all kind of comments in which Emile was so good at. Who knows, maybe it'd make Lucas reconsider his views over his relation to Emile. Perhaps it'd make him give him a chance...

At the thought, Eliott clenched his hands and gritted his teeth. He shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the image of Lucas and Emile being together, but it only made his agony worse. There was no way he could return in the flat now. Whatever was happening now, Eliott was not ready to face it and probably never will be. He needed to escape. But he didn't trust himself to be alone; he needed temporary shelter and a person who can deal with him for a while. Lucile. The girl surely can't be trusted, but he can work on her just to make her keep quiet for a couple of days. It was all he needed. A couple of days away from all the fuss.

He reached for the phone in his pocket, but his hands were trembling too much to hold it in one hand. The noise of metal hitting the ground made Eliott jump and groan at his inability to make the easiest task. He was a lost case now. Reaching for his phone, Eliott figured that all his energy had been taken out of him by that day and he helplessly fall on his knee.  The desire of calling anyone disappeared the moment he reached the cold ground, and all the thoughts made an escape out his head. He closed his eyes and was doing nothing. Maybe this kind of piece could help him feel better. He didn't know, but he hoped. He had no other options.

Eliott didn't know how long he was sitting like that when he felt like something landed on his shoulders, and someone sat right in front of him. A jacket was on him now. Someone's hands wrapped his face, and a warm breath on his skin made him come back to reality again. Or maybe not. Maybe it was all his imagination playing games with him again. He didn't dare to open his eyes. He didn't dare to think who was right in front of him. But the person revealed himself.

"I'm so sorry," Lucas' whisper echoed in his ears, and he had no doubts now that it all was an illusion. "I was stupid. I'm sorry." The voice appeared again, and Eliott felt pain at the nails digging in his hands. It could remind him of reality, but he knew that couldn't be happening.

"Don't..." he whispered back wishing the life wouldn't be so cruel on him.

"Eliott, open your eyes, please! Look at me!" 'Lucas' pleaded and by the sound of his voice that was clear that he was crying, but Eliott couldn't give in. The second he opens his eyes, it all will disappear, and he will be left alone again. "Please, Eliott! Just talk to me!" 'Lucas' tried once again and leaned his forehead on Eliott's. And suddenly it felt too real. But Eliott didn't get a chance to reflect on that as another voice appeared.

"What the fuck guys?!" That was Sofiane and Lucas' hand immediately disappeared of Eliot's face. "Emile's on the verge of coming downstairs and checking what's going on here! For the couple who's trying to keep their relationship a secret you're attracting too much attention!"

Finally, Eliott opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was Lucas, who was standing on his knees in front of him exactly like him. His head was turned to Sofiane, standing a little bit further and watching at them angrily. But that wasn't only that...

"Emile," Elliott whispered and gulped as another figure appeared behind Sofiane's back.

"Yeah, Emile!" Sofiane exclaimed. "The guy whose birthday we're celebrating today. The guy who's dead nervous because his best friend went away god knows where. And guess what? The boy he likes comes in and then just takes off with no explanations. How do you think that makes him feel?!" Sofina continued rattle being no aware of the way the situation changed in a couple of seconds.

"I think he feels like a real fool," Emile answered the question, and Sofiane's face froze in panic.

Suddenly powers came back in Eliott's body, and he jumped out on his feet and rushed to his best mate. He heard the noise of Lucas standing on too, and he hated ignoring him like that, but Emile was his priority right now.

"Emile, I can explain it!" He said, having laid his hands on the guy's shoulders.

"Oh, Eliott, dear, there is no need! I think I already know what you're going to say!" Emile answered, and Eliott couldn't miss a vile spark in his eyes. "That wasn't you, right? That's all your head!" He pointed his finger to Eliott's temple and tapped on it. "Poor little Eliott couldn't control his actions. Again." He pronounced in a false sympathetic manner. The coldness of his voice made Eliott's skin shiver. "You know what? Fuck you!" He added harshly and pushed him away hard enough for Eliott to fall, but luckily Sofiane was close to catch him.

"No, Emile, listen...!" Eliott protested and took another attempt to reach to his friend. "I swear I can explain!"

"I'm fed up with your constant pity excuses and explanations Eliott!" Emile cried out. "It's all the same every fucking time!  How convenient that you have a perfect excuse for everything! You can't be happy; you can't love, so you decided to ruin other people's lives too, right?" Emile scowled at him, and Eliott had no words to answer. Was it what he always thought of it?

"Emile, mate, you need to calm down..." Sofiane tried to step in, but Emile brushed him off.

"I think I was calm long enough, don't you?" He started to laugh, hysterical and the hies eyes caught something behind Eliott and Sofiane's back. Someone. Lucas. "Tell me, does he know your little secret?" He whispered to Eliott.

"Please, don't!" Eliott pleaded as his worst fears were becoming a reality.

"Oh, that's fucking amazing!" Emile exclaimed and laughed again. "Yeah! Go on, let people in your life without even mentioning that you're fucking crazy! What a great idea!"

"Emile, that's enough!" Sofiane shouted abruptly, but hardly it could stop the guy. And that was too late for it anyway.

"Yeah, Lucas, bipolarity is a tricky thing you know," Emile was looking at Lucas now, and Eliott began to feel how the ground was slipping under his feet. "One minute he's so lovely, happy and excited and he's like the best man in the world and the next..." Emile makes a dramatic pause, and Eliott took a breath to prepare to the worst. "He goes and kills your boyfriend." He finished his sentences and looked straight at Eliott, who was feeling nothing but numbness now.

"Is it true?" Lucas' tiny voice revealed his disbelief and terror. Eliott couldn't even look at him now. What was the point of torturing himself? He's already lost him. He had nothing to lose now.

"Yeah," he answered back, and at that moment, his life was ruined forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... it happened guys, yeah, and... Emile isn't that sweet anymore, right?  
> i giggle nervously posting it so please share you thoughts on that chapter and wait for more to come ;)  
> thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas makes a mistake  
> [chapter alert]: Lucas POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, guys, your reaction on the last chapter was insane! I just loved everyone's "WTF?" because I thought the same while writing it, honestly! So thank you for your unbelievable support! Hope you'll enjoy my little shift of POV's here!

During Lucas' life there were thousands of times when he thought that he was lost for words. But it never got to him what that really meant until this moment. The moment when it seemed as if the invisible walls were crashing down around him and he couldn't do anything to save himself from the upcoming collapse. He wanted to say something just to wake up from the nightmare he was captured in but all the words stuck in his throat. And that was not only his total inability to speak what was driving him mad but also a complete apathy to everything that was happening around him. His body was numb, and his ears didn't capture enough sounds for him to make out what exactly continued to come out from Emile's mouth. There were only two words which kept ringing in Lucas' ears - "bipolarity" and the quietest "yeah" at the most provocative question ever. He wished Eliott didn't answer him at all.

"Lucas, don't you have anything to say?" Only the mention of his name made Lucas finally focus his gaze on Emile who was looking at him with anticipation in his eyes in which the boy could see the demons dancing their hell dance.

"Leave him out of it," Eliott didn't let Lucas answer. And he was still deliberately ignoring him standing behind his back. The thing was that Lucas wasn't sure whatever he wanted him to look at him or not. The boy was out of his mind already. Eliott's eyes on him would probably destroy him once and for all.

"That's a little bit too late for that, Eliott! You need to start taking responsibilities for you fucking miserable life! Decided to drag another person in it, be ready to face the music!" Emile was speaking on emotions, but either way that was obvious that all this toxicity has been saving up in his head for a very long time.

"I don't understand..." Lucas finally whispered, and he noticed how Eliott's body twitched at the sound of his voice. Still, he didn't turn back to face him. Unlike Emile, who was grinning at him satisfied. He was eagerly waiting for any reaction from the boy and finally he's got it.

"I'm glad I'm here to explain!" He said sarcastically. "You see, he's good at such things! Eliott makes people believe that he cares and that he does everything for everyone just because he's such a good and nice person. When in reality there is some voice in his head which's whispering him what to do, and he's getting his fixed ideas, obsessions from which he can't get rid of until he accomplishes the task his ill brain is giving to him," his words were cruel and ruthless. Lucas would never think that such guy as Emile could be so spiteful. And he wanted to shut the guy up in any possible way just because that was visibly hurting Eliott. But also there was a small part of him wanted to keep standing and listening in an attempt to understand at least something. But he couldn't figure why Sofiane was doing nothing, he expected some actions from Eliott's friend who clearly knew more than him, but instead, nothing was preventing Emile from speaking.

"And you're lucky if he's controlling himself because if he's not... God, help us! Believe me, I know that from experience!" He exclaimed loudly, and Lucas assumed that he was still talking about his boyfriend. Dominic. And Lucas had so many questions, which he was too afraid to ask. He was scared to hear the answers. "In short, Lucas, my dear, you are just fucking whim and nothing more!"

Lucas wasn't sure whatever his words were said with a desire to hurt him or Eliott, but the consequences followed shortly after. Eliott's right hand clenched and his fist flown right into Emile's face, what made him finally shut up. The blood was running out of his nose now. And his reaction wasn't long in coming. Emile threw himself at Eliott, and two of them started to fight, both being furious enough for Sofiane not being able to pull them apart. They were screaming and hissing something to each other, but Lucas didn't listen to that. He couldn't take that anymore, so he saw an opportunity and he ran.

Lucas heard how someone was calling out for him but didn't respond. Because of the buzz in his head, he couldn't make out who exactly noticed his running away, but that probably was Sofiane as Eliott and Emile were too engaged in their fighting.

Lucas had no idea where he was running to, but at least he knew where from. The madness of the past few minutes overwhelmed him in the worst way possible, and he felt lost. Running from the problems of his own home, the boy was hoping to find comfort in Eliott's embrace where he felt safe and invincible. The past few days he was dying of the lack of Eliott's warm and brightness in his life and every hour after their silly argue seemed more and more like torture especially when Lucas was his own executor.

The minute he left Eliott's flat, he regretted it, the second after he asked for some time he claimed himself an idiot and lost his sleep. There was no doubt in Lucas' mind that he would do everything to get him and Eliott on the right track again, he was sure of himself, and he was determined to do everything right, but that was until he saw him at the entrance of the building. He looked so vulnerable and fragile that Lucas was afraid to say anything in the case he would break him as he guessed that he was probably the reason of that state. And he did nothing to stop him from suffering; he was just standing numb feeling helpless while his friends were asking Eliott questions Lucas should have asked, not them, but he didn't do that because he was an idiot.

  _"Fuck, that didn't look very good!" Arthur whispered concerned when Eliott disappeared at the corner. Lucas knew that everyone was probably expecting any reaction from him._

_"Did you guys have a fight or what?" Bazile was more straightforward as he and Arthur still had no idea of what has happened. Even Yann didn't know the whole story, just the details that everything wasn't so good between them now._

_"Is it really your concern?" Yann stepped in, and Lucas was grateful as he still didn't know what to say._

_"No, he just looked not so great, and I'd be worried on your place," Bazile shrugged his shoulders and frowned. Lucas was surprised by his reaction as he never was a compassionate person._

_"Let's just go in," Yann offered and together they entered the building._

_The image of shaking Eliott didn't leave Lucas' mind until the moment he entered the flat. It was a little bit stuffy in there, and that probably could explain why Eliott needed fresh air, but Lucas just knew that there was something wrong with that._

_"You came!" Eliott exclaimed happily addressing to all of them but looking only at Lucas who immediately felt guilt for keeping leading a guy on knowing perfectly well that there were no chances for them to happen. Lucas was too deep into Eliott to think about anything else. And that thought suddenly struck him._

**_What are you doing, you idiot?_ **

_The thought ran through his mind, and he wanted to slap himself in the face for his stupidity. Without saying anything, he turned around and ran downstairs not even thinking of the way he left Emile who was on his way of hugging him. Lucas was a real prick apparently, but Eliott was so much more important now. And if only he knew in what state the guy really was, then there was no way Lucas would leave him earlier on the street and a couple of days ago in the flat._

_A view of crying Elliott, standing on his knees, shaking and gasping for air broke Lucas' heart in thousands of pieces, and the worst part of it was that he could easily prevent it if only he weren't so fucking stubborn and stupid. He could have met him after that message and discuss everything, but instead, he's done the matter only worse, and he wanted to kill himself for Eliott's struggles, but still that wasn't time for self-flagellation. Eliot needed him._

_Without a second thought, he took off his jacket and put it on Eliott's shoulders as he was trembling with cold wearing nothing but only his black T-Shirt. That was a sign of an alarm which Lucas successfully ignored earlier; he should have figured that something was off as the soon as he saw Eliott's on cold air looking like that. But he failed. Once again._

The memories of Eliott's shaking body made Lucas stop and realize that his jacket was still there somewhere, and now he was in his thin shirt and the weather was too freezing for that. He made himself to catch his breath and establish where he was as he had no exact direction of where he was aiming to get. The boy knew that he was a couple of minutes from Eliott's house, and he was too far away from his own. He didn't know where to go. Actually, he didn't want to be anywhere in particular. He just wanted his life to slow down a little, because he clearly didn't keep up with it.

Lucas' phone began uncontrollably buzzing with messages from Yann.  
  


[Yann]

_man, wtf is happening?!_

_where are you?_

_emile just came back with a bleeding nose_

_eliott's disappeared_

_sofiane too_

_and idriss' nervous as fuck_

_we're going to my place_

_call me_

_that shit is worrying mate_

 

_"Eliott's disappeared"_ that was the only message which made Lucas came to his senses and finally see a situation as a whole.

"What the hell are you doing, Lucas?" He asked himself, disappointed once again. Eliott's illness was outed in the worst way of possible, he was fragile and weak, and the best thing Lucas could think of was running away. He run away from the man who was by his side when he needed him the most, who promised never let him go and now Lucas was doing THAT instead of being there for him? If only his mother knew she would have been so ashamed of him.

Oh, his mother...   only a couple of hours ago Lucas was standing in her hospital room while she was just sitting on her bed, looking out of the window. He tried to speak to her, but she didn't respond. He tried to hug her, but she flinched away from his touch. She wasn't with him, and he left crying in desperation.

_"She talks a lot about you." Standing near the door of her room waiting for his father, Lucas didn't notice how a blond woman age of forties approached him. He recognized her as his mum's nurse. "She's one of those mothers who love show photos of their dearest children to others and share some embarrassing stories about them." The woman chuckled._

_"Bullshit. She doesn't even want to see me," Lucas spilled out angrily having no desire to have someone's pity._

_"That doesn't mean that she stopped caring or loving. Believe me." She smiled at him sympathetically. "Actually I think  it's the most vivid manifestation of her love."_

_"How is it?" Lucas asked confused._

_"You see, I work here long enough to know that most of the times people push others away out of love, in an attempt to protect them."_

_"Protect from what?" The woman's words didn't make much sense._

_"From themselves," the nurse answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "They think that they're a dead weight for their close ones. They're coming here, visiting them, looking after them, worrying instead of living their lives... that makes them feel guilty. Usually they make themselves believe that they are taking too much time and don't worth such a hassle."_

_"But that's not..."_

_"Not true. Yeah, I know," she nodded her head, and Lucas noticed that there was some weirdness in the way she was moving her hands or looking around, but still, he felt warm being near her which made him keep listening to her. "But we see things differently. It's in human nature to push people away when we need them the most. And I'm not only talking about this place," she looked around the corridor where they were standing._

_"Yeah, sometimes we say and do things we don't mean at all," Lucas agreed, and his thoughts automatically tracked him back to Eliott's flat where things could have ended so differently._

_"Exactly!" The woman was evidently happy that she'd got his agreement. "I have a close friend Jerome, he does it constantly," she was looking ahead of herself dreamily. "He has some life troubles - he pushes me away. Once he had depression, and he just shut me out, not letting me in his house, ignoring my calls and pretending like I don't exist. That was hard. At first, I thought he was in the wrong, then I decided that I'm at fault and that took a month for me to realize that we both weren't right. He should have been open with me, and I should have never given up on him. Thank God I've realized it in time to patch things up with him!"_

_"So I need just to be there despite everything?" Lucas didn't even notice how he began talking about himself._

_"Yes, even if your mother keeps pushing you away, you need to show her that you still by her side no matter what. Or at least wait till she's ready to talk to you properly before making some drastic decision. Don't forget that we never know what's going on in other people's heads," she finished, and out of nowhere, Lucas felt relieved._

_"Thanks," he murmured sincerely, and she smiled at him once last time and went away._

That day he spent another couple of hours with his mum in her room, reading a book, while she was doing her own business. But not once she told him to go away, and he was pretty sure that he's caught her smile on himself a couple of times. That wasn't much, but that was enough for him to carry on. And that was enough for him to decide to meet Eliott again finally.

"Still by her side no matter what," he whispered the nurse's words about his mother. "Never know what's going on in other people's heads," he repeated her last words which were practically a simple truth, but he was dumb enough to ignore that.

And he ran back to Eliott's flat hoping it wasn't too late.

When he came back the first thing he noticed were a slightly opened door and an absolute silence inside of the flat. He entered it carefully, facing an empty hall and living room. His friends really left, but where were the others? He made a few more steps forward and saw that Emile's room was shut down while Eliott's door was wide open.

"Sofiane? Tell me you found him!" Perhaps Idriss's heard a noise and came out of Eliott's room. And all the hopes that Eliott's already came back were crushed down. "Oh, it's you..." Idriss didn't even hide his disappointment and Lucas could understand him.

"Where is everyone?" Lucas asked and Idriss rubbed his forehead tiredly, having sat down on the sofa.

"Emile's locked himself up in his room with blooding nose refusing to speak to anyone. Eliott runaway God knows where and Sofiane's currently looking for him. And I'm holding a ford here in case he returns," by his slouching posture that was obvious that the guy was exhausted.

"I guess you know about Eliott and me now?" Lucas sat next to him.

"Yeah," Idriss nodded. "But it's nothing compared to what you know now. I can't believe Emile did that. He had no right." Idriss was shaking his head in pure disbelief.

"So that's all true?" The last crumbles of hope were crushing down inside his chest, and that was painful.

"I'm not going to discuss his illness with you but as for Dominic..." Idriss tensed at the mention of the guy's name. "I don't know what exactly Emile said, but that's not like that I swear. Eliott was nothing but a good friend, he just was unlucky enough to be caught in the middle..." Lucas wasn't sure whatever he was ready or not to hear the rest of the sentence, but Idriss had to stop as the main door shut loudly behind them. They both jumped out immediately and faced Sofiane who was full of rage.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He shouted at Lucas, and Lucas literally felt his wrath on his skin as he shivered.

"I'm worried about Eliott," he whispered sincerely, and Sofiane shook his head outrageously.

"You ran away when he needed you the most!" He shouted back, and Lucas felt like the tears were coming to his eyes out of guilt and realization that was nothing he could say to explain himself.

"I didn't think straight. That was a spur of the moment thing..." He tried, but he knew that it was worthless bullshit.

"That spur of the moment thing made Eliott think that he's lost not only his best friend but also the person he fell in love with! And now he's disappeared, and Emile's out of his mind! And all that because of the boy who couldn't care less about both of them!" Sofiane declared, and that was enough for Lucas to get mad.

"That's not fair!" He exclaimed indignantly. "You were standing there when Emile was saying all these awful things and you did nothing! You were just standing there, listening, seeing how hurt was Eliott by his words and you did nothing! You had all the chances to shut him up, but you decided not to use any of them!"

"Is he telling the truth?" Idriss clearly knew only small pieces of the story and he looked seriously unsatisfied about what Lucas's was revealing. Sofiane opened his mouth and closed it in a second looking perplexedly. It seemed like Lucas managed to touch the nerve here. But Lucas knew that was no time to dwell on it.

"What's happened after I left?" Lucas tried to sound calm while his heart was racing in his chest crazily.

"I managed to pull them apart, and the second Eliott's saw your back he began to run away. I was busy helping Emile to get up so noticed it too late. I tried to catch up with him, but he managed to slip away.  I phoned Idriss and told him everything. I also called his parents and Lucille, and if he comes to them they'll let us know." Sofiane finished, and Lucas kept all his strength together not to indicate the fact that Emile still was on Emile's side at the end.

"And what about his phone? Have you tried to call him?" He asked being aware that was stupid. Of course, Sofiane wouldn't have forgotten about such a thing.

"I found it on the ground where you found him," Sofiane dug Eliott's phone out of his pocket, and Lucas remembered seeing it when he stood on the knees in front of Eliott earlier.

"Fuck!" Idriss hissed having grabbed the back of his head with both hands. "Don't we know where he could go?" He was looking at both Sofiane and Lucas.

"Don't you think I would check there if I knew?" Sofiane responded kind of irritated. Idriss turned his gaze only on Lucas, and he just shrugged his shoulders. "Then we need to try to talk to Emile. He's his best friend..." Lucas couldn't hold his chuckle at the guy's words. That was ridiculous. Idriss raised an eyebrow at him and then continued. "Well, they were close, so he might know where Eliott could be." And maybe that sounded sensible, but Lucas still hated the fact that they needed the guy's help now.

"He won't talk to us." Sofiane noticed reasonably having pointed out at himself and Lucas. "We both were aware of the situation, so you're our only shot." He addressed to Idriss.

"We're not that close. I don't think he would talk to me about that," Idriss shared his concern.

"Does it really matter?" Lucas asked, confused. "He just needs to tell us where he thinks Eliott could be now, right?"

Suddenly the door of Emile's room opened and the guy came out of it. He probably was eavesdropping them. His nose was still bleeding a little as he was holding a napkin underneath it, but Lucas didn't feel any pity as he deserved what he's got. Probably he deserved even more.

"He was going mad trying to hide us from you that much he was afraid of hurting your feelings. Shame you weren't worth it at the end," he spilled with disgust.

"He knew how much I liked you! Friends don't make out with their best friends' crushes!" Emile still had the nerve to try defending his actions.

"For God's sake, Emile, you don't even know me!" Lucas groaned wishing for the guy to open his fucking eyes finally.

"And you knew Elliot that good, right?" Emile exclaimed sarcastically as his vile nature appeared again. Lucas couldn't have believed his ears. It looked as if Emile was no way ready to face the consequences of his actions and take responsibility, that was funny enough as he was expecting the same from Eliott before.  That was ridiculous and extremely sad that Eliott was killing himself mentally because of the person who didn't have an ounce of his class.

"Shut your mouth for God's Sake!" Unexpectedly that was Idriss who was fed up with the guy's attitude. Lucas was ready to bet that he felt anger no less than him. Maybe Eliott did have a real friend after all. "If you know something, you tell us! If not then go, lock up in your room and pray that we'll find him safe and sound!" He threatened him, and by the look on Emile's, that was clear that he knew that the best would be for him to obey.

"I don't know where it is, but I know that there is a place where he hides when he doesn't feel that well. He used to go there a lot after Dominic's death, saying that he in his "sacred place" and that we shouldn't be worried. I asked him thousand of times to show it to me, but he always that it was only for him and no people allowed to be there." Finally Emile shared something useful, but it clearly meant nothing for Idriss and Sofiane as they looked unsatisfied with the revelation.

"Sacred place? Is it church or what? Not really Eliott's style, isn't that?" Idriss said.

"That's useless! It can be anywhere!" Sofiane groaned disappointedly while something finally clicked in Lucas' head.

_"So what is so sacred in that place?"  Lucas asked when they finally stopped kissing under that dreadingly cold rain. Eliott was packing the blanket in his bag while Lucas was looking around exploring the old trestleworks of the bridge covered with drawings, old and new one. Lucas did not doubt that some of them were Eliott's._

_"Nobody knows about it," Eliott answered when Lucas looked at him in disbelief._

_"I'm here!" He stated the obvious with a smile._

_"I can make an exception, can't I? That's my place after all." He winked at him, and that made Lucas laughed._

_"So what are you usually doing here?" Lucas didn't let go of the topic while the rain kept heavily drum above them on the bridge. At least wind died down a little bit; though they both were wet enough for at least one of them not to wake up with flu the next morning. But that was probably worth that._

_"Thinking," Eliott pronounced thoughtfully. "Sometimes you just wanna be alone, when you're hurting and everything is too much. People deal with that differently, and I come here. I know that nobody would reach me here," Eliott smiled, but that was a sad smile, and Lucas knew that probably it was worth to put off the topic for now. He looked at the rain._

_"Run?" He asked the question which made Eliott giggle excitedly._

_"Run!" He said, and they ran together holding each other hands._

He was running again, only this time he was running to Eliott and not from him. The chances of him finding the guy were minimal, still he was running like the ground was on fire and he had no choice but move quickly. He just wished to be fast enough. Lucas wasn't sure that it was a wise idea to rush off from his spot without giving any explanation to Eliott's friends, but he had no desire to share the time on that.

Standing in the dark alley and having turned on the light on his phone, he looked around the place and the memories of that night alone with Eliott came onto his mind. That seemed like that was a whole lifetime ago though it was only five days, which included some of the happiest moments of his life.

Lucas had crushes on boys before, that's how he realized that his wish to spend more time with boys rather than girls had some reasons behind it. At first, that was Yann and Lucas' constant jealousy of all the girls his best mate was laying his eyes on. Back then he thought that he was in love, but that feeling died out fast enough the second Yann decided to be alone for a while and spend more time with his best friend. The jealousy has gone and the feelings, which weren't even probably real, too. There was also a red-headed boy in the old school who Lucas considered as quite pretty. He was an openly gay and a real party animal, and he didn't even try to hide his affection towards Lucas. Actually, Lucas really could consider him to be his first serious boyfriend, but one conversation with him was enough to realize that wasn't it. His chippy flirtatious lines and unswerving conviction of his perfection made Lucas turn his back on him and thank God he had to change the school shortly after. And that was when he saw a real perfection.

Eliott Demaury looked like a real God who decided to bless everyone around him just with his presence. The minute Lucas saw him, he couldn't look away. He wanted him. That was clear by the slight tremble in the gut and the racing heartbeat when he looked at him for the first time. The problem was Lucas had no idea how to attract his attention, and he was sure that he had no chance anyway, so he's done nothing. But when Eliott joined him on that bus-station and when Lucas caught his eyes lingering on him, an unexpected self-confidence woke up in the boy. His burning desire to get Eliott made him step out of his zone of comfort and do things which were opposed to his nature and beliefes. Now he couldn't even remember what exactly directed him at those moments but one thing he knew for sure: that was something he would have never changed. The secret part of him made an appearance and made him happy, and what else could the guy dream of, right?  Well, maybe he could think of a couple of things now...

Going through the alley, he was trying to cope with his uncontrollable nervousness, which was slightly paralyzing his body. His assumption of the possible Eliott's whereabout had no serious base to prove him right and that what was slowing Lucas down on his way despite the clear urge to reach Eliott as soon as possible. Lucas was scared. He was afraid not finding him there and losing the hope to make him see that he was there with him how Eliott was there for Lucas. His hands were shaking, and that wasn't only cold what affected him. Only once Lucas felt this way before, when his mother was taken away from him. And now he was on the brink of losing Eliott too.  And that was the thought which was spinning around in his head when he made his last few steps.

"Oh, Thank God!" He exhaled, and the tears of relief burst out of his eyes. Eliott was sitting under the bridge with his knees pressed to his chest and arms around them. He was swaying slightly, and his body was shaking with the cold. And he was crying. Eliott Demaury who looked like a God who came down from Mount Olympus just a several days ago now looked like a small, lost and vulnerable kid who deserved so much more than all the ugliness of this world. And that probably was the truth.

"Eliott!" Lucas called out for him and reached him in a few big steps. "Eliott!" He whispered once again when he didn't get a response, but that didn't work out either. And somehow Lucas knew that there was no use to push anymore. "That's ok!" He tried to assure probably himself rather than Eliott. He wrapped his hands around Eliott's trembling body. "That's all going to be ok. I promise!" He kissed the top of his head, hoping that he'd be strong enough to make that real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... i need to say that till the last moment this chapter kept changing because that was hard to collect all my thoughts and put it in Lucas' head, yeah... so i sincere hope that you liked that and please share your thought!  
> and don't worry, Elliot's pov ois coming back the next chapter ;)  
> thank you for reading


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliott feels like he's a trouble but still can't go away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had my troubles with that chapter but that's in the past and here we are!  
> I'm hoping it's all not so confusing as I see it and you'll enjoy it!

It's all was hazy.

That was the only way Eliott could describe the past few hours. He remembered his knuckles smashing into Emile's face, his friend's angry outburst, Sofiane's weak attempts to defuse the situation and Lucas' running away from them.

When Eliott saw the boy's back fading away, he missed Emile's hit and got split lips. He had no energy left in him to continue the fight, so he just brutally pushed Emile away on the ground. That was enough to distract him and Sofiane, and then he ran.

The scariest part of his runaway was that during that time there was absolutely nothing on his mind. He felt empty inside. There was no point of feeling sad, angry or frustrated anymore. These feelings required some kind of wish to go through that all while Eliott didn't have that in him. With every second of that evening he was loosing more and more parts of himself, and by the end of it, he'd disappeared completely. His last hope vanished having slipped right from his hands. And there was nothing he could do to change that.

Eliott had no idea how long he'd been sitting under the bridge. He couldn't indicate the moment when Lucas appeared in front of him. He just knew that at some point he was in the taxi while the boy was holding him in his embrace. Eliott remembered Lucas' whispering him something all the way back to the unknown to him house but he didn't distinguish the words. They didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered.

Eliott slept a lot. He slept a lot on the big bed in the house where he'd never been before . During the day several times he woke up for a second just to register how somebody opened and closed the door, and he felt that almost all the time there was someone next to him on that bed, but he never turned around to see who that was. On the nightstand there was a glass of water, and that was nice as there were times when Eliott was dying that much he needed that. Once he sat down and made several sips, feeling how someone's eyes behind him were following his every move but once again he didn't turn around. He took a deep breath, put the glass on its place, and lie down again. In a few moments, the door opened and shut down. Eliott was left alone.

 

Eliott didn't know where was the bathroom, but he needed it. Still, he had no desire to attract any attention, so he made sure that he was alone and left the room quietly hoping that he wouldn't be noticed. But he didn't go far away as he heard familiar voices in the next room and he couldn't control his desire to listen to what they were talking about.

"You look really tired, man. Go home, rest for a little, and I'll sit here." Eliott heard the concern and worry in Yann's voice.

"I'm fine," Lucas answered, and Eliott could imagine him giving a dismissive wave. Eliott doubted that it could fool anyone as his voice sounded exhausted. He didn't even want to imagine how the boy looked at that moment.

"Bullshit!" Yann exclaimed, and some noise followed after it. Perhaps he's stood up. "Lucas, I understand that you're worried about him, I do. But have you even slept during the last 24 hours? I don't think so! You need to think about yourself too!"

"I'll think about myself when he will be alright, considering I'm the reason why he's in such state," Lucas protested, and Eliott moved away from the door as the guilt struck him right in the heart. He knew that it would have been too good for Lucas staying just for him. In reality, he just felt responsibility and that was crazy as Lucas definitely had nothing to blame himself for. His runaway probably was the wisest move from his side while coming back to Eliott was the stupidest. But that was the matter of time before he'd realize it himself. Or he'd already figured it out but was a too good person to let go.

 

That night he woke up and saw Lucas' face right in front of him, sleeping peacefully. At least he listened to his friend's advice and decided to sleep a little instead of just staring at Eliott as he was doing before. Or he simply fell asleep in the process while doing the same. As long as he was resting, Eliott was alright with that. That moment he didn't come back to his sleep immediately but lingered his eyes on Lucas' face just for a second. On his too beautiful for this world face. He couldn't help himself but reached the boy's cheek with his hand and stroked it slightly trying not to wake him up. That night he decided that he needed to leave.

 

Thinking about leaving was much easier than actually doing that without being noticed. Elliott's first problem was that he actually had no idea where his clothes were. Only now he took a notice that he was in black sweatpants and blue T-shirt which definitely weren't his. With the corner of his eyes he saw that his phone was lying on the nightstand. It wasn't there before so Lucas probably brought it to him. Eliott took it unwillingly in his hands and saw that it was fully charged and had dozens of missed calls and unanswered messages. Mostly from his parents, who were probably worried. But he wasn't' ready to face them yet, and that was the only thing which he told Lucas since they've got here. That was selfish of him to ignore his close ones like that, but they've got used to it by now for sure. There were also a couple of missed calls from some of his classmates, seven calls were from Lucille, three from Sofiane, the same amount from Idriss and one from Emile. That name on his screen woke in him desire to toss the device aside and that was exactly what he's done having left that problem for later. Or never. He liked that more.

Eliott still kept the idea of going away in his head when he sneaked from the room where he'd spent already two nights never figuring out where exactly he was. He needed to explore the place just to find the exit. This time the corridor was empty and there were no voices in the rooms which were on the second floor where Eliott supposed he was when he saw a staircase leading downstairs. He was coming down as silently as he only could, trying his best not to raise any noise. Deep down Eliott was hoping that he was here alone and that would have made his process of planning the escape easier. He just wanted to make Lucas free of himself as soon as possible.

It turned out that the staircase was leading straight to the big living room with the sofa standing right in the middle facing a big plasma which was on the wall near the wide window. And Lucas was sitting on that damned sofa. There were no chances for Eliott to pass near him without him noticing. And here came the dilemma. He could either go back to the room he was sleeping or in simply join Lucas on the sofa and finally make an attempt to talk to him. That thought came so suddenly that Eliott was quite surprised by it himself considering he was planning to run away a few seconds ago. And as much as the idea of coming back to the bed was tempting, he knew that he probably owned Lucas at least a little bit of explanation of everything.  Eliott doubted that he would be able to do that, but still, he made a deep breath, count to five and moved forward to sit next to Lucas.

Lucas clearly didn't hear him coming as he flinched in surprise when Eliott's body landed next to him. He studied him with his eyes for a couple of seconds and then turned his gaze back to the TV with some trash horror movie on, not saying a word. They both knew that it was Eliott turn to speak and Lucas obviously wasn't sure whatever the guy was going to say anything at all. The boy was messing with the button on the sleeve of his shirt nervously, deliberately not moving away his eyes from the screen. But somehow Eliott knew that it was the first time when he paid to it any attention, and he actually had no idea what's been going on there.

"I'm sorry," Eliott finally said what he thought was the most important thing for Lucas to hear. He was sorry for the boy became a part of his messy life. He was sorry that he didn't tell the truth straight away. He was sorry that now he thought that Eliott was his problem. He was sorry for everything that he made him go through.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Eliott expected to hear that answer. Of course, Lucas thought so. He just didn't get it.

"Yes, I have," Eliott whispered in protest, looking at his hands. "And I think I owe you a good explanation of everything, so here I am." His voice was trembling, and he was afraid that it would get only worse further in the line.

"Are you ready to do that now?" Lucas asked, and Eliott felt a sincere concern in his voice, which he didn't deserve, but he was grateful for that question. Maybe he needed to admit the truth.

"No," he shook his head, and Lucas nodded as if he was expecting to hear that.

"Then don't," Lucas whispered. Eliott agreed without saying anything.

The silence hung between them with the noises of the TV remaining the only sound in the room. And looking at the boy's profile, Eliott felt an urge to feel his warm once again. To be close to him for a little bit more time. Thinking about that later he came to the conclusion that he wasn't really aware of his actions when he put his feet up on the sofa, leaned towards Lucas and put his head on the boys' knees. That was a risky and not quite reasonable move but Eliott just felt like doing that. And when he felt Lucas' hands brushing his hair lightly, he felt safe again and that maybe everything wasn't so bad after all.

 

He woke up at the sound of the soft piano music streaming from the corner of the room. Eliott was still on the sofa covered by a blanket and with the pillow under his head. Lucas probably cared about that when he fell asleep. Eliott felt a little bit dizzy when he'd risen too quick, so he gave himself a couple of seconds to adjust to the fast changes of positions. When his eyes managed to catch a focus ahead of him, he finally turned his head to the corner where he saw a black piano he never noticed before. And Lucas was sitting in front of it slowly moving his fingers on the keys playing some uncomplicated melody which Eliott was sure he's heard when he was a child. That made him smile.

Probably Lucas heard movement behind him as he stopped playing and turned to Eliott looking intimidated as if he was caught at the crime scene.

"Did I wake you? Sorry," he blabbed. "I just have been looking at it for the whole time while we were here, and I felt like giving it a try. Sorry," Lucas was speaking fast, and his cheeks were flushing. Eliott couldn't get what he was so embarrassed about.

"That's alright, I think I've slept enough to stay awake for a month now," he tried to reassure him with a smile, which Lucas would have noticed if he wasn't trying to avoid his gaze so diligently.

"I missed that," Luсas said, turning his head back to the piano. His hands were on the keys again. "When mother left, it's like all the music disappeared in our house. It's always so quiet there that sometimes it seems as if I'm in the nuthouse. And that's my home. The place where I supposed to feel happy and calm, but that's not just it."

"Is that the reason why are you wasting so much time here?" Eliott asked in half-funny and half-serious tone. He gave Lucas a chance to choose the way this conversation would go to.

"Yeah. And the fact that I couldn't risk losing you again. I bet you had a plan to escape already," that wasn't a question but Eliott knew that Lucas needed an answer.

"I don't wanna be a burden," Eliott said and Lucas breathed out heavily.

"You are not," the boy answered, still sitting with his back on him. Eliott would give everything just to see the look on his face at this moment. "Do you want me to play for you?" He asked suddenly, having changed the subject. And it took Eliott a couple of seconds to realize what he meant by it.

"I thought you're playing only for the closest ones?" He asked carefully not knowing what he expected to hear. And he didn't hear anything at all. But what he'd got was even better. Lucas began to play with no more words, and that was the most beautiful thing Eliott's ever heard. There was no way he would be able to leave now. Eliott was absorbed in the magic effect of Lucas Lallemant again.

 

"Thank you for letting me stay here," Eliott sat at the table on which there was a big pepperoni pizza now.

"That's alright, mate. We don't need this place now anyway," Yann was looking at pizza hungrily as if he had nothing to eat for a whole week. Actually, Eliott should have felt the same because he hadn't eaten in a few days, but he didn't feel like that, though Lucas insisted that it was necessary.

When Lucas said that Yann wanted to visit, Eliott wasn't sure whether he was ready to face anyone, but when Lucas mentioned that they were living in Yann's family's holiday cottage, he couldn't tell him no. And in fact, his presence wasn't so bad after all, as he managed to ease the tension which still was in the house. And the best part was that he didn't mention anything Eliott didn't want to be mentioned.

"Lucas, mate, Arthur saying you have a biology test tomorrow, so I expect you to show up, yeah?" Yann said, having finished his third slice of pizza when Eliott's just managed to shove down his throat the first one. And that was more than enough for him.

"He'll come," Eliott answered for the boy and Lucas glared at him unpleased. Eliott didn't like the fact that Lucas was going to miss school because of him. The weekends were over and Eliott for sure wasn't ready to go there but there was no way he would let Lucas stay home. Moreover, he was fine already and didn't need a babysitter in the face of Lucas.

"I have a voice, thank you very much!" Lucas grumbled irritated but Eliott didn't pay too much attention to it.

"On this matter, you don't," he pointed out and noticed how Yann nodded his head slightly probably pleased that Eliott stepped in. "You're going to school tomorrow and I'm not listening to your objections!" He cut off the protest which obviously was going to come from Lucas's side. The boy pouted his lips as the child but said nothing. That was cute.

"And Bazile is having a date with Daphne today so it's going to be interesting to hear all the details tomorrow," Yann tried to provide another reason why his friend was needed at school and to be fair that sounded quite doubtfull but still that took Lucas by surprise.

"How did that happen?" He asked, having leaned on the table and forgotten about his grudge at the moment. That made Eliott realize that Lucas not only locked himself up in the house but also blocked the whole world for himself outside it. Eliott didn't know the boy's friends long enough but could guess that the second Daphne agreed on a date with Bazile the guy texted about that to all of them. Probably even Eliott got a message, but he still hasn't touched his phone since morning. And it seemed like Lucas never heard about the news before, and that reveal made Eliott sad again as he didn't want Lucas to miss out his life because of him. With that thought, he didn't take part in further conversation anymore. Both Lucas and Yanna most likely noticed that but didn't say a word having continued as if nothing has happened.

When Yann left, Eliott got upstairs and lied back in the bed. He was silent, and Lucas didn't push him. He just lied next to him. And only when Eliott turned around and put his arms around Lucas' body he succeeded to fell asleep. He was afraid that he could get used to it.

 

 

The next morning Lucas went to school. Of course, he argued a lot, and Eliott had to take him right to the bus stop and listen to all the stupid arguments why it wasn't really necessary, but he's got there at the end though Eliott had to promise that he will be at home when Lucas comes back, and he did that as he had no other places to go to anyway.

The past few days were weird on so many levels that Eliott couldn't even wrap his head around it. Despite Lucas' attempts to act as normal as it was only possible, Eliott felt his worried and concerned looks which he was giving to him when he didn't see. They didn't mention the night at Emile's birthday and Lucas didn't ask any more questions. Eliott knew that as a result it formed an invisible wall between them, which didn't give them a chance to be like they were before. Peaceful and happy. That was understandable, of course. And the fact was that Eliott knew that he had to be the first to make the first step, but even the slightest thought of opening up was making him shiver and suffer, especially when he couldn't figure what reaction would follow after that. So he kept being silent about that.

Another problem was his parents who were trying to reach him and he was blocking all their attempts. Lucas asked him once if Eliott wanted to him give them an address and Eliott said a simple "no" which was cruel, he knew that, but that was his desire. He had no doubts that they've probably already known what's happened from Sofiane and Idriss and Lucas for sure kept them informed about everything so they had all the information they needed. But he also knew that he needed to make that call.

"It's me," he said after five signals, having gone through uncontrollable desire to hang up immediately.

"Oh, Eliott!" His mother sounded relieved, and Eliott immediately felt guilty. "Honey, we were so worried! Your father and I are getting mad here!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm fine," that was the only thing he could think of.

"And when are you coming back home?" Well, that didn't take long. He suspected that his mother would start with this topic and he had no idea how to escape it now.

"I don't know," he answered, keeping in mind that nothing would make him come back home.

"What does it mean? Where are you going to live now, son?" She didn't say it aloud but of course, she meant that he'd lost his previous house now. And what else could he do if not come back to his parents, right? Eliott was ready to bet that the moment his mother's heard about the things which happened she clapped happily and canceled all the plans about moving away. He was ready to bet that his father wasn't so happy.

"I'll figure something out." He clearly should have had a more strong argument to ger rid of his mother but he approached that dialogue unprepared. He should have thought better and made up a plan, but he didn't want to be such a dick-son in their eyes for such a long time. His fault really.

"What?" His mother asked a reasonable question and Eliott felt like he was already tired of that conversation. "And where are you now? This boy is telling us nothing! And by the way, Lucille is beside herself too!"

Of course, she had to mention Lucille, her perfect little spy and a friend. Yeah, she was so much better than an unknown to her boy that tells her nothing just because Eliott asked him to do that. What a bad choice for her son if his new partner prefers to support him rather than his beloved parents. What an outrageous behavior!

"And about that boy... Eliott, are you sure that it's a good idea to keep him so close right now? We've found out that he's not aware of your situation at all..." There was a feeling as if she was reading his mind and knew exactly what buttons she needed to push just to get what she wanted. But Eliott knew her tactics too well now, so he simply ignored all her blabbering and all the reasonable sides of her statements. He let her talk another couple of minutes staring at the little chink in the wooden wall through which not so hurriedly crawled an ant aiming the floor. By the time he reached its destination, Eliott's mother had stopped talking and he caught himself on the thought that even the movements of this little creature seemed more fascinating to him rather than words of his own mother. By the silent followed after her pompous triad that was obvious that she stated something that required some kind of reaction from Eliott. Problem was he had no idea what she expected to hear from him as he hadn't heard her at all,  so he decided to go another way.

"I need to go now, but I want you to know that I'm alright. No need to worry. I'll call you later."

Eliott didn't give her a chance to say her goodbyes or what's more possible to protest. He hung up hoping she won't call back. He remembered that there were tons of unread messages on his phone which were still waiting for his attention. He owed to answer at least two people. Idriss and Sofiane weren't calling anymore; they just wrote that they would always there for him when he was ready to talk.

_"Thank you."_

He hit sent to both of them, and his mother name appeared on the screen. The woman was trying to reach him but she probably knew that it would lead to no result. Eliott put away his phone on the nightstand and came downstairs to watch some crappy tv-shows.

 

When Lucas came back he was talking a lot, complaining about the fact that the test has been postponed and that there was no need for him to come after all. He also told that Bazile came down with flue, so they didn't really get a chance to hear the details about his date with Daphne. But the girl looked happy and smiley enough to suppose that everything went quite well and that was surprising considering Bazile's inappropriate at places behavior. Eliott didn't say anything back keep watching TV and listening to everything that Lucas was saying. The boy noted that it's probably going to rain soon outside, that the food in the canteen was terrible that time and that he met Manon at the bus-stop and she turned out to be a great girl (he never chatted with her before). And here was there moment when he wanted to say something but stopped suddenly and then changed the topic on the food he bought for dinner. Eliott supposed that he meant to say something else about him but decided against it at the end. After that Eliott realized that there was a white elephant in the room which he couldn't avoid anymore. Lucas tried his best to, but now Eliott saw how carefully he was talking about everything, how in his head he was debating what he should say and what was best to leave out of the conversation. Despite his attempts to lead a light chat in which Eliott didn't take part at all the boy looked tense. Eliott felt that Lucas was too stressed with that situation to let him carry on like that. He deserved to get his answers.

"When it happened the first time I ran away naked to MacDonalds," he said without any entry because he knew that the more he'd try to put that off the more chances were that he would change his mind. So he went straight to the point. Whatever Lucas was doing at the kitchen, he stopped and slowly came into the living room. Eliott didn't see his face, still looking ahead, but he could guess that the boy looked surprised and didn't know ho react. But he had no need to as Eliott only started, "Before that I felt extraordinarily energetic and excited as I never felt before. I wanted to do things I never wanted to do before. I ran away from the house at nights just to paint any empty wall I'd find in the city. I guess I was lucky that I never was caught, but I felt like it was the goal of my life to make that place look colorful and bright. I had no doubts that I was doing something grand, something that would leave a mark on history. My parents were worried sick. I didn't care. I made myself believe that they would understand everything as soon as they saw the result, but I never made to the end. One night I felt so hungry that I just stood up from my bed and left to MacDonalds fully naked as it was really hot back then even though there was a fridge in the next room. The police caught me and after that, my parents locked me in the room probably having no idea what to do with me. That was frustrating as I still wanted to finish my mission but in a few days I woke up and felt nothing. I didn't want to stand up; I didn't want to eat or drink, I didn't want to do anything. I felt like nothing and I wanted nothing. And my parents who weren't ready to let me out of my room a few days ago were desperate in attempts to drag me out of bed. They had no success. I didn't really remember what was going in my head back then, I just was sad without any particular reason, and I was sleeping most of the days. My parents literally shoved food and water down my throat. And that took me a week and a half to come to normal. And that wasn't the last time. My behavior was unstable, Emile took notice of that too and, yeah, several visits to the clinic, and I had the diagnosis "Bipolar disorder." So that's it. That's the story."

During his speech, he left out a few ugly details which he wasn't ready to tell yet. That probably wasn't fair on the boy for Eliott still keep trying to hide things from him but he couldn't make himself to share the moments when he pushed his mother too rough or said his dad he hated him or told Emile never come to him ever again... well, probably that was a really wise idea and Eliott wished Emile would have listened.

"I don't know what to say," Lucas was sitting next to him on the sofa now being completely honest. Eliott still couldn't make himself look at him. He was afraid to see what was there, on his face.

"You don't have to say anything," Eliott didn't want for Lucas to feel guilty for the lack of the words. That was understandable and Eliott's already went through it several times to get used to it.

"Your behavior last few days is that because of this?" Lucas asked carefully, and Eliott chuckled as he expected to hear something like that.

"No, that's not," he shook his head. "When I knew about my diagnosis I felt bad. Everything inside me changed, and I never managed to get to the state of normal me. I saw how people started acted with me differently, they all became to caring and too loving and I just knew that wasn't really them and that was depressing. There is no meeting with my parents for them not to ask whatever I'm taking my pills or not. Lucille was my watchdog, always following me everywhere. And the guys were great in comparison, but even they always gave me a strange look when I was drinking or smoking. And that wasn't something we had before."

"We drank and smoked with you!" Lucas suddenly realized. And his voice sounded so worried that Eliott knew that now something changed here too and he was ready to start crying.

"And I loved that! I loved being with you without any unpleased looks and regulations. I was myself and I had the greatest times in ages but I knew that was too good to be true," Eliott exhaled and returned to the explanation of the oddness of his behavior. "I knew that now people saw not me but my illness and sometimes I was so brutal that I figured that they were still by my side out of pity and there is no way they can love me like that." Probably that was the first time when Eliott said it aloud and hearing these words was strange as he got used to them being kept in strongly in his head. And he didn't feel comfortable letting them out.

"But Eliott that's stupid!" Lucas spotted. "Your illness doesn't define you. That doesn't work like that."

"I know, I know," Eliott was shaking his head lightly. "But we're talking about the past few days, right? As I've said the diagnosis changed me greatly, I often feel unloved and have doubts about everyone in my surroundings. When people are kind to me I start to think that they're simply pitying me and here comes the anxiety and uncertainty and irritation. Even when they don't know about my state! Sometimes I have angry outbursts which are literally coming out of nowhere and I start worrying that it's the start of the phase and the uncertainty is driving me crazy. Sometimes it leads to the panic attacks, and I'm trying to drive myself away from everyone just not to hurt anyone. So even when I'm not going through another phase, I'm feeling like I'm going to lose it anyway, especially when I happy. I'm afraid that my fucked up brain would catch me out of guard and ruin everything, and that's why I start ruining everything myself. Unintentionally of course. But I don't really deserve to be happy so.." He shrugged his shoulders and felt the tears coming down his cheek. He so desperately wanted to express what he felt that all the words had mixed up in the head and he could feel how messy it all sounded. He wished to have a way to show everything that was on his mind and in his heart to Lucas but Eliott just couldn't figure out how he possibly could do that.

"Don't tell that!" Lucas whispered and Eliott could swear he was crying. The boy was crying because of him again. "You deserve to be happy! Of course, you do!" He shifted and faced Eliott's profile now.

"Then ask me what you want to ask. Ask me about Emile's words! Ask me what happened one year ago! Ask me why my best friend hates me so much!" He groaned and finally looked back at Lucas who looked like death. Yeah, he wanted to know the truth, but he was also scared to hear that.

"Take your jacket, we're leaving," Eliott stood up suddenly, and that wasn't something Lucas expected.

"Where to?" He asked, shattered.

"You're going to meet Dominic."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one tiny spoiler for you: flashbacks are coming ;)  
> please don't forget about the kudos and comments!  
> thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to talk about Dominic!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! I bet you didn't see that coming, right? lol  
> But, yeah, sorry for such a delay but sometimes life can be cruel and hard and I hate my job but that's not the point... I really hope that you would enjoy this chapter and that there're people who have been waiting for it!

_ "I think he's definitely interested!" Emile was slightly drunk and his cheeks were red from the sultry which filled the room where the party took place.  _

_ "In that case, you need to go and talk to him," Idriss gave his advise with a little sneer on his face. He clearly had no idea whatever guy Emile felt attracted to looked interested or not, but he had some troubles listening to his guessings, so he just wanted to end with the topic.  _

_ "As if it's so simple!" Emile exclaimed dramatically and made a sip of beer which was standing on the table. Eliott was pretty much sure that it was his though it was more for the show rather than drinking. But still... _

_ "I can go with you," Eliott offered, hoping that it would entertain him at least a little. This party was some sad and boring as hell occasion. If it weren't for his friends he'd have already left.  _

_ "Seriously?" Emile asked him enthusiastically. Sofiane and Idriss both looked at him with the bold confidence that he would regret it later. They probably were right.  _

_ "Yeah, why not?" Eliott shrugged his shoulders and smiled at his friend who now looked at him as he was some kind of the savior who saved this planet from the aliens' invasion.   _

 

"I often think how strange it was that it was me who approached him first and not Emile, who was a nervous wreck at that moment," Eliott admitted, having remembered his first chat with Dominic. They were talking about the stupid music which was on, and Emile just was there looking at the guy adorably. 

"I thought that Emile never had problems with meeting new guys. At least he was making that impression," Lucas noted wisely, trying not to show how uncomfortable he was feeling at the place of their destination. But that was obvious by the shiver on the skin of his hands and neck, scared look and jumpy gestures which appeared every time the wind became too strong. 

"Yeah, you thought right. But with Dominic everything was different. Emile became different," Eliott answered, looking at the yellowed from the rain photo standing near the gravestone. Dominic's grey eyes were still looking straight at him. That seemed that this gaze would haunt him forever.

 

_ "That's love!" Emile announced happily at their gathering at Sofiane's house. He's already drunk a little and his speech became more loose what was always funny to witness from Eliott and Sofiane's sides who were absolute sober. _

_ "You had one date, man! Don't exaggerate!" Idriss' tone was sarcastic and once again he didn't hide what was on his mind, especially now it was mixed with the alcohol.  _

_ "I knew you wouldn't understand," Emile waved his hand at him, having turned his attention to Eliott. "Eliott, mate, I'm so grateful that you made me talk with him! Now I'm the happiest man alive!" He grinned widely, and Eliott got it that he was a little bit more than "a little drunk".  _

_ "Emile, seriously, you don't even know the guy," Sofiane stepped in, and Eliott saw that Emile's quite serious declarations alarmed him in some way. And Eliott kind of felt the same. Emile was talking about that Dominic guy a lot and that could be dangerous. He knew how easy it was for Emile to dwell on things and people. And now he saw some warning signs above his head. _

_ "And you don't know him at all!" Emile objected as if it had any sense. Eliott, Sofiane and Idriss had no plans dating the guy while Emile was on the verge of planning their marriage. He clearly needed to know him more than they did but his drunk mind couldn't reach this realization now, so Eliott let it go.  _

_ "Then introduce us to him," Idriss suggested the thing a sober Idriss would have never suggested. But maybe that really had some sense after all. _

_  At that party Eliott was the only one of three of them who spoke with Emile's new friend until the moment Emile finally decided to make himself present. It took a couple of seconds for them to be captured in their own conversation and Eliott had nothing else to do then come back to his friends. After a couple of minutes both Emile and Dominic disappeared.  _

_ "Yeah, maybe you're right," Emile murmured thoughtfully but Eliott doubted that he would have remembered that in the morning. He was wrong.  _

 

"Dominic was that type of guy who knew how to present himself," Eliott remembered the way he was friendly with every three of them, how he laughed at every stupid and not so funny joke, how he always smiled and how interested he seemed at everything they were talking about. Only as the time passed Eliott realized that when they all were talking, he's been absolutely silent. By the end of the evening they all were charmed with him but still knew nothing about who he was and that was exactly the point of their meeting. 

"Did you all get on well?" Lucas squatted just to get a better view on the photo of the guy he never so before. Eliott saw that the boy was still nervous, but he clearly managed to adjust to their surrounding to focus his attention on the story Eliott was telling him.

"At first, yeah. He looked like a decent guy and it seemed that Emile was happy with him, so we had no worries." 

"What changed then?" Lucas kept staring at the photo and Eliott felt a desire to drag him away from it as he didn't want him to be near anything that was even slightly connected to Dominic though it was his decision to show him the place. 

"Everything I guess."

 

_ "Don't you find it strange that we don't see Emile recently. I get that he's in love and all that stuff but we're still his friends, don't we deserve a little bit more attention?" Idriss asked. _

_ Together with Idriss and Sofiane they were at the party. They've got an invitation through Lucille and Emile decided to ignore that. And that wasn't the first time when it happened as in a month Emile became a very antisocial person and that wasn't like him at all. And Eliott was happy to hear that he wasn't the only one with concerns on that matter. _

_ "I would have said if he's happy then I'm happy but, yeah, that's a little bit weird. Doesn't look like Emile at all." Sofiane nodded his head. _

_ "And I'm not hinting on anything, but before Dominic there weren't such situations at all," once again Idriss voiced the things Emile thought about a lot. "Eliott, mate, have you spoken about it with him?" _

_ "Yeah, but you know Emile. He gives no straight answers," Eliott admitted. In fact, his interactions with Emile came to a minimum recently, and most of their conversations took place at school. Emile stopped calling him as much as he called before, he was barely noticeable in their chat-group conversations, and every time he asked him to gather together Emile found a reason to reject him. "I guess we just need to meet all together and make him talk and not give him a chance to hide from us." _

_ "Yeah, you're right." Idriss agreed.  _

_ "Isn't it Dominic?" Sofiane asked suddenly looking somewhere behind Eliott and Idriss' backs. They both turned around and saw a bald-shaved head standing with his back turned to them. _

_ "I thought Emile said that they were going to be together tonight?" Idriss said what now was on everyone's mind.  _

_ "Yeah, me too," Eliott murmured but there were no signs of Emile around the guy. And when Eliott saw Dominic's hand brushed some guy's arse with his hand, he knew that he wouldn't join him either.  _

 

"So he cheated on him?" Lucas finally stood up and turned to Eliott who now was exploring how poor his grave looked. Apart from the mother, Dominic didn't have anyone else, and as the women became an alcoholic, there was no surprise that nobody looked after that place. There was only one fresh bouquet near the gravestone and Eliott could guess who exactly brought it. And he was pretty sure that it wasn't so much long ago.

"Yeah, constantly and the funny part was that he didn't even hide it that good. The problem was that Emile turned a blind eye on that. When we tried to reach to his senses he claimed that we've got something wrong and that it couldn't be possible. He was blinded with love, and Dominic was a perfect guy in his eyes." 

"Have you figured why he started ignoring you?" Lucas asked and Eliott was glade that Lucas' got a real concern of that part of the story as the cheating was only a half the trouble.

"Yeah and as you can guess Dominic was responsible for it too," Eliott clenched his hands fighting with the desire to tear apart the guy's photo. Remembering those times were harder than he expected. Actually he wished he could forget them once and for all, but he needed for Lucas to see a whole picture. "He wasn't only a cheater but also a dead jealous guy."

"Seriously?" Lucas raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, he could cheat on Emile as much as he wanted but Emile couldn't even see his friends without his permission. Especially me as I never hid my attachment to the men."

"He thought that you were going to steal Emile from him?" Lucas followed the right lead.

"Yeah and not only that," Eliott smirked sadly.

 

_ "Not gonna lie. I was really surprised to hear from you," Domonic admitted. He was sitting in front of the Eliott in the cafe where their meeting was arranged. Till the last minute Eliott doubted that the guy would accept his invitation but he was glad to see that the curiosity took over him at the end. _

_ "I want you to break up with Emile," Eliott went straight to the point.  _

_ Dominic looked at him startled and then burst into laughter, probably having decided that Eliott was playing with him. He wasn't. _

" _ I'm serious," Eliott said once again as he became more and more irritated in the company of the men. If it was his decision, he would never have to see him ever again. _

_ "And can I ask why is that? How is that my relationships your business?" Dominic asked but Eliott could swear that there was something on his mind that he definitely wouldn't have liked. He saw it in his eyes and in the way he was looking him over. _

_ "I don't know... maybe because you are a control freak who's constantly cheating on him?" Eliott supposed sarcastically and Dominic smiled at that and a cold run through Eliott's spine. The guy definitely had some maniac vibes in him. _

_ "Didn't hear Emile's complaints." Dominic didn't even deny his actions and Eliott had to clatch his hands into the fists under the table not to do something he would regret later. "But is that the only reason?" Dominic asked and pulled a pack of cigarettes out his jacket. "Do you have a lighter?" He said as if never happened and that made Eliott's blood boil. With one wave of the left hand he threw away a pack off the table and Dominic clearly didn't expect that. _

_ "I won't let you play with me. I'm not Emile," Eliott warned him. _

_ "No, you aren't him," Dominic agreed and sat back, looking at Eliott hungrily. The second Eliott got his look the vomit came to his throat and his face probably went paile. Dominic noticed it as he smirked satisfied.  _

_ "What exactly is on your sick mind?" Eliott asked being disgust just seating near him. _

_ "I think we both know that your sanity isn't the only reason why you want my break-up with Emile so much," Dominic sounded confident as if he had no doubts that everything he was about to say was the truth. Though Eliott could only imagine what a pack of bullshit he was about to hear. "I see how sometimes you look at me, Eliott. You may manage to fool your friends but not me. I know that you're attracted to me. And you are the lucky one as I feel the same." He smiled and Eliott could bet that he'd never felt that sick in his entire life.  _

_ "Are you insane?" He exclaimed wishing that he's got something wrong. But he knew that it wasn't the case. He could feel Dominic's vibe with his bones and he couldn't believe that he was in such a situation. Only a couple of hours ago he couldn't even imagine that his conversation with Dominic would take that turn.  _

_ "You asked me not to play games with you and now I'm asking you the same," Dominic pronounced and even that pissed Eliott off enough to start counting from one to ten silently just not to lash out at the guy. It was the hardest thing he'd ever done. _

 

"He thought that you liked him?" Lucas was surprised and appalled. With every second he understood more and more what a person Dominic was and Eliott could trace the journey of his realization by the changes on his face. 

"He though a lot but that was his sick fantasies, nothing more," Eliott felt dirty retailing of those times and remembering the uneasiness of situation he was in. "I think he wanted everything he couldn't have and I was one of those things."

"Did you tell Emile?"

"Of course, I did," Eliott rubbed his forehead as he began feeling headache. Though he didn't want Lucas to know that, he still had a story to finish. "I told him, Idriss and Sofiane straightaway and Emile didn't believe me. He thought that I was just jealous of his happiness because I was alone and all that stuff. Dominic did a pretty good job on him and that's why he was so open about his intentions towards me. He knew that Emile wouldn't believe me anyway."

"But why did he need Emile? If he wanted you or someone else why he couldn't just let Emile go?" Another reasonable question from Lucas and another "i have no answer on that" situation for Eliott. 

"He wasn't right in his head, so God knows what he wanted from him," he exhaled. "After that he mostly avoided face-to-face meetings with me, but when we did meet he was trowing looks at me, smiled in, what he was probably thinking, seductive way, whispered things in my ear while passing by. He was cautious, there were no witnesses but he never let me forget about that conversation in the cafe. He was acting as if he was playing a waiting game."

"He really thought that you'd give in? That you would betray your best mate like that?" Lucas said it in a tone that assumed that he was certain that Eliott would have never been able to do such a thing. And that was ironic as that was exactly what's happened just a few days ago and Lucas himself was at the center of the stage. It turned out that Eliott was capable of that, but not back then. Not when he couldn't care less about Dominic, who he despised with all his heart. 

"As I've said before I had no idea what he was thinking about but he was becoming more dangerous for Emile. In a month we've completely lost contact with him. Actually, he cut out everyone out of his life, he left the house, he ignored his parents and started skipping school. And the worst part was when we bumped into him on the street with a black eye. He looked like death and when he saw us he was shocked and scared and he ran away before we ever managed to ask what's happened. And if that wasn't a sign of an alarm then I don't know what was!" Tears came to Eliott's eyes as he remembered the broken little creature his friend became and he would have given anything just not to see that image ever again.

"Did Dominic do it?"

"Yeah," Eliott nodded his head, "and I wanted to kill him. And the fact that my bipolarity decided to kick off soon after that didn't make me any favors."

 

_ "We need to stop him!" Eliott shouted expressively, not being able to sit quietly.  _

_ "We know, but we can't do anything!" Sofiane responded tiredly rubbing his forehead. Idriss was leaning back at the sofa next to him, looking at the white ceiling of Eliott's room. "Let Emile's parents deal with that. They're on the case now." _

_ "What's the point of them?!" Eliott was angry. He knew that Emile's parents had no luck in saving their son out of Dominic's hands. The last he heard, his friend threatened his parents to tell the police that they were abusing him, so it was the lost battle. Dominic was playing too good and he didn't make mistakes. "We need to find his weak spot." He finally sat and looked at his friends, expecting any reaction from them. He needed at least the tiny something.  _

_ "Considering he still fucks you with his eyes every time he sees you you can simply have sex with him in exchange of him breaking up with Emile," Idriss obviously meant it as a joke but that caught Eliott's attention immediately. And Sofiane noticed that too. _

_ "Oh God!" He groaned. "Tell me you're not really considering it!" _

_ "Mate, I was joking!" Idriss straightened up and looked at him, concerned. He clearly regretted saying that now but that was too late for that now.  _

_ "How haven't I thought about that before?" Eliott asked the question more to himself. _

_ "Eliott, whatever you're thinking, forget about that! You're not in the state for any of that!" Sofiane warned him but Eliott was too deep in his thoughts now to notice. _

 

"The problem was I was in one of my phases. I fixated myself on that plan despite all the reasonable thoughts about how wrong that was," Eliott pointed out for Lucas to see how his brain was working then. Lucas nodded his head as if he's understood that. "Sofiane and Idriss knew that but there was no way to stop me then. But I couldn't find the right path to take. Dominic knew my relation to him at least I never showed a real interest and a sudden change of heart would have only confused him."

"I still don't see how that would work," Lucas admitted and Eliott noticed that the boy now was avoiding his gaze. Maybe he was just thinking but perhaps he didn't like the way the story was going. "Suppose, he would have agreed but what would have stopped him from taking his word back?"

"I don't know," Eliott said honestly. He thought a lot about that after and he never found the answer. Eliott was so consumed with the possible perspective of his actions that it didn't even occur to him that it wasn't a plan, that was a car crash which was about to happen. And it happened.

 

_ Eliott knew about all the parties Dominic attended through Lucille. She and the guy had some common friends, and she shared the information with him. Of course, she didn't know the whole story of why he needed that so much otherwise she wouldn't have told him a thing. But he was just a caring friend who wanted to help Emile to get out of troubled relationships. Well, that part was the truth really.  _

_ He didn't tell Idriss or Sofiane about his plans when he came into the room of Mika's flat, who was a friend of Manon and Lucille but the girls weren't there then. Eliott didn't really know the guy beside the point that he was an open gay. And that wasn't really trouble as the flat was already filled with the people the owner himself hardly knew. That was a party after all. _

_ Before that Eliott went to three different parties. At two of them he met Dominic, at the third the guy didn't show up. Eliott didn't chat with him, but he made sure that Dominic saw him. Eliott flirted with some other guys for Dominic to see, but he never approached him. Not himself. He has been waiting for the guy to make a move. He needed him to make a move. Otherwise, nothing would have worked. But that night at Mika's party he's got lucky, as Dominic not only came but finally came to him to talk. _

_ Despite him knowing that drinking was bad for him he couldn't resist the cups of beer standing on the table in the middle of the room. Maybe he drunk too much already but his body loosened up and he let himself relax a little. He turned off his phone as Sofiane, Lucille and Idriss were trying to reach him all evening. And he had no time for them. Dominic was on his radar, who was finally approaching him now. _

_ "I begin to think that you're spying on me," he said with a wide grin having stood next to him near the wall. "Where are your friends? I haven't seen them in a while." The guy looked around but of course, didn't see anyone as Eliott didn't take anyone. _

_ "And where is Emile? I haven't seen him in a while too," Eliott answered in the same tone and that made Dominic laugh as he wasn't that sober. _

_ "Eliott, how long are you going to keep up with your game? I might get bored pretty soon." Dominic made a warning and Eliott didn't see how this information could affect him but he was glad that Dominic was leading the way he wanted. _

_ "And how long are you going to wait?" He asked it without any enthusiasm on purpose but that was enough to get the guy's interest as he licked his lower lip and came closer to Eliott who was battling with the urge to vomit right on that place.  _

_ "What do you want?" he asked seriously. And Eliott wondered if he really wanted him that much. That seemed absolutely insane.  _

_ "You know that already," Eliott made a sip out of his cup ignoring the voices in his head telling him to stop. To go away. "Leave Emile and maybe I'd think about that." He was changing his tune as suddenly he began to realize that there was a possibility of him not being able to go through the plan. He needed to test the waters first. _

_ "I can't do that," Dominic shook his head. "He won't handle without me. He's nothing without me." That wasn't truth. Emile's became nothing with him and Eliott wanted to scream it right into his face but kept silence not to make the matter worse.  _

_ "Ok," Eliott simply shook his shoulders and began going away from him. _

_ "Where are you going?" Dominic asked confused. _

_ "To find someone who's really interested," Eliott answered and didn't even look back.  _

 

"That night I thought that I've achieved absolutely nothing. I went home and fell asleep and that was it," the closer Eliott was to the day of Dominic's death the blurrier his memories were. He had to concentrate just to get a grip of the most important details. And it definitely acquired a lof of time.

"I suppose that wasn't like that?" Lucas came to the logical conclusion and Eliott nodded his head.

"Our conversation kind of encouraged him. He began texting me a lot. All from different numbers, always being careful. He was offering me to meet, saying that I wanted that as much as he did and that nobody needed to know and all that crap. I think that moment I was totally fucked up in my head. I went on with the parties. I saw him all the time. I remember him coming to me constantly and I can't even say what we were talking about. But I knew that everything he was saying to me was a lie. He liked me but he liked his control over Emile more."

"Did you try to reach him?"

"Of course. Constantly. He changed his number. Avoided us in the school. He was coming last and leaving the first. Everyone saw that he changed but nobody knew the reason. Idriss and Sofiane were hoping on his parents who were pretty much scared of their son's threats. That was madness, and Dominic enjoyed it. But the day he died I managed to speak with Emile. I caught him in the school toilets and that conversation became partly the catalyst of the future event. I told him everything."

"He didn't believe you?" Lucas sounded concern and more than anything Eliott wanted to take his hand now just to feel his warm and loosen up a little.  

"Actually that wasn't necessary for him to believe me," Eliott smirked and turned to Lucas. "Because he's already known."

 

_ "There is nothing wrong in seeing some other people sometimes! You need to stop harassing us about that!" Emile said tiredly, having given up his attempts to pass Eliott. And a couple of months ago he would have managed that but since that he's lost a couple of pounds and that was bad for his physical strength.  _

_ "Are you kidding me?! He's cheating on you! How many time to we need to say that for you to get that?!" Eliott was angry. He was sick of the blindness of his friend and he just wanted everything went back to normal. To the life without Dominic in that. "Do you know that even I am included in the list of his desires?" He didn't want to say that, but that was the last hope on making him wake up. But Emile's answer was a real surprise. _

_ "Of course, I know! We tell each other everything!" Emile sounded offended with Eliott's question, and that was making the situation even more mental. If that was even possible. _

_ "And you're okay with that? Emile, you need help! Let us help you!" Eliott was trying to reach Emile's hands but he jumped out immediately, leaving him no chances.  _

_ "No, Eliott, you need help! You have another phase, don't you?" Eliott could hear the concern in the guy's voice but he didn't trust his feelings anymore. "You're obsessing of my relationship and that's not normal! Yeah, Dominic sometimes needs to relax and have fun in the side and that's natural but you're literally following him everywhere! That's not a healthy behavior! You need help and not me!" _

_ Eliott was too stunned with Emile's words just to catch him while he made another attempt to leave and succeeded. He knew that it wasn't Emile's words he was hearing. But also deep down he knew that it was the truth but he wasn't ready to let go. Not yet.  _

 

"He was brainwashed!" Lucas exclaimed shocked a quite logical conclusion. "It's not normal to think like that. It's not normal to say things like that!" His voice was filled with the resentment and anger and Eliott did get it, but he lived through that a long time ago.

"Dominic was sick. He was a control frick and Emile was his toy, who he had enough power and brain to manipulate with," Eliott said calmly thinking about how easy it was for everyone to influence his best mate. His immaturity played a lousy game with him. "He needed a good help of a psychologist and not his freak best friend in my face. But I was too hung up on the idea to save him to see some sense."

"You said that it was the day when Dominic died," Lucas was speaking carefully probably knowing too good that it could be the topic which could easily trigger Eliott but they both knew that it also was a reason why they both were here. 

"Yeah. That's right. That night Dominic went to the last in his life party and probably that wouldn't have been a case now if he hadn't taken Emile along."

"Why did he suddenly decide to do that?"

"I guess Emile told him everything and that night they wanted to make a point, each of their own. Of course, I was there. And that proved Emile that I was practically everywhere where he was. And it proved to me that Dominic had everything exactly as he wanted it to be. He had a whole control over the situation, and he's gotten his kicks about that."

"Something happened at the party?" Lucas was impatient. That was clearly that he couldn't wait anymore. But maybe that was just a dark sky above them which showed that it wasn't a good idea to stay outside for far too long that made the boy hurry the story.

"Yean, I drunk too much, I was angry that Emile is listening him and not me and I asked Dominic out for a chat. Emile was in the toilets so we skipped outside easily. I had no idea what I was going to do, I just knew that I had to do something."

 

_ "You need to stop playing games, Eliott," Dominic leaned at the wall and lit the cigarette.  _

_ "There is only one playing games here, and that's not me," a fresh air hit Eliott right in the head after the steamy room he was in before so he felt a little dizziness.  _

_ "You know, Emile told me about your situation," Dominic shared and immediately Eliott knew what he meant and he felt a real stab in the back as before there were no doubts in his mind that Emile won't do that. Him being wrong was painful to accept.  _

_ "That's not your business," Eliott groaned being angry at Dominic taking control of the conversation when it was supposed to be in his hands.  _

_ "And I've read a little, because I care," he pretended that he hadn't heard Eliott's notice. He surely had planned what he was going to say long before that evening. God knew when exactly Emile spilled everything out to him. "And I guess we've figured what's wrong with you. I'm your new obsession." Eliott didn't know what was shocking him more: this stupid idea or the possibility that the guy meant himself and Emile under the word "we". That was exactly kind of thing that Emile accused him of earlier, but Dominic made it more concrete. _

_ "That was you harassing me and not the other way round!" He tried to defend himself and he was sick him of being in that position. He had nothing to hide. _

_ "You asked me out here!" A smug smile brightened his face and that was probably the first time when Dominic really scared Eliott. There was something dangerous in his look and behavior that was awaking in Eliott desire to ran away but he couldn't have given up so easily. But he felt that he became losing a focus on the guy's face, and that was harder to gather his thoughts together. _

_ "You need to leave Emile!" _

_ "You would have liked that, yeah?" He smirked and he didn't move but it seemed that he was closer to him now. He breathed out smoke right into his face and maybe that was some weak attempt of seduction but that certainly didn't work as Eliott felt a vomit coming to his throat. _

_ "I want you out of our lives," he answered and made a little step back. _

_ "Are you really so sure about that?" Now Dominic visible made a step forward and blatantly put his hand on Eliott's groin."Because I can show you a couple of tricks which will make you wish I would never leave," he whispered to his ear and squeezed his hand which was still on Eliott. And everything that came after was an instinct.  _

_ At first, ELiott's fist met Dominic's left side of the face. He got him by surprise so his body was thrown backward and he looked at him shocked. And that gave Eliott a perfect opportunity for another attack and now his main aim was his nose. Dominic was already unsteady so after the second hit he felt at the ground and without any hesitation Emile jumped right on him, landing his fist on his face again. And that probably wasn't enough but at that moment he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop. _

 

"I've been losing myself," Eliott shook his head, having stared at the ground beneath his feet. He was scared to look at Lucas as they finally reached the last part of the story. "With every panch I've been losing my mind. I don't remember a lot really... there was a lot of blood on his face, on my hands, on our clothes and on the ground. I was hitting him, hitting and hitting while my mind kept returning me to all the little things he's done to us, to me, to Emile... I guess I've reached the breaking point."

"What's happened after?" Lucas sounded wary. 

"As I've said my memory is failing me here," he didn't know why but he felt an urge to point out that moment. "Emile drag me off him. We've gathered a right crowd," that made him smirk. So many people were watching and nobody did anything about that. Not till Emile appeared screaming in terror. "There was particularly nothing left of Dominic's face. Well, at least I remember that this way. But still he managed to stand up. Emile tried to help him but he pushed him away and stared at me."

 

_ "You're pathetic and you're a joke," he spat out the blood. His body was shaking and it visibly took him a lot of strength not to fall at the ground again. "And you know all that. That's why you're doing this. You can't be happy and you're doing everything to make other lives miserable. You can't do anything else." _

 

"That's nearly the same..." Lucas said and cut himself short when he realized that he said that aloud. He didn't want that. Eliott still wasn't looking at him but he felt that. But anyway he was right.

"That Emile said, yeah," he finished the boy's sentence as the ending was obvious. "I think that Dominic has been seeding him this thought for months and it finally showed it's results." That idea was sad and maybe Eliott could've lost a lot of tears because of it if he hadn't already accepted the fact that he's lost his friend. There was no going back now. 

"That's not fair to say things like that," Lucas said assuredly and maybe he was right and maybe he wasn't not, but that wasn't the point now. 

"Dominic was angry but he was very weak and he was too proud to accept any help, and that played a terrible trick with him."

 

_ "If you follow me, we're done. For good!" Dominic warned Emile and by the way Emile nodded his head that was clear that Emile'd obey. He was too scared to lose him. Or his reaction if he would go against his boyfriend's wish. _

 

"When you think about that, that's kind of ironic. Emile let Dominic go home alone not to lose him, but that became exact the moment when he lost him once and for all."

"He died on the way home?" Lucas asked and he sounded relieved. Eliott couldn't figure out what's brought that.

"He was stupid enough to drive back home. That was stupid even to go to the party in the car, but he's just bought it, and he wanted to show off in front of everyone. So he smashed into the little grocery shop on the corner near his house. Thank God, nobody was there. But he died right on the place." Eliott stated the fact. Actually, he knew a lot of more details about what's exactly has happened but he didn't want Lucas to hear the whole ugliness of the accident.

"I don't get it," Lucas said. "You and Emile were saying that it was your fault but that's not right. That was an accident and he led himself to it, not you!" That were exactly the things Idriss, Sofiane and later Emile were trying to tell him. But was it really the truth? He doubted that.

"I smashed his face! He could barely stand on his feet because of me! He couldn't open one of his eyes! The blood was leaking from everywhere where it was only possible! He probably was halfdead when he sat in that car!" Finally, Eliott was looking at Lucas. And the way the relieve was literally shining on the boy's face made him shiver with anger and frustration. He needed Lucas to understand the reality but Lucas was taking the wrong part of perceiving the information. 

"That was his decision to sit in that car. He was aware of his state and he probably was drunk, so I don't see it being your fault. Not completely anyway." 

"You can't think that!" Eliott shook his head in disbelieve and took a step back when Lucas made a step towards him. But that didn't stop him as he moved forward once again and reached Eliott's face with his hand. He probably stood on the tips of his toes, but Eliott didn't look to make sure that he was right as the warm of his hand conquered all the attention.

"Ты самое лучшее, что когда-либо случалось в моей жизни," the boy whispered and that made Eliott shiver. He couldn't have believed that he's really heard that. That seemed surreal. Lucas seemed too unreal. Too good for him. "You're the best thing that ever happened in my life," he repeated in English when Eliott didn't respond. "I'm sorry if I got that wrong, but I tried," he smiled and that made Eliott smile back. The tears came to his eyes. 

"No, that was perfect," he whispered back and Lucas' smile became even wider. "You're perfect." And he didn't say what he really meant to say but he hoped that it was enough for the boy to understand.

"No, I'm not. I'm far away from perfect. As we all are. And I think we're going to be just perfectly unperfect together," there were no doubts that this cheese line was out of some stupid romance movie Lucas pretended that he hated but that was probably the most promising thing that Eliott's ever heard. And if Lucas was so sure of that then maybe he could have believed in that too. At least he really wanted to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... the longer I write the chapter - the more I hate it so ANY feedback would be appreciated!  
> and sorry if you've been waiting smth more grand with Dominic's story but that was the plan right from the start, yeap  
> thank you for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day of happy reunions!

"I still can't believe you didn't tell us about your date!" Yann was outraged. At least he tried to look like that while he was glaring at Bazile, who's sprawled on the floor looking at the ceiling dreamily. He was still under the impression of his meeting with Daphne.

"Must say, I'm surprised you haven't spilled the beans before. That's so not your style," Lucas admitted putting the plates for pizza on the floor. Eliott could swear that he' heard hints of approvement in his tone.

"Well..." Bazile began and returned to the sitting position. He looked at pizza hungrily and licked his lips. Whatever he and Daphne were doing, they clearly weren't eating. "Every time I tell you about my success in love life, something goes wrong. No offense, guys, but you seem to be a bit of bad luck for me," he said without any malice or bitterness in his voice. His hands were already on the way to pizza.

"Hey, we never asked you to tell!" Arthur exclaimed in a half-offended tone. "It's just your big gob that you can't shut up!" For a second Eliott became worried that the guy was serious, but when he saw a playful spark in his eyes, he relaxed and let the conversation float further without any interruptions.

That was nice to have some people here after a few days of just him and Lucas. No, he didn't mind the boy's company, not at all. But he didn't want Lucas to become some recluse just because Eliott couldn't find enough courage to go further than a couple of meters from the house. That was pathetic and sad, but Lucas called it a normal reaction to what's happened, and he really preferred at least try to believe in that. Still, they really needed a change of routine and the guys coming to them made a miracle. Together they were smiling a lot, laughing and discussing all the stupid stuff Eliott hated to admit he was missing.

"Pizza?" Lucas gave him a plate and sat next to him on the sofa, having put his left hand on the back of Eliott's neck. He couldn't hide the smile at the boy's touch.

Everything seemed more comfortable between them now. And that wasn't at all what Eliott expected after their conversation at the graveyard, but he couldn't say he was against it. Not at all. Having let out his last secret out of his chest, Eliott finally managed to sleep peacefully in Lucas' arms. And that was probably everything he ever wanted.

"When are you planning to come back to school, mate?"

It took a few seconds for Eliott to register that Bazile was talking to him. The guy chewing his slice of pizza, looking at Eliott with anticipation. His back was turned to Arthur and Yann so the guy couldn't see how horrified and unsatisfied they looked at him. But Eliott saw that. And he also felt how Lucas' body tensed, and he stopped tenderly caress his skin and that was far more outrageous than Bazile's question which in reality was on everyone's minds. He was the only one bold to ask that, and Eliott was finally happy to get a chance to share his thoughts about his plans. He made a couple of decisions, but there was no opportunity for him to tell Lucas about them. And the lack of opportunity meant the same as the lack of certainty in his head.

"I was thinking of coming back there after the weekends," he admitted and felt Lucas' hand disappeared at all. That was frustrating. "I've already missed a lot, and there is no point in wasting any more time here. I begin thinking that I'm taking advantage of your hospitality" he addressed that to Yann. Yeah, nobody urged him to leave the house immediately but still, he felt uncomfortable taking this place. Especially when it didn't feel like his. And he also knew that Lucas needed to come back home too.

"Are you going to come back to parents or...?" Bazile stopped when an empty bottle of cola hit his head. That made him turn around to see who's done that and that gave Lucas an opportunity to sneak into the kitchen under the pretext of washing his hands. Eliott knew that it wasn't the case, so he followed him while Bazile was trying to decide which of his friends he hated more.

Lucas was really in the kitchen. And he was standing in front of the sink, and he even turned on the water, but he was standing still, looking ahead.

"Why haven't you told me before?" He asked. Of course, he heard Eliott following him.

"I don't know," Eliott answered honestly and came closer to the boy, having hugged him from behind. He tucked his nose into his neck. "You know that I can't stay here forever."

"I know," Lucas exhaled, and there was no anger in his voice. He was just sad. And Eliott felt that way too, but they really needed to move on from that point of their lives, and now seemed like a good time for that.

"And I'm so going to steal you for the nights because I have no idea how to sleep without your cuddles anymore," Eliott whispered and, maybe, that was some embarrassing thing to admit, but he wasn't going to hide his true feelings anymore.

"I wish I could say the same but, mate, you’re snoring! That's so not going to be missed!" Lucas smiled and turned to Eliott, grabbing his neck with his hands.

"Excuse me, I'm not snoring!" Eliott exclaimed smiling. "But I forgive you." He added and left a soft kiss on his lips.

"You don't know that. You can't hear it while I'm suffering," Lucas teased him with a grin and Eliott was ready to hit back with at least a dozen good responses but a sudden knocking interrupted them.

Lucas looked around surprised.

"Are we expecting anyone?" He asked, and Eliott saw the confusion on his face. Yeah, that was understandable as it was another of Eliott's ideas he hadn't shared with him yet. And actually, he began doubting it now. Yesterday everything that was on his mind seemed like a reasonable thing to do, but at that moment the same things seemed a foolish act. But there was no coming back now.

"Maybe," he answered sneakily, slipping out of Lucas arms and the boy didn't like that act, that he didn't even try to hide. Still, he hadn't said a word and just followed Eliott to the door looking ahead of them curiously. That childish look on his face made Eliott giggle, and he felt much less stress with Lucas by his side. Now he was quite sure that he was ready to face them. He was ready to see his friends.

When he opened the door, he wasn't even sure who looked more worried him or Idriss and Sofiane. Their eyes widened when Eliott appeared in front of them, and the awkward silence followed shortly after. And that probably was the reason why Lucas stepped in to smooth the situation over. Though the boy didn't expect to see them now, Eliott caught his pleased smile which was directed to him, and he knew that he'd done the right move. That made him relax.

"Come in," Lucas said enthusiastically, accepting a pack of beer from Idriss' hands. Eliott stepped aside to let them in, and they barged in uncertainly. "That's a surprise!" Lucas kept filling in the silence.

"You tell us!" Idriss answered with a nervous giggle and Eliott kind of got his remark. That was an unexpected decision from his side to ask them to come. He wanted to contact them for a while but kept putting that off trying to delay something inevitable. But when Lucas shared his thoughts on inviting his friends, Eliott knew that it was his chance. He didn't call them or arranged the meeting but just sent the message with time and address, hoping that it won't make him look like a real moron. But till the last minute, he doubted that they would come and he was glad to admit that he was wrong.

"I'm happy to see you!" Eliott said sincerely to both of them, and he could swear that the relieved washed over both of them.

Eliott didn't really notice how that happened, but in one moment two pairs of hands embraced him, and he hugged the guys back. And he was sure that neither of them even thought about how soppy that it might have looked cause it didn't matter. Old friends were all together, and Eliott tried not to think about the empty spot, which possible they would never be able to fill in again.

 

The evening was nice. It was peaceful, funny and everyone was just having a great time. When Lucas' friends saw who came, they showed nothing that could make Idriss and Sofiane feel uncomfortable and just offered them to take a sit and some pizza. Eliott stayed in the armchair where he was sitting a little while ago and partly participated in the conversation. Bazile and his stories were the main lead of the chat and in time Idriss joined him sharing his remarkable dating experience. That was nice.

 

Though the awkwardness was still there. It wasn't so visible for everyone to see but Eliott felt that. And Lucas felt that too. Every time when memories were carrying Idriss too far away and he was nearly spilling the name nobody tried to spill Eliott’s body tensed and Lucas began stroking his thigh lightly feeling the tension. Sofiane was horrified because of that too as him and Eliott both knew Idriss' stories too well. But Idriss always stopped himself right before the big moment and changed the subject glancing at Eliott guilty. Eliott wished his friend wasn't doing that. It wasn't his fault that there was a rift in the middle of their group now.

But Eliott knew that avoiding the actual conversation was not an option. That wasn't why he invited them after all. So when he finally got all his courage together, he glanced at his friends quickly and stood up having left to the kitchen. Before he's done that Lucas gave him an encouraging smile, that provided him a little bit more of strength. And he knew that Idriss and Sofiane would follow him.

The three of them were sitting at the table in the kitchen for a couple of minutes. Everyone wanted to tell something but didn't know what exactly.

"I'm thinking of returning to the school next week," Eiott had to break the silence, and that really was a good start for that.

"That's great!" Idriss exclaimed happily, but Eliott could bet that he was just pleased that the silent part was over now. And Sofiane looked that way too. "Well, not for you as it's as boring there as before, but at least it will be more fun for us now!" He added and turned his gaze to Sofiane, probably expecting him to back up his words.

"Yeah, it will be great to have you back," the guy nodded, but something was clearly still bothering him. "How are you?" Sofiane looked straight at Eliott and only at that moment Eliott realized that he's been avoiding doing that all evening. That was the first time when his friend really looked at him.

"Well, I'm living with the man I'm crazy about, so I can't complain," Eliott answered and he knew that it wasn't the thing Sofiane wanted to hear.

"Oh, you two lovebirds!" Idriss exclaimed, leaning against the back of his chair. "He couldn't stop talking about you at school!"

These words made Eliott shook. He never heard that Lucas was in contact with Idriss and Sofiane. And that probably showed at his face as Sofiane said:

"You didn't think that we would have stayed away for so long if we hadn't had the information about you, right?" He asked and that could have explained a couple of things but not the reason why Lucas didn't say anything. And Sofiane's read his mind once again. "We asked him not to tell you, as we didn't want you to feel that we're pressuring you. We were just worried."

"And that wasn't easy to persuade him to tell us things, believe me," Idriss hurried to add in clear Lucas defense. "But we can be very persistent, you know us," he smiled at him.

Eliott wasn't sure what exactly he was feeling about this. But thinking about his friends being worried and caring and following Lucas just for some news of Eliott's state filled him with the relief of still having these guys in his life and the gratitude for that.

"Thanks," Eliott murmured with a soft smile.

"You have nothing to thank us for," Sofiane said and once again Eliott felt that something was wrong with him. And he was right. "Actually, I owe you an apology, I think." He said nervously in a slight whisper. He wasn't looking at Eliott but at his owns hands.

"I don't get it," Eliott admitted and looked at Idriss just to see if he was out of the loop because of the guy's friend too. But Idriss was looking as if he's already known that it was coming, and Eliott concluded that they've already discussed what Sofiane was about to say.

"Well..." Sofiane began but stopped unsurely looking at Idriss, who was looking back at him encouraging. Sofiane made a sigh and continued, "I feel like a pretty shit friend right now..." He finally revealed, and that didn't make the situation any clearer for Eliott.

"I still don't get it," he said, looking for the answer on his friend's face but he was good at hiding his emotions.

"I supposed I failed to be a friend to both of you, to you and Emile," the said name was an obvious slip of the tongue and that was clear by the way Sofiane’s face went pale when he realized what he’s done. His eyes were wide open and he stopped his speech immediately looking for the way to fix the situation. But the reality was that it didn't need to be fixed. Eliott felt that the second he's heard his friend's name. They couldn't have avoided it forever, and that was a relief that this barrier was taken down now, and they could move on from this part further. And that was necessary for them to do.

"And what? You were a good friend. I don't see a problem really," Eliott said just to demonstrate his friend’s words weren't an obstacle. That it wasn't the center of his attention, he really needed to know what Sofiane was so worried about.

"The problem is I was everything but a good friend!" Sofiane cried out in a way that probably his words were heard in the living room where Lucas with his friends were. Sofiane's got that he overreacted a little and continued much quieter, practically hissing, "I was no use to any of you! Eliott, I have pressured you since the moment I knew about you and Lucas. You knew how it could end for Emile, how he could react, but I wasn't listening! I wanted to be a good guy in all this, but I fucked up seriously..." He put his elbows on the table and grabbed his head with the hands. He looked so desperate and angry at himself, but Eliott still couldn't figure his emotions out.

"There was nothing you could to change the situation. Literally nothing!" Eliott didn't even try hiding his confusion. With the corner of his eyes he noticed that Idriss nodded in agreement and they clearly were on the same page here. "Emile would have known sooner or later. And you were right when you said that I needed to tell him because we all saw what happened when I haven't done that."

"I was telling him the same thing!" Idriss backed Eliott up, looking pleased with the way conversation turned. "But he just loves beating himself up, doesn't he?" Idriss smirked, but his nervousness was still visible.

"You both just don't get it!" Sofiane stood up and pushed away the chair in frustration. And Eliott felt a headache as he was already tired of the situation. He knew that once Sofiane got an idea in his head, that was impossible to take it away from him. And now it seemed like one of these situations.

"And you don't get it that it's not about you!" Idriss rolled his eyes and that made Sofiane stopped walking around like a crazy man. He stopped at one place and looked at Eliott quilty.

"Sorry," he whispered and shook his head disappointed with himself. "I'm really really sorry!" He sounded sincere and Eliott knew that he was already fine with that. He had no will to ruin another relationship in his life.

"That's fine," he smiled at him consolingly and Sofiane finally came back to his sit.

"I really didn't want to..."

"How is Emile?" Eliott interrupted Sofiane to change the subject and to know what really interested him. Idriss and Sofiane looked at him surprised and then gazed at each other. He really managed to take them aback and they were in no hurry to answer his question.

The awkward silence hung between them while Sofiane and Idriss were looking for the words. Eliott didn't push them with the answer giving them all the time they needed. While Idriss and Sofiane were exchanging glances in an attempt to come up with something that in their eyes won't upset Eliott, he noticed that Lucas was standing in the doorway looking only at him. He clearly heard what Eliott asked but he didn't look surprised. He looked proud and Eliott felt tears coming to his eyes. He felt a sudden rush of happiness just because he had this perfect guy in his life. And for a moment he forgot that he wasn't alone and he was ready to jump out and kiss the hell out of him but finally Idriss raised a voice and he was back in reality.

"We don't see him a lot actually," he murmured and Sofiane looked at him gratefully as he didn't want to talk about that himself.

"How is that?" Eliott asked surprised dragging his eyes away from Lucas with an effort.

"Well, he skips school and he didn't answer any of our messages and we sort of gave up," Idriss was babbling and that wasn't like him at all.

"But is he ok?" Eliott didn't want that but he felt a little bit worried.

"Yeah, yeah, of course!" Idriss answered quickly as he heard some concerned notes in his tone. "We told his parents about what's happened, well partly, and they're with him most of the time so no worries on that front!" He reassured him and that made Eliott ease a little.

"He's still living in your flat," Sofiane's words were sudden and that left Eliott speechless as he touched the subject Eliott wasn't sure he was ready to talk about. But deep down he really wanted to know. "I'm sorry, I just thought that you should know in case you would want to pick your things or anything else," Sofiane explained and shrugged his shoulders.

"Thanks... that's useful... I guess," Eliott said abruptly.

"Right, guys, I really think that Bazile and Idriss drunk too much of the booze you brought so I definitely need some help with dragging them into the taxi!" Lucas stepped in smiling, having felt a mood change from Eliott's side.

Idriss and Sofiane, who both haven't seen him before, smiled back at him trying to look as if everything was alright. It wasn't but still Eliott felt that they've managed to reach some progress and that was nice. Though he definitely won't want the repeat of that conversation in the near future. That took too much energy out of him.

"How are you?" Lucas hugged Eliott softly from behind when his friends left the room.

"Thank you," Eliott whispered not answering his question in the slightest. But Lucas took it and kissed him in the temple.

"What's on your mind?" He asked as Eliott was still sitting tensed.

"What do you think about meeting my parents today?" Eliott's question came literally out of nowhere and left Lucas in complete shock.

 

Eliott's mother agreed to meet with him the second he asked. At first, she couldn't believe her ears. Then she began to repeat excitedly "Yes! Of course! Yes! Yes!" and Eliott had to tell her to calm down thousands of times before she finally began using her other lexicon. They agreed to meet in Eliott's parent's flat and he said nothing about Lucas. That was a surprise.

The second his mother saw that he wasn't alone her smile disappeared for a moment and returned shortly after but her displeasure was still visible. Strange but Eliott felt some weird pleasure from it, he just hoped that Lucas' hadn't noticed that. He really didn't deserve to get those looks. So he squeezed his hand tighter and together they walked in the flat.

"So why did you decide to come? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see that you're alright but it's pretty late," Eliott's dad gave his son a serious look while his mother was serving them tea. And that was question Eliott didn't have an actual answer to.

When he offered Lucas to come to his parents, the boy surprised but agreed if that was what Eliott really wanted. Their friends were gone, Eliott phoned his mother, they got dressed, booked a taxi and here they were. No more unnecessary questions.

"It's just a day of happy reunions," Eliott smiled wryly.

"But it's still a nice surprise!" His mother finally sat down being sweet as never. "Double surprise I'd say," she added looking at Lucas.

"Yeah, same here," Lucas said uncertainly looking around the table. Now he looked like a really scared hedgehog and that was cute as hell.

"How are your plans about moving away?" Eliott went straight to the point. Nobody expected that as Lucas looked at him confused, his mother's face dropped, Only his father looked as calm as always.

"Eliott, don't be silly! We've already forgotten about that!" His mother said and Eliott noticed that disapproving look his father gave her. Now he knew with whom he needed to hold this conversation.

“Have you already said «yes»?” He asked looking at his dad who shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Now he looked nervous and for a second Eliott’s got scared that he would remain silent but the old man was too invested in the further resolution of this problem to ignore.

“Yes,” he answer and Eliott’s mother gave him the evils but he already turned his full attention to Eliott and totally missed that. At least he made it look like that. “That’s a still good opportunity.” And that meant that he was still interested in the proposal and he wanted to show his intentions. Luckily he and Eliott were on the same page here.

“You still can say that you changed your mind! That is our son we’re talking about! I’m sure they’ll understand,” Eliott’s mother said tensely. She probably knew that she was in the minority here and she was losing control over the situation. But still she had someone who she could try dragging on her side. And when this thought came onto her mine, she turned to Lucas and smiled at him brightly as if she didn’t want to see Lucile at that place a few moments ago. “That’s important to have your mum and dad close to you, right?” She asked him.

Lucas, who wasn’t a real participant in the conversation, was caught out off guard and looked at Eliott in a panic with the dilemma hanging over him. Eliott could suggest what he was thinking about. He knew for sure that the boy wanted to make a good impression on Eliott’s mother because he’s nice like that but he also didn’t want to let Eliott down, so the answer wasn’t the easiest for him.

“Well,” he straightened up in his seat and cleared his throat. “It depends on the situation I guess.” Lucas made nervous twerk with his head and Eliott shrugged his hand tighter. “I mean if that’s the best option for both sides than I don’t see a reason to stay on the way. I am living without my mum right now, but that’s best for her so I’m handling it. So if for Eliott and you that is better to live apart then maybe that will be a reasonable thing to do… and I’ll make sure that he’ll call you every day,” he chuckled at the end but that didn’t erase Eliott’s feeling of quilt. He was so consumed with himself that he totally forgot that Lucas still had his problems too.

“Do you still want us to go?” Eliott’s mother turned to her son and he noticed that she softened a little. Maybe that’s Lucas’ sad face made her change her attitude but Eliott wished it would be something else. Lucas’ sadness made him regret inviting him here. He should have thought about that better.

“Yes, I want that,” he said softly and took her tiny hands in his caressing them slowly with his fingers. “Nothing’s changed since our last conversation. You still need your fresh start and if that’s really that great opportunity then grab it with both of your hands while you still have time!”

“But what about you and your fresh start? We could go together!” She tried her trick once again but that time it didn’t make Eliott angry, he just smiled.

“And leave this handsome gut next to me who helped me go through the hell behind?” He whispered and his mum smiled suddenly as if she understood. And that’s probably was exactly what happened.

“Oh come off it! You just want to have this flat!”Eliott’s father joked and all of them laughed warmly. And that was one of the nicest moments he shared with his parents in a very long time.

 

“I think your mother began liking me by the end,” Lucas pronounced proudly while they were settling in the bed. Lucas’ in Eliott’s embrace and a little bit peace in his head made him hope that he would have a nice sleep that night again.

“That’s just because you liked her pumpkin pie and nobody likes her pumpkin pie!” Eliott explained and Lucas giggled in his chest.

“Well, maybe that was a white lie. But at least now I could guess where your culinary skills are from,” he said and Eliott laughed at that though he probably should have protected his mum’s honor. But the boy was right, he and his mother were too far away from the kitchen stuff though she really tried and in hearts he was happy that Lucas made her enough compliments today to make her blush happily. “And I’m sorry about the parent’s talk. I noticed how much mother’s question upset you and I didn’t want that!” He changed the topic on something much more important and tugged his nose into his hear.

“That’s alight,” Lucas answered leaving an intricate pattern on Eliott’s torso with his finger. “You know, I visited her before that’s all happened.” The boy admitted and that was the first time Eliott heard about that. He hated that. He really wanted to be there for Lucas as he was for him when it was needed.

“And how did it go?”

“At first it got me really upset but then someone made me realize a couple of things and after that for a couple of moments I felt that my mother came back to me and I know that she still has a long road ahead of her but that was really nice.” Eliott could feel Lucas’ smile.

“And what about your father? How are things between you two?” Eliott really needed to know more about how Lucas’ been living the past few days. He needed to know what the boy was feeling and help him if that was necessary. He already knew that Lucas’ father wasn’t really happy with the fact that his son was living somewhere away but he gave him permission at the end probably just to be in his good book. Still that didn’t really tell what exactly was between father and son at the moment.

“Well, he’s really trying,” Lucas said uncertainly probably not being sure himself about the answer. “He calls a lot and we speak and he says that he can’t wait for me to come back home and that will happen soon I suppose,” he clearly was referring to the evening at Eliott’s parents. While they were on their way home Eliott had to listen to how sneaky that was to visit his parents just to get a living place. Eliott only laughed at that.

“But in general?”

“I think we’re going to be alright. And by the way he wants to meet me tomorrow at lunch, just two of us if you don’t mind.”

Eliott wanted to give him a lecture of how stupid it was of him to think that he would be against it considering how much time he spent looking after him but he stopped himself. Actually, Lucas’ lunch with father became very handy as Eliott himself had some plans and he wasn’t sure how he would have told Lucas about them. But now the problem was sold.

“Yeah, of course,” he whispered, thinking that while the boy would be having lunch with his dad, he would make another visit. But this time he really needed to be alone. That was only his and Emile’s problem after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... I think the next chapter will come out a lot sooner this time and I have only one thing to say about it: I have a perfect soundtrack for it which make me cry everytime!  
> Thank you for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emile and Eliott meet face to face to figure everything out once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [the soundtrack of the chapter: FINNEAS - I Lost A Friend]  
> oh I'm nervous posting it... but at least this song is 100% good content so enjoy (and love finneas together with me lol)

**_I lost a friend_ **   
**_Like keys in a sofa_ **   
**_Like a wallet in the backseat_ **   
**_Like ice in the summer heat_ **

The flat was empty and no matter how much Eliott hated to admit it, that was a temporary relief. Eliott acted quietly without any purpose to do so until he realized that there was no one in the apartment apart from him. He breathed out having relaxed and went straight to his old room with the intention not to waste any time here waiting. Any kind of activity would be better than sitting and imaging the conversation which was about to come. And luckily for Eliott he still had some things to collect as the question of moving out wasn’t a subject for discussion anymore. That was a decision now, the most logical and reasonable one.

Despite the fact that all morning he didn’t show any signs of nervousness in order not to make Lucas worried his hands were slightly shaking now. He opened his wardrobe and took a couple of T-shirts, shirts and jeans which he needed for the next few weeks. He wasn’t planning on taking all his things at once. Without being especially careful, he threw the chosen clothes in the bag and went to his desk. Here was the task which was harder to accomplish. His table was filled with different sketches and drawings and he wanted to take all of them as they all were a part of his soul, but still… looking around his art for a good couple of minutes he decided against it. Every drawing he saw was a part of his life, a part with Emile in it, and even the mention of his friend's name was making him shiver. He was a history now and so as Eliott's drawings, so he stepped away slowly looking one last time at the wall which had almost all his life on it pictured. He chose to leave Emile a chance to decide what to do with it. The only picture he took was a little sleepy hedgehog that was dreaming of his own army. The thought of having in his life the original made him smile and he almost forgot about the sad sequence of events which led him to that exact spot in his life. And that small picture in his hand probably would have made him stand like that just smiling for another god know how many minutes but he’s heard the noise behind him. He remembered not locking the door up so it basically could have been anyone but still Eliott didn’t worry. His six sense gave him a hint about who could have been staying in the doorway. He’s been living with the man for far too long not to recognize his presence straight away.

“Hi,” Emile was the first to speak. Eliott took a deep breath and turned around to face him.

“Hi,” he said calmly trying to ignore the pain right in his heart.

 

**_I lost a friend_ **   
**_Like sleep on a red-eye_ **   
**_Like money on a bad bet_ **   
**_Like time worrying about_ **   
**_Every bad thing that hasn't happened yet_ **

Together they went to the kitchen and Emile offered Eliott a tea and Eliott didn’t really see the reason why he should have said “no” on that. He nodded his head and Emile smiled weakly arranging them tea with the packet of the biscuits which wasn’t opened yet. When everything was on the table and Eliott was already trying to distract himself with hot liquid Emile sat opposite him taking one of the biscuits. That probably was his was to distract himself.

“So… where are you living now? With your parents?” Once again Emile began a conversation and Eliott appraised his attempt as he wasn’t in the state to say something himself. And the topic was quite innocent so he could live with that.

“Well, they’re moving away soon so I’m going to move into their flat, but for now I’m living in the cottage house of Yann’s parents,” he answered. And the second he mentioned Lucas’ best friend’s name he realized that this topic wasn’t safe anymore. But, even if that was true, Emile didn’t show that his words somehow affected him and Eiott felt regret for even thinking about how bad he could have reacted. Lucas and his friends were a part of his life now and he had no intentions to hide that in the favor of someone’s well-being, especially when’s already done that enough times.

“I didn’t expect your parents to leave you here alone,” Emile admitted and made a sip out of his cup. In a way, it sounded offensive as if Eliott couldn’t be trusted to be left on his own. And the guy felt that confusion as hurried to correct himself, “It’s just your mother cares too much about you and I can’t even imagine how she’s going to live having no opportunity to see you every time she wants to. I wasn’t trying to upset you or something like that!”

“Yeah, I know,” Eliott accepted his words. “My mum really didn’t want to go, but the dad is my savior. He really wanted to grab this opportunity and that would have been a crime to let him miss that. And I brought a backup with me for them to see that I won’t be all alone.” Eliott still had a drawing of a hedgehog in his hand and that stupidly made him feel as if Lucas was right next to him as he was yesterday, in his parent’s house.

“So you introduced Lucas to your parents?” Emile asked and Eliott didn’t expect that he would be the one who would be first to pronounce the boy’s name. Actually, ELiott didn’t really want his lips to say Lucas’ name but that was kind of stupid.

“Yeah,” Eliott nodded his head. “He said my mother how amazing her pumpkin pie is and I guess he’s her new favorite person now”.

“What a liar! Nobody likes her pumpkin pie!” Emile smirked and that made Eliott smile. How amazing this all could have been if only they still have been two best friends who were just sharing important things about each other lives. But there was a huge gap between them now and somehow Eliott knew that none of them would really want to fix that. “So… how are you?” Emile asked after another couple of seconds of silence and Eliott gave him the most honest answer he could find.

“I don’t know”.

**_I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight_ **   
**_I'll be lying awake counting all the mistakes I've made_ **   
**_Replaying fights_ **

“I never should have said what I’ve said and I’m sorry.”

They almost finished with their tea and Eliott could see how hard it was for Emile to say these words. But the was a problem: Eliott found himself in the situation where it was difficult for him to trust the guy’s words whatever he was saying. He’s already showed how little meant everything he was saying before.

“You don’t believe me!” A sad smile appeared on Emile’s face as the realization sunk in. “I guess I can’t blame you for that. In your place and in the place of Sofiane and Idriss I’d hate myself too.”

“They don’t hate you,” ELiott contradicted Emile’s words. “They just don’t know what to do. Idriss and Sofiane are both stuck between you and me, it’s hard for them too.” After the meeting with his friends he really began to understand that he wasn’t the only one who had troubles with all that situation and the important part was not to push them too much either.

“At least they’re talking to you, while I’m here all alone,” Emile sneered and that brought up the confusion from Eliott’s side.

“Do you want me to feel sorry for you or what? Cause it’s hardly going to happened.” He said trying to feel at least a hint of the connection they shared before but there was none of it. Everything’s gone. They both were on their own sides now and had no desire to move from that spot. And that thought somehow made Eliott laugh a little bit hysterical. Emile looked at his surprised but having saw the look on his old friend's face he’s got it. He's realized Eliott was thinking about.

“How did we come to that, right?” He asked half-smirking and partly Eliott’s already figured that out.

“I guess after Dominic we never were the same. We just didn’t want to admit that,” he assumed.

“But I never really blamed you for his death. That was an accident. Nothing more. I never thought otherwise, I swear,” he said in one breath and Eliott chuckled unintentionally. Emile frowned. “I’m serious!”

“Well, pardon me, if I have my doubts,” Eliott responded sarcastically. The memories of their last meeting without any permission entered his head. He would have given everything just to forget what he had no other choice but to remember.

“I was upset. I felt betrayed and I wanted to hurt you. I knew your weak spot, I knew that you felt the guilt and I used it against you and that was mean but I wasn’t thinking straight! I wasn’t thinking at all!”

“These are all excuses,” Eliott waved his hand on him. “You know perfectly well what you were saying because these thoughts were already planted in your head and they were the for a while. And even if you don’t admit it now, there is a part of you that still believes in everything that you’ve said that night. And I’m not angry at you because of it. I’m really not. Actually, I’m glad that we finally had a chance to deal with it sincerely once and for all. But, please, if you have at least the tiniest amount of respect for our friendship then don’t deny it. Don’t lie to me. And don’t lie to yourself. Tell me what is you real problem with me”.

Emile didn’t hurry with answering back. For a few minutes he was looking at Eliott as he was trying to solve the puzzle which was laid right in front of him. Maybe, he was truly trying to solve the mystery of the Eliott’s words which he obviously didn’t expect to hear. Eliott could suggest what exactly his ex-friend expected. He probably was sure that Eliott would want to sweep it under the carpet as always and move on as if nothing happened but the truth was that Eliott was fed up with this way of dealing with their problems. He came here for honest talk and he expected nothing less from Emile. He didn’t have any false and childish hopes that they would manage to talk it through and be besties again but he hoped that they’ll finish with that story with dignity. That’s the least they owed each other.

“You know, I loved Dominic a lot. He’s done a lot of shit stuff, he was awful to me, and it took me ages to accept that and move on from that point, but he was my first love. I thought we were going to be together forever and did everything that I only could to keep him by my side. I was doing everything he wanted, I obeyed everything he said and I was a perfect boyfriend, and that was supposed to be enough, right?” Emile asked Eliott. “But that wasn’t for him! He wanted you!” Emile spilled out and he clearly couldn’t contain the bitterness, anger and sadness which were hidden in his heart.

“I never wanted any of this,” Eliott said and in hearts he had no doubts that Emile already knew it.

“And what about Lucas? You didn’t want him too?” Emile hissed and that cost a lot of effort for Eliott not to roll his eyes. He was better than that.

“Emile, he never was yours!”

“But I liked him and we might have had a chance but you showed up once again and he chose you. Like Dominic did. I’m nothing more than a funny gay-friend by your side. Whatever I’ll do, you’re still going to be number one. Look at us now! You have Lucas. You have Lucas’ friends. You have Sofiane and Idriss. You have all the support you need while me? I’m living alone in this flat and the only people visiting me are my parents. I’ve become your petty shadow. And I think I hate you for this.”

**_I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight_ **   
**_I lost a friend, I lost a friend_ **   
**_I lost my mind_ **

Eliott couldn’t have said that the revelation was any kind of surprise. He knew that he shouldn’t have reacted too offended by these words because in the fact they weren’t so awful as it could have seemed. Eliott could even understand that. In fact, while he was alone in Yann’s cottage he had a lot of time to think and, of course, Emile was a big part of this process. He tried to understand him and that’s why he had to remember some part of their friendship and to note all the fails and ups of it. He sincerely thought that there were more positive sides here but he couldn’t deny that there was some worrying stuff on which he used to turn a blind eye on.

“I’m not saying that I really hate you constantly because you’re the closest friend I ever had but sometimes I couldn’t help it but thought about what it would have been like if you weren’t around? And I hate myself for these thoughts too. I guess that’s a jealousy thing. You always attracted more attention, the boys were ready to die just to spend time with you, you can just click your fingers and you’d get anyone who you want…”

“That’s not so simple for me and you know that,” Eliott didn’t manage to conceal a growing frustration in his voice. Every Emile’s word was something that he himself imagined and made himself believe in. Maybe, that was helping to deal with his life problems but Eliott didn’t like the weight of responsibility on his shoulders. Especially when it wasn’t called for.

“Yeah. Of course, because you’re ill,” a weak smile appeared on Emile’s face for a second. And that reminded Emile of that night. That was terrifying.

“I already know what you think of my state. There’s no need to repeat it,” Eliott pronounced calmly trying to hold himself together.

“No. There’s no forgiveness for what I’ve said. I know that. I despise myself for that moment of weakness and I pray to all the Gods that one day you’ll believe that I didn’t mean that but…” Emile stopped thinking something over in his head. Eliott felt his body’s began trembling a little as he had no idea what Emile could say the next and this uncertainty triggered something in him. He couldn’t sit still anymore. His breathing became abrupt and the only thing that was helping him to hold himself together was a piece a paper with a drawing on it. Thinking of it he was thinking about Lucas and a slight memory of his shine smile helped him relaxed a little. Though the silence from Emile’s side was making the situation harder to handle with.

“Can you just say what you want to say?” He asked irritated and Emile looked at him guiltily.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“What did you want to say?” Eliott didn’t let it go. They needed to sort it out now. He doubted that he’d be ready for the second round any time soon.

“How can you be so sure that this thing with Lucas isn’t something temporary?” Emile asked and Eliott couldn’t define whatever that was a question out of worry or a pure provocation. “You know each other so little and in your state…”

“I’m not in any state, Emile!”

“Aren’t you in one of your phases?” Emile looked surprised and Eliott shook his head which made him even more confused. “But your behavior on the day of my birthday… I thought… there were signs… I don’t get it…” he began blubbering.

“I fell in love with a crush of my best friend whose boyfriend’s died and I thought that it was my fault so I was losing my mind, yeah, but it wasn’t my illness. It was a fear of losing my best friend. If only I knew that I’ve already lost him, right?”

**_And nobody believes me_ **   
**_Say, "I know that he don't need me_ **   
**_‘Cause he made a little too much money to be twenty and sad"_ **   
**_And I'll be fine without him_ **   
**_But all I do is write about him_ **

“I was worried sick that you’ll lose your mind when you find out about me and Lucas,” Eliott shook his head. Yeah, he was still trying to get Emile to understand but the guy didn’t even try to hide the skepticism in his gaze.

“Still it didn’t stop you,” he shared his observation and Eiiott couldn’t argue here but he still had something to say.

“Yeah, it didn’t,” he agreed. “But Lucas made it clear that he wasn’t interested in you. He wanted me. And I wanted him.”

“You knew I liked him,’ Emile rose his voice. Now it was looking more like confrontation rather than conversation.

“You liked his pretty face and nothing more. You didn’t know him,” Eliott protested.

“You should have talked to me and forget him. That’s what real friends should do. But you stabbed me in the back.”

“Then it means that I’m a bad friend I guess,” Eliott concluded. What else could he say? Whatever Eliott was saying he couldn’t forgive. And it wasn't really about Lucas, they both knew it, but to repeat all this would mean going in circles and there was no point in doing that now. “The last thing I wanted is for us to end like that. You’ll be forever blaming me for you’re being miserable. And I won’t be able to forget all you’ve said and wouldn’t be able to trust you ever again. So I guess…” He paused because it’s not so easy to end the friendship you had more than you can remember. That was a big step but it was inevitable.

“We’re over,” Emile finished his sentence and nodded in recognition. “If anyone would ever have told me that we would come to that…”.

“Then I’d call him madmen,” Eliott supported his thought. The saddens of this situation really being real suddenly washed over him and he felt tears that were piling up in the corner of his eyes. He knew they were doing the right thing but it didn’t make it any easier. “I want you to know that despite everything I still love you.”

“And I love you,” Emile smiled and Eliott could see that now he was teary too. “Shame we weren’t meant to be, right?” He winked at him and Emile laughed sincerely.

“I really wish you to find the right one for you, you know,” Eliott said.

“And I hope Lucas is really worth it,” Emile answered back and Eliott knew that was the end.

 

**_How the hell did I lose a friend I never had?  
Never had_ **

Eliott left and Emile was all alone in the flat now. It still seemed strange living every day and every night here on his own. It took a couple of days to get used to it but the earlier presence of his ex-neighbor reminded him of the old times all over again and he was feeling down now. The flat was probably too big just for him and he’s been already considering to come back to his parents. A new neighbor wasn’t an option because he knew it still won’t be the same. And he didn’t really need the replacement of someone who was impossible to replace.

Being tired, sad and exhausted he walked in his room. The first thing he noticed were photos of him and Dominic which once again he found in Eliott’s room. He couldn’t stop staring at them all the last evening remembering the times which has passed a long time ago. He knew it was stupid and his inability to let go just cost him a friendship but Dominic was still the person he once loved.

“You would have loved to know what just happened there,” he sneered, having grabbed one of Dominic’s photos. “We and Eliott are over as you always wanted. I hope you’re happy now.”

He sat on his bed and began grabbing all the photos while only one thing was on his mind _«Why wasn’t me enough?»._ Since Dominic’s death it’s been the only question Emile probably really cared about. He just wanted to know what was so wrong that he was doing for people leaving him or choosing someone else. He tried to be nice, kind and honest. He wasn’t ugly by appearance. He wasn’t stupid. But still it wasn’t enough. He still wasn’t Eliott.

_“I’ve become your petty shadow. And I think I hate you for this.”_

He remembered his words to his ex-friend and for a moment he felt dirty for letting himself saying things like that. Now he was regretting saying that but the moment has gone and there was nothing he could do to fix that. And all that still felt strange. Till the last moment Emile thought that they would be able to figure everything out but as soon as the conversation started he felt an odd buzz inside his chests and he couldn’t hold himself. He couldn’t lie and pretend that he was ok about everything that’s happened when he wasn’t. He was hurt and he had questions and he didn’t care how selfish it made him look he wanted to voice everything that was on his mind. And yeah, it didn’t do him any favors and with that the smallest chance of them getting back on track had vanished.

He put all the photos in the box where they belonged and suddenly noticed that there was a book on his bed table that definitely wasn’t his. And it wasn’t even a book. He took a sketchbook in his hands having no doubts that it was Eliott’s. And the guy didn’t know when exactly it happened but his friend left it there for him. He hasn’t even noticed how his hands began shaking when he opened it.

The sketchbook was filled with the drawings, Eliott’s drawings and that wasn’t a surprise at all. But at the same time it wasn’t some random pictures he used to draw sitting during the classes, waiting for the bus or just spending some boring hours in the flat. No it wasn’t that.

 _“I wish I could make a book of my whole life,”_ Eliott once shared his dream with him. They were watching TV, Eliott was sketching and then he just said that out of blue smiling dreamily. Emile didn’t pay to it a lot of attention back then as it was in very Eliott’ style to think of random ideas just to forget about them later. But this one he didn’t forget. He’s actually made a book of his life. And he included Emile in that. The sketchbook was telling a story of the raccoon and the rabbit.

Turning over the pages he lived through every memory of their friendship. There was an illustration of the rabbit with a broken hand and raccoon laughing at him because he broke it trying to prove that he can fly. Here were the raccoon and the rabbit at the school looking lost and confused cause that was their first day and they had no idea what to do and where to go.  Raccoon’s tenth birthday when rabbit accidentally pushed the birthday cake off the table. The night they got drunk first time together having fallen asleep on the bench in the park. Rabbit’s hugging the raccoon because he’s just heard of his diagnosis. Racoon’s hugging the rabbit because he’s just lost the man he loved. And all these little evenings in front of the TV, at the parties, time spent together with the fox and the panther, all the little presents they gave each other, all the little things they went through together, everything their friendship was about. And a «Happy Birthday. Hope we’ll draw a second part together” note on the last page. It all was there. And the first time since his birthday Emile was crying.

**_I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight_ **   
**_I lost a friend, I lost a friend_ **   
**_I lost my mind_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I write this chapter only out of my love to this song? maybe  
> did I change that chapter like a million of times? probably  
> does this all mean that we're reaching the end? yeah  
> please, leave all the comments and kudos!  
> thank you fo reading!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *one month later*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, guys!  
> And yeah, that's the final chapter of that story, so just enjoy!

*one month later*

  
  
“I hate that,” Eliott murmured into Lucas’ neck. “Not being able to see you whenever I want to. That’s just can’t be legal! I would say it’s utterly offensive!”

They were lying on Eliott’s bed, tucked in the warm blanket with an empty box of pizza at their feet. There were forgotten by the young couple notebooks and textbooks on the floor, and their memory of coming to the place to study together vanished the second Eliott’s lips touched Lucas’. Deep down, they both knew that there was no way their plan would have worked in the end, but who were they to resist the temptation, right?

“You see me all the time. Don’t make a drama out of nothing,” Lucas smirked without any intention to offend the guy. On the contrary, he was glad to hear that his boyfriend was missing him so much that he was ready to skip his classes just to meet him. But Lucas didn’t let it happen. He was flattered by all Eliott’s impulses out of the desire to spend more time with him, but the study was still one of the priorities for both of them.

“I’m ready to go and burst your stupid boiler again,” Eliott responded seriously and for a second Lucas’ got scared that he seriously meant that.

“Don’t be stupid,” he answered half-smiling. “The distance may do us good. You know, it can prove how much we really want to be together and all that stuff.”

Having said that, he suddenly felt that his own words were total bullshit. Their silly separation due to the different schools was nothing in comparison to the real couples’ problems. But still, sometimes while sitting on the boring lectures Lucas couldn’t help but suffered from the lack of connection with Eliott, especially when he had no chances of seeing him in the next couple of hours. So it could have counted for something, right?

“I don’t see how it’s even possible, but it’s hard for the guys too, you know? They really got attached to your dorky friends,” Eliott raised his head and looked at Lucas, who immediately caught his eyes and let out a  laugh.

“Idriss and Sofiane spend more time with my friends than I do! And we’re still attending the same school!” He stated the fact.

“That’s because you prefer my company over them. Can’t blame you though,” Eliott teased his boyfriend and reached for the kiss.

The second he felt Lucas’ soft lips his mouth spread into a satisfied smile. His hands grabbed Lucas’ waist and pulled him closer to his own body that’s already been reacting on the closeness of the boy. Lucas’ hand got under Eliott’s T-shirt, his fingers were caressing his back lightly. That was making him mad, but when Lucas’ hand touched the top of his sweatpants Eliott groaned hungrily and bit the boy’s lip. Despite them being in the relationship for a while they haven’t slept with each other yet. There was nothing apart from the kisses and foreplays, and Eliott didn’t push for more. They had a lot of things to get over and accept before they could start thinking about stuff like that. However, the sexual tension was building inside of them and they both felt that. And right now it seemed that Lucas was ready to finally cross that line, and Eliott had no intentions to stop him. He drew him even closer and felt the boy’s hardness against his own. That gave him some encouragement and he began exploring the boy's body with his hands pulling Lucas’ T-shirt higher and higher with the only desire to get rid of it. And the second the cloth touched the floor Eliott turned the boy over, and now he was on the top of Lucas. Leaving a trail of kisses on his body, the older boy was slowly going down. Lucas’ body was shivering under Eliott’s touches. He liked that. And when he’s finally reached the main destination, when the only thing that separated him from the centre of all the boy’s enjoyment was one piece of cloth Lucas’ phone began ringing.

“Fuck!” Lucas groaned in disappointment, and Eliott knew by the tone of his voice that everything was over for now. He would have lied if he said that he wasn’t frustrated, but judging by the boy's reaction to his actions earlier, it was clear that he didn’t like it more than him. “That’s probably my father. We decided to go to my mother together today when he’s free. The doctors say that she has all the signs of recovery and she can come back home soon,” Lucas said apologetically even when Eliott’ already knew it. He was the first person Lucas called to when he’s heard the news. The boy was blubbering happily back then. That was one of the most touching things Eliott ever witnessed.

“Yeah, of course,” he kissed him gently on the forehead. “You go and talk to your father and I’m going to finish with this lot,” he pointed out to their homework. Lucas smiled at him gratefully.

“Thank you,” he’s nearly whispered, took his phone and left to the kitchen.

Eliott followed him with his eyes and even now, being highly sexually aroused and unsatisfied, he couldn’t believe his happiness.

 

“Now, when you’re all loved-up, you’re awfully boring!” Idriss exclaimed, and that distracted Eliott from his phone for a second. “Even you, sis. You’re breaking my heart now!” He grimaced and touched his chest dramatically. Imane rolled her eyes, and Sofiane threw a plastic fork into his friend.

“You’re just jealous because nobody wants you,” he joked and now it was Idriss who was rolling his eyes. That was still weird for the guy to witness how Sofiane and his little sister’s relationship were blossoming up more and more with every day. And Eliott still felt proud of Sofianes’ courage to do as his heart wished. One day he just came to his best friend, told him everything and Idriss supported him as any best friend would have done. And Imane was more than happy to take the guy into her embrace finally feeling free to express her real emotions. Once Sofiane admitted that it was Lucas and Eliott who inspired him to fight for his love. Thinking about it now Eliott felt proud of themselves for doing everything so right at the end.

“Yeah, even Basile has Daphne. And did you see that guy?” Eliott added smiled, not meaning anything bad by it. He was in a perfectly good relationship with his boyfriend’s mates. However, comparing Idriss and Bazile with knowledge of who’s got the girl was simply hilarious. Especially when everyone knew how much Idriss hated that fact despite the desperate attempt to hide that.

“And Yann is with Chloe and there’s something between Arthur and Alexia so…” Imane finished pointedly and her brother snorted irritated.

“Well, Emile is single so I still have a hope in this world, you know,” he said. Once again Eliott was shocked by how normal that sounded.

Eliott and Emile fell apart and of course everyone noticed that as two best buddies couldn’t even look at each other anymore. At first it was stressful for Eliott to go with him to the same school but in time it became easier and now it wasn’t a problem at all. Sometimes they even could say “hi” to each other in the most casual manner and that was OK. As for Idriss and Sofiane, they decided not to ban him forever out of their lives, so they still were his friends. And nearly a thousand times they asked Eliott if he really wasn't against it before they’ve made a step toward the reconciliation. And Eliott didn’t mind. Actually, he supported the idea with all his heart as he knew that his ex-best friend needed Idriss and Sofiane no less than him. Eliott knew that sometimes they were hanging out together, going to the parties or drinking beer in the evenings but that was OK because Eliott had Lucas. This boy managed to show him a completely a new world where there was no place for stupid grudges. And that’s how they came to the fact that sometimes Emile’s name was a part of their conversations.

“Well, I’ve heard it’s not true anymore,” Emma, Imane’s friend, sat next to Idriss on the bench of the canteen putting her tray on the table.

“What do you mean?” The guy asked confused. Eliott was intrigued by her words too but the sound of his phone distracted him once again.

 

**Lucas**

Prepare your best outfit for tomorrow

 

**Eliott**

What for?

 

**Lucas**

Surprise ;)

 

“I’ve heard he’s seeing the guy from our class. Francis,” she shared the latest gossip.

“It’s the same Francis who tried to hit on him a couple of months ago but Emile wasn’t interested?” Sofiane asked Idriss but the guy only shrugged his shoulders.

“Yeah, he was crazy about him for a while and from what I’ve heard he’s finally got his chance, so good for him,” Emma put s big spoon of the strawberry yoghurt in the mouth.

“He seems like a good guy so it’s great if they’ll manage to make something out of it,” Eliott spilt out and his friends looked at him surprised not expecting to hear his opinion on that matter. But just the fact that they weren’t friends anymore didn’t mean that he didn’t wish Emile happiness especially when only a month ago he was obsessed with Lucas. And from what he's known of Francis, Eliott’s already known that it won’t last forever. The guy is too clingy, and that reminded of Emile, so the guy will get bored of him fast enough. But if that’s enough for him to distract himself and he was just having some fun then there was nothing bad in that.

“Well, the man doesn’t need a woman to be happy!” Idriss said in his defence.

“Yeah, some of them need a man,” Eliot winked at him, and Sofiane and Imane laughed at his remark.

“Maybe I should share with you some numbers? I don’t need them anymore anyway,” he offered and Idriss gave him an irritated look.

“I take my words back. I prefer you much more when you’re stuck in your phone looking all loved up!” He claimed seriously but Eliott couldn’t help but noticed a small smile forming at the corner of his mouth.

“You love me really!” He teased him, and Idriss only shook his head now fully smiling in response.

 

 

Eliott learned one important lesson today: always watch in front of you when you’re going somewhere and not into your phone. As much as he liked chatting with Lucas for no particular reasons, that much he hated the cold drink pouring at his T-shirt after the rough bump with the girl with a high ponytail and glasses bigger than her face. But that was his fault so he had nothing bad to say to her. Though she really tried to help him to clean it up, but he's preferred to come to the toilet alone. On the way he remembered how he turned out to be in the same situation at one of the parties when he's met a blue-eyed and drunk devil sitting in the bath looking all hot and provoking. But right now he knew that he shouldn’t expect anything like that as right now Lucas was in absolutely another place laughing at his boyfriend's bad luck as Eliott wrote him about it straight away. Yeah, maybe he hadn’t learned anything at the end.

He still had five minutes before the lesson so he hoped for some kind of miracle that will help him to dry his T-shirt out with the cheap hand-dryer that nobody really used. Who needed them when you have paper towels, right? But now Eliott was happy with that strange choice of the spending of the school budget. But if only everything was so simple. When he pressed the «turn-on» button absolutely nothing changed.

“Fuck!” He cursed irritated.

Suddenly the door of one the toilet cabins opened and two figures came out of it giggling. They were Francis and Emile. The boys didn’t even notice Eliott at first who was looking at them startled. He was lucky that he’d already known about the new romance of his ex-neighbour. Otherwise, it would have shocked him much more.

Francis was the first one who became aware of Eliott's presence and the guy blushed embarrassed trying to hide his eyes. Then Emile saw him too and for a second a surprise flashed on his face but then he grinned as if they weren’t in the most awkward situation ever.

“Hi,” he said to Eliott and Eliott nodded his head in response.

“I better go,” Francis murmured.

“Ok,” Emile kissed the guy on the lips and Francis went out of the room.

Eliott came back to the hand-dryer trying to turn it on. He still had no success. And here Emile came to the rescue. He approached that stupid thing and hit it with the right hand and suddenly it started working miraculously.

“Thanks,” Eliott said impressed and pulled off his T-shirt praying that it’ll work out. And Emile was staying by watching him. “So you and Francis, yeah?” Eliott asked just to fill in the silence between them.   
“Yeah, decided to give the boy a chance,” Emile leaned against the wall. “We’ve only started, but so far so good,” he shrugged his shoulders keep smiling. “And you and Lucas? Everything is okay?” He asked and that wasn’t something Eliott expected to hear.

“Really wanna talk about it?” He wondered.

“Why not?” Emile said and Eliott raised his eyebrow at him. “Yeah, you probably right,” Emile laughed nervously. “But I hope everything is alright between you two,” he added.

“Yeah. We’re good. Thanks,” he smiled warmly. He almost finished with his T-shirt. That thing worked really fast, and maybe it wasn’t as useless as Eliott thought before.

“And how are you?” Emile asked another question sounding more serious now. He was looking at his ex-friend with concern and that made Eliott feel unease. They’ve already said more words to each other than in the last month. And actually, Eliott was pretty alright with that.

“I’m fine,” Eliott answered and put on his T-shirt again. It wasn’t perfect but that was enough to deal with for another couple of hours before he can come home to change it. “The parents moved away so I finally have their flat all to myself,” he added just to change the topic.

“I came back to my parents too,” Emile shared. “As I’ve heard the flat has new residents now.”

“Wow,” Eliott said thoughtfully. “That feels weird,” he admitted and Emile nodded in agreement.

“I know, right?” the guy smiled sadly. “So many things happened there. So much history. And now it’s just gone.”

“Well, it isn't like we’ve forgotten about it, right?” Eliott replied comfortingly because it seemed that his ex-neighbour needed it.

“Yeah. But it seems so final, “ Emile answered, and Eliott figured that it wasn’t about their flat anymore. That was about their friendship. And although they’ve already made a decision about the inevitable a month ago, now when even the flat’s gone it really seemed like the end.

“Well, when some things come to the end, sometimes it means that something else is waiting ahead. Something better,” Eliott said one last time and Emile smiled at him approvingly. And Eliott sincerely believed in that. He hoped Emile would find his “better” and maybe it will be Francis, but Eliott found his better for sure. And his name was Lucas.

 

“Why am I in my best shirt while you’re in a T-shirt and dirty jeans?” Eliott asked confused looking over Lucas who was smiling at him mysteriously while they were approaching the boy’s flat.

“I’m pretty sure you already know the reason,” he answered and partly that was the truth. Lucas was leading Eliott to his flat in the evening when the guy was aware that the boy’s father was in town. And lately, he spent every evening home with his son (well, if he wasn't with Eliott) just to rebuild their fractured relationship. That was nice. And now there were no doubts that Eliott was about to meet the man face to face and he was a ball of nervous because of that. But that was something he really tried to conceal. Probably without success.

“It still doesn’t answer my question. Am I not good enough in my casual clothes?” He teased his boyfriend, but the boy took it too serious as his expression changed. He stopped and turned to him.

“You’re perfect!” He said and stood on his toes just to kiss him. And Eliott was more than happy to kiss him back.

Standing in front of the door they were both obviously nervous. And at the same time Lucas was dying with the anticipation. That was clear from the way he was biting his lip with a smile on his face while he was looking at the door with his big bright eyes. The couple was waiting for the man to open it. Though Eliott still couldn't get it why Lucas couldn’t open it with his own key. Why this show was necessary? But the second the door opened he had no questions left.

A beautiful middle-aged woman with short blond hair appeared in front of them and there was no need to be a genius to recognize Lucas’ mother. They were too similar and Eliott saw some of the pictures before but meeting her in real was something of another level. Now he knew from whom Lucas inherited his natural beauty, sky-blue eyes, and this big warm smile.

“Mother!” Lucas exclaimed and hugged her with everything that he’s had in him. And that was strange. It looked as if it was the first time he saw her here right now. And she was hugging him as if they hadn’t seen each other in months. And Eliott knew that it wasn’t the case. But could it have been the first time when he saw her at their house? The boy didn’t mention anything about her coming back today. But what were the chances that he brought him here exactly when his mother came back if he hadn’t already known? That’s too unrealistic. But why would he decide to drag Eliott here when he could have just spent his day with his mum who lived in the hospital for far too long? That didn’t make any sense either, but still Eliott didn't say a word.

“I’m so happy that you’re finally home!” Lucas said to her with his soft voice, and a tear went down his cheek. The woman took his face in her hands and wiped it away.

“Not so happy as I’m, my love.” She kissed him on the forehead, and Eliott felt his heart began melting at the scene. He was over the moon from seeing Lucas so happy and that’s why he was grinning like an idiot.

“And you must be Eliott, right?” Lucas’ mother suddenly turned her attention to him and caught off the guard. But luckily she didn’t give him a chance to say anything as she continued, “Lucas told me so much about you so I can’t wait to know you better! But let’s not stay at the doorway! Come in! Come in!”

The women hurried them inside and closed the door. While entering the kitchen with served table Lucas toke Eliott’s hand and smiled at him. His eyes were shining with happiness and tears of joy.

“I have so many questions,” Eliott whispered to him.

 “And I answer all of them later if you’re a good boy,” Lucas said playfully and Eliott couldn’t but smiled back at him.

“So that must be famous Eliott who’s stealing my boy from the house all the time!” Eliott’s heard a loud man’s voice and his body tensed. Lucas’ father came in the kitchen looking straight at him. Slicked back brown hair. Gray trousers and a blue shirt. Black patent-leather shoes. He looked smart. And dead serious.

“Great! Now you scared him!” Lucas’ mother gracefully came into the room and the man’s face broke into a wide smile.

“Don’t worry buddy! If you’re making my son happy than I have nothing bad to say about you. I’m just glad that now I have a face. You know Lucas can be very secretive,” he smiled at him and Eliott immediately relaxed feeling stupid at his previous reaction.

“I couldn’t agree more,” he replied. Lucas was grinning, looking at them satisfied.

 

In fifteen minutes they all were sitting around the table, eating chicken pasta. Leon was drinking red wine, while others were sharing orange juice. Eliott would have lied if he said that he wasn’t a little bit tensed because that wasn’t the truth at all. Despite a friendly atmosphere and positive attitude towards the guy from Lucas’ parents, he still was scared of making a bad impression so he said really little when the evening started. And Lucas’ mother surely noticed that and made it her goal to loosen his tongue.

“So, Eliott…” she started looking at him curiously. Eliott saw how Lucas’s father smirked probably knowing what his wife was up to. But she started quite innocently; he could give her that, “Tell us something about yourself. What are you doing in your life? What are your plans for the future?”

“Oh, I’ve already told you! He’s a great artist!” Lucas exclaimed with his mouth full, and the women looked at him disapprovingly.

“Thank you, Eliott!” She said to her son sarcastically and the boy giggled nervously, having looked at his boyfriend apologetically. Well, he tried.

“I love drawing some things, that’s true,” Eliott answered hesitantly. Suddenly he felt how Lucas grabbed his hand under the table and that made him relax a little. That was Lucas Lallemant’s effect. “So I guess I wanna continue with that and go to some art-college after I finish school. But I’m not sure yet,” he took a sip of the juice.

“Oh, that’s alright! You’re young so you have a lot of time to figure things out!” She said smiley and Eliott breathed out happily at the thought that he hadn’t screwed everything up. Thought logically he suspected that it wasn’t the answer your boyfriend’s parents wanted to hear when they asked things like that. “And what about you and Lucas? I hope your intentions are serious?” She kept her naive tone but the second she pronounced these words her husband nearly choked on his food and Lucas face went red.

“Mother!” He cried out properly embarrassed.

“Honey, what do you expect to hear on that from that boy now? When we are all surrounding him?” Leon asked his wife and she just looked at him confused probably not realizing what he was on about. And in fact, Eliott didn’t like that in the man’s eyes he had no other choice but give one good answer which would have satisfied them all. Because for Eliott there was only one answer to that.

“I love your son,” Eliott said it faster than he realized what he’s done. All eyes were on him now. And he felt Lucas’ grip loosened up a little. That was a clear effect of the shock. Well, that certainly wasn’t a perfect scenario of him declaring his love for the boy. But what could have he changed now? He could only keep proving his point, “So despite everything, I’ll be by your son’s side and never gonna leave it if only he won’t ask me about it himself. So yeah, I think, my intentions are pretty much serious,” he finished.

The woman gave him a long look as if she was trying to read on his face whatever he was serious or not. He was sure the truth was written all over him. And she probably saw it as she smiled satisfied.

“That’s what I like to hear,” she said and her husband nodded in agreement. It looked as if he managed to win both of their trust and that was a good sign as he knew that for the boy it meant a lot. For the boy who was still holding his hand and looking at him shyly and with thousand of questions in his eyes. Eliott couldn’t wait to have him all to himself again.

 

 

“You do realize that you made a pretty bad thing today, yeah? You literally had me trapped with no options for escape! I didn’t know you’re capable of such a villainy!” Eliott made a grumpy speech when they entered his flat. He didn’t have a chance to say it to his boyfriend before as his parents were so kind to offer to walk them home. Of course, they couldn’t have said “no”.

“Oh come on!” Lucas said with a smile, having grabbed Eliott’s hand and having pulled him closer. “My parents are in love with you! The evening couldn’t have gone any better! And I knew that it would be so when I brought you there so stop stressing!”

“Your mum’s just returned from the hospital. You need to spend more time with her and not bringing me along and then walking away with me! I can’t stop feeling like I’m meddling in when I didn’t even want to!” Eliott admitted and Lucas frowned at him.

 “Don’t say stupid things,” he said seriously, “I brought you because I wanted to share that moment with you. I wanted you to be a part of my happy moment, is it so bad?” He asked and Eliott uncertainly shook his head. “And as for me coming back here my mother said me not even dare to think about leaving such a good and hot guy because of her,” he added and Eliott burst out laughing.

“I doubt she called me hot,” he chuckled, but the feeling of slight guilt for taking the woman's boy away fade away a little.

 “Well, that’s a stated fact. There is no point in arguing with that,” he winked at him and Eliott laughed again.

Lucas' hands were cold on Eliott's skin. So he grabbed both of them and pressed his lips to them leaving a slight kiss.

“I love you,” he whispered, looking into Lucas' beautiful blue eyes.

“And here I was thinking you were just trying to impress my parents,” the boy joked but the tears at the corner of his eyes showed how touched he really was.

“You’re the best thing in that world for me and I love you, Lucas Lallemant,” Eliott said again because he wanted for the boy to hear it. To understand it. To remember it once and for all. These were the words that never going to change. Eliott just knew it.

 “I love you too,” Lucas answered back and Eliott had no time to react on that properly as the boy rushed on him with the kiss.

 The kiss started as slow and gentle and became hungry and fiery just in the matter of a few seconds. They were dragging each other clothes off, pushing one another to the walls making their way to the bedroom. Lucas was fiercely biting Eliott’s lips. Eliott was shamelessly leaving the marks on the boy’ neck. Eliott’s jacket was on the floor. Lucas’ shirt flew right towards the kitchen. Their bodies collapsed on the bed. Lucas was on Eliott. His shaking hands were unzipping Eliott’s trousers. That wasn’t nervousness, that was a desire. His lips crashed on Eliott’s and here the trousers were finally gone. Eliott grabbed Lucas waist and changed their places, taking a position over him. He was kissing his neck, his chest, his nipples, his belly while getting rid of everything below that was on his way. Lucas’ body was wriggling under him. A loud groan escaped his mouth and everything vibrated inside of Eliott with uncontrollable desire.

“I love you,” he whispered once again into Lucas' lips. They were both lying naked, giving each other everything they only had: their bodies, their love, their souls. And that seemed like a perfect moment to state the obvious one last time.

“I love you too,” Lucas breathed out in answer before they’ve lost their heads in each other’s arms forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... that's it! The end! And I can't still believe that! And now I'm sad! I didn't want to finish this chapter because I didn't wan to say goodbye but the time's come...  
> I just want to thank everyone who was reading and supporting this story, because you're all the stars, I love every one of you and now this story is finished thanks to you! But don't forget to share your final opinion, of course ;)  
> as for me, I'm not saying goodbye as I'm already working on something for you, so see you next year! ;*  
> thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr: yashalex


End file.
